@everybody Does anyone remember the David Sedaris story about being tormented by the little girl who lived in his apartment building? There was this great scene near the end when his mom is helping him move his things out and the girl peers out of her cracked-open door and hisses, "bitch" at David's mom. David is so on edge because of some of the tricks the girl has pulled and so strung out with anxiety about the whole situation, moving, etc., that he just freezes as if on the very edge of a breakdown. But his mom just stops, looks at the girl and says, "you don't know the half of it."
This has been my go to phrase ever since.
@elizabeast I know! Plus here apartment is a real apartment, not a Friends-style implausible urban dwelling.
Lou Grant: "Do you want a drink?" [pulls bottle from desk drawer]
Mary: "I'll have a brandy alexander."
@dj pomegranate Yeah, the only calligraphy I've seen in the past few years has definitely been of the hippy dippy variety.
@hallelujah SAME. The worst was when I got an invitation to my high school reunion addressed to Datalass [husband's last name]. Not only have I never used my husband's name, I'm totally stymied how they even found out his last name. (I didn't include in on the survey form, I'm not on social media, etc.) Creepy and paternalistic. It probably goes without saying that I didn't go to the reunion.
@Briony Fields Seconding this. Really, that's an impossible question to answer even without the added dimension of your relationship to your brother and your loyalties to both your mother and him. You do indeed sound like a very good daughter.
@districter I did very much the same. I have dim recollection of being quite young (maybe 4) and having a tantrum during which I started to blurt that I hated my mother. But I caught myself and said instead said to her "You must hate me." I felt pretty proud about catching myself that way until a few days later when my mother told me (in a kind of accusing way) that she knew that what I really meant was that I hated her. From that point on, I self-policed my comments very, very carefully and expressed a lot of mute rage when I was by myself.
@leon s Oh, me too! I used my professional voice at a conference a few months ago, and one of the attendees approached me after to inquire whether I ever did any commercial work.
In real life, though, my voice is all over the place and I suspect at times pretty late-Katharine-Hepburn-grating.
@iceberg I read it the same way. I've been married awhile and sometimes have to stop my dating friends to ask--"Wait, is that a normal thing? The texting like that?--before they can finish a finish a story.
@themegnapkin My mother was exactly the same, even down to the dark car conversation. Now, I'm about the age she was then and I just can't wrap my head around how you get to be an adult woman and still be so freaked out about menstruation.