To LW1- Only you know when you are ready to get back on that horse again. I was in a very similar situation to you, in a bad, negletful marriage, unhappy for a long time. By the time I finally left, I was well over my ex and most of my sadness came from mourning the lost possibilities of the relationship, not from ending it.
I started dating right away through OKC, like before he even moved out of the house. I figured that I had just spent the last year and a half of my life sitting around the house, crying and feeling bad. Even though I wasn't in the greatest place emotionally the best thing for me was to get out of the house, enjoy myself, meet new people and laugh a lot. I was very careful to tell all my dates my situation and for some it was a deal breaker and for others it wasn't. I did some things I regret but no one died or went to jail, and I also had a lot of fun as well.
Eventually I met my now-fiance and things started getting serious. I was very very nervous that he would turn out to be an undercover jerk, mainly because I didn't trust my ability to read people after what had happened with my ex. In the end I came to the conclusion that there was always going to be a risk to loving some one. They may not turn out to be who I thought they were or they may change dramatically. They may not love me the way I love them and may never be capable of doing so. But to avoid the potential of being hurt I would also have to avoid the potential of experiencing great joy. Most of the things in life that bring us the most joy also come with a risk, and in the end I decided that it was worth taking it.
Most people will tell you to avoid dating for a long time after a tramatic break up, but I think everyone is different. For me, dating was the best thing that I could have done and I don't regret it at all, especially because I knew that I still wanted to get married and have children even though it wasn't with my ex. Before entering a dating relationship you should examine your motives, but if you are comfortable with them there is no need for you to have to justify them to anyone else, even well meaning friends and family. In the end, only you know if you are ready to date and if the risk is worth it to you.
Sorry this is so long and personal, but reading LW1 really brought me back to that time in my life and I just wanted to share that there isn't one "right" way to recover from a break up.
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher - This completely! Even though you are not married you do have legal entanglements because of the house that you will need to deal with, but don't let him call the shots or push you around. You have as much right to be there as he does. Whatever you do, do not let him push you out of grad school. The education you are getting now will serve you long after this asshole becomes a cautionary tale for others.
The fact that he is trying to screw up your school either way, if you stay with him or if you leave him, shows what a vindictive juicebox he is and makes me want to hit him in the face with a shovel.
Happy hour with the bf, brunch with the ladies, roller derby on Sunday!!
For me this story speaks to the fact that there are so many different kinds of families in the world. Any human is lucky if he or she can find a configuration that works for them.
@teaandcakeordeath Maybe this: http://www.amazon.com/Rit-Dye-Powder-Color-Remover/dp/B0012DNCXG
I've used Ritt to dye clothing a color. Maybe someone has experience with the color remover?
Sooo... I've had two different guys in my life tell me that they were told by doctors that they are carriers for HPV but they have never had any signs of it. From the information in this piece, the comments that have been left by other Hairpinners and some less-than scientific wikipedia-ing I'm thinking this might be BS? Especially since there are no tests for men?
@schadenfraulein The Magic Wand has completely changed my life! The only downside is that it is huge and looks like something from the dark ages of "personal massagers." i.e. not at all sexy to use in front of a partner.
In my mind, having sex while knowingly not using birth control is the same as actively trying to have a child, albeit a very passive kind of cop-out way of doing so. We all know where babies come from, so how can it be a surprise to end up with one when you are doing the very thing that is sure to create them and taking no precautions?