@breccalynn I should clarify that I know New Mom Town can be red carpets and unicorns for some moms. I don't mean to imply that it's the same for all new moms at all. My experience, after digging deep with some Mommy Friends of mine, is that almost all of them felt the way I did, and also felt pressured to feel something transformative mostly from other moms. I guess we should all just be honest about what it was like for US, and accepting of the fact that it won't necessarily be that way for others.
Thank you for sharing this.
I have this theory, right? It is that all new moms go into New Mom Town expecting a red carpet, unicorns, sunbeams pouring down over them and their newborn sparkling with infinite love and the unwavering knowledge that they are good and have Done The Right Thing. Then they arrive at New Mom Town and discover it's full of dead ends, traffic circles, and screaming. There's uncertainty, there's confusion, and there's no where to sleep! It's nothing like what they envisioned, and what they were told to expect! So they think maybe they weren't meant to move to this town. They're not cut out for the rough streets of New Mom Town. They feel like they've failed. So they do what many people do when they thought one thing and then discovered something else was the truth. They lie. Most often, they lie to other New Moms. They perpetuate this false idea of what being a new mom is like to each other, and then other new moms also feel like failures. WHY CAN'T WE JUST BE HONEST? With ourselves, and each other.
I'm a mom. I met my son for the first time and I thought "Hey, there you are. Nice to meet you. Your head is shaped funny, and it's friggin HUGE. Please be good at latching on because if this nurse grabs my boob one more time I'm going to lose my shit." Seriously. I didn't gaze at him in wonder. I wasn't overwhelmed with anything except the sudden crushing responsibility. I loved him and I felt deeply responsible for him, but I wasn't IN LOVE with him. I can honestly say I didn't really fall in love with him until I had spent a few weeks with him, and even then I sometimes wondered what the hell I was thinking when I let his dad do that to me. It took me a long time to accept that this was real, and it was OKAY to feel that way, and a lot of my trouble was due to other moms reinforcing the idea that I should have felt magical, transformational love. Can we please just start being honest with each other? We'll all be better off, and likely be better, healthier mommies.
My solution was to work in a high end chocolate store. The pay was crap, but the chocolate was free and plentiful. It was actually outlined in our duties to eat the chocolate for the purpose of quality control, and also so that we would know the product. So except for the occasional extremely mad customer that would lose their shit over chocolate related wrongs done to them, it was pretty much the best job ever. I even somehow managed to LOSE 15 POUNDS while eating chocolate all day every day.
Wait, why don't I work there anymore?
@MoonBat Also, I'm only now learning How To Be A Girl, and I'm 35. Guys, being a girl is haaaarrrrrrd.
@MoonBat Can you/your daughter please teach me how to do this!? I've tried and tried then gave up. And the result is my hair often looks like someone who tried and tried but then gave up.
1) I want to see 21 Jump Street (shut up!), and not because I want to ogle Channing Tatum. No. I want to ogle Jonah Hill. My friends and my boyfriend tell me this makes me pretty effing weird. I don't know! I just have a thing for cuddly, funny, goofy guys. A description, funnily enough, that perfectly fits my boyfriend! So why is he surprised? He's a little more accepting of my Seth Rogen fetish, but for some reason is completely thrown by my desire to wrestle naked with Jonah Hill. Ladies... does anyone agree with me?
2) I maybe kind of snooped. A little bit. Last week I had asked if my boyfriend taking his phone with him every where he goes was a bad sign or not. The consensus seemed to be that it might not be a sign of anything, maybe just a habit, and if I'm really bothered I should just talk about it. Well, I chose not to talk about it because apparently I'm all about torturing myself. And then Saturday night he neglected to keep his phone on his person when he went to brush his teeth before bed. It was just sitting there, on the dresser, all open and lit up and beckoning. So you know, suddenly I had a reason to get undressed right in front of the dresser. And oh, I dunno, suddenly my eyes had to look down at the dresser for stuff and kind of see the screen. It was on the list of recently received texts. Showing the people who had recently texted him and a snippet of said text etc. Nothing unusual or anything that I could see. Me, his brother, his dad, his ex wife asking about something for their son. Pretty boring really and I admit, I breathed a sigh of relief. Until I got to the bottom of the list and the name CANDACE screamed at me all in bold black text. And beneath it a "Hey, didn't see this until now. What's up, babe?" sent on Feb 23. He obviously hasn't replied as that would be the message showing. I didn't open the chat, I just walked away from the phone.
What can I do now!? It's a seemingly innocuous message. It's from weeks ago and it hasn't been replied to. I wasn't supposed to be looking anyway! But still... WHO IS CANDACE!? UGH. Why do I do this to myself?
@Alexander I'm not sure why I have this sudden insecurity. It started a bit more than a month ago. It's been a tough while for me... ex getting married, failed birth control and the resulting aftermath, then me switching birth control from BCP to IUD. One could say I've been on the world's wildest hormonal rollercoaster. Our schedules usually mean we have a week together, and then very little time together for a week, alternating back and forth. However for the past 2 weeks we've had enormous amounts of time together. I've been loving it and he definitely doesn't seem to mind. But maybe there's a dynamic shift? Or maybe increased exposure has made me subconsciously aware of things I never noticed before? Or maybe the hormone express hasn't left the station yet and I need to just stop listening to my overactive brain?
Or maybe he's up to something, and I just need to talk to him. The phone going with him absolutely everywhere is not a new thing at all, so why is it bothering me NOW?
PS I play Wordfeud and Draw Something while pooping, but I don't bother bringing the phone for shorter visits.
Guys, if your boyfriend compulsively takes his phone with him every time he leaves the room (like, even when he goes to the bathroom!)this is a worrisome thing. Right? He's done it for as long as we've been dating (1.5 years) but only recently have I really taken notice. And I guess I might be paying more attention because I'm feeling insecure. I don't know why, it's just been a recent development. I just feel something is wrong with no real basis. The only solid thing I have to grasp is the phone thing. I just think something on that damn phone would hurt me if I knew about it!
I don't want to confront him going on just that, though. And I don't want to go all cloak and dagger and try to snoop because DON'T SNOOP. What can I do!?
So yesterday I met my ex at our son's judo class, having not seen him for a month or so. He was away. In Mexico. Getting married and stuff. Despite feeling 100% right about our break-up (after 16 years) and knowing it was the absolute best decision of my life, I kind of had a rough time during the whole nuptuals thing. The day of (I knew exactly when it happened because my son called me and that was part of the convo)was an emotional roller coaster. Just so many thoughts. ALL the thoughts. Was he happy? I know he's happy, I can see it. He is SO happy. I'm happy for him. But why did he move on so fast? Why did he never want to marry me in all that time, but is prepared to marry her in almost no time? How does my son feel? How will this change things for him? So many thoughts. My poor BF. I knew I would see the ex yesterday, and without any pre-planning or thought, I went to the card store and bought a card. I also got him a gift card for a home and decor store I know he likes. It was small, but it was something. I didn't think about the hows or whys during all of this, I just did it. I wrote a message in the card. I spelled something wrong and crossed it out and left it there for him to see. So unlike me. Normally I'd go buy a whole new card. My message wished him and her exactly what I hope for them. Happiness. Love. Support. Affection. Laughter. All the things we wished we had, but were unable to find together.
I went to judo class and hugged the hell out of my son. I small-talked with the ex. Then I gave him the card. He read it. He looked at me. He read it. He cried. I cried. I felt relief for the first time in weeks. Maybe for the first time in the almost 2 years since we split.
Not quite a breakupaversary story, but related I guess. I apologize for spewing it all out here, but I really just wanted to share.
This is my favourite thing on the hairpin!
My names for him: Warren (not his real name), Omen, Shithead, Lloyd.
His names for me: Red, Crackhead, Ricky, Wrongo.