I feel like if this is a first draft of a better poem. Workshopping this or working it with an editor would help in getting rid of the air of smug condescension that's putting people off.
There's a poetic truth here (that hangovers do indeed suck more as you get older and young people and their resilience are repugnant when you're feeling old and hopeless) but it gets lost because there's more emotional venting and explanatory narrative in the verse than actual poetic expression. I dunno, maybe get rid of the "yous" in the first stanza, and try again.
This is unsolicited feedback, so take it for what it's worth, but also know that it's an attempt to provide constructive criticism rather than just rip this poem to shreds (my first response).
(Sidebar: a friend once told me that nothing made him feel more like a terrible person than being hungover around his children—let's close all the blinds and watch cartoons all day!) That simple admission haunts me to this day.
I wish you would stop with this fear-mongering based on junk science. If my dog died last week it's because of the planets? Syrian kids blown to bits because mercury is in retrograde. Honestly, if I want fear mongering, I'll read that stupid terrorist threat colour code thing.
I know this is an unpopular opinion, but I took the photo as "What's Your Excuse?" for not working as hard as you can to get what you want. I'm sure there's some good genetics at play here--I work out 5-6 times a week and don't look a think like that, but I also don't intend to. I exercise because it keeps intense anxiety at bay, and in that regard, it's successful and I mostly meet my objectives.
But I'm also guilty of not working as hard at my goals (physical or otherwise) because there are convenient excuses all around me, and I believe this is the attitude this woman was trying to combat.
Bottom line is, this woman obviously worked super hard to achieve what she wanted, even id what she wanted isn't what I want. I believe she was trying to use that as inspiration to others. I don't think if it was a muscle-y dude he'd be subject to cries of fat shaming that this woman has been. Or a woman volunteering at a shelter, as @Rookie suggests, would be accused of gloating. She's proud of herself, and challenging other to be proud of themselves also. Why do we have to shout down women with self-confidence all.the.fucking.time?
@Megasus Agreed. I respect the talent but these make me nauseous for some reason.
@RubeksCube Sounds like you were okay-- what I learned from the experience is everyone has a different expectation of "proper" wedding behaviour and what "common sense" dictates. Perhaps your friend is just doing her own thing because it seems like common sense to her. I dunno. Thanks for being a nice bride. I guess if you can figure out a way to ask her without it being at all accusatory, I would go ahead and do it. Good luck!
@RubeksCube Um, were you a nice bride? Truly. I ask because I was recently in the same situation, but I was the MOH. I plan on doing the exact same thing as your friend did: quietly disappearing and throwing the occasional "like" bone on Facebook. Reason: the bride was nasty and entitled, and the wedding really highlighted that. I don't like her enough anymore to bother explaining it to her. Sad that 20 years of friendship is lost, but nothing brings out the evil in a person like that person thinking the world should come to its knees because they want to participate in a ritualized public validation of their love relationship.
@lululemming Notwithstanding, of course, the hypocrisy I've demonstrated here by turning this into an ethics discussion.
@Countess Maritza I get all this, honestly I do. I guess what I'm saying is I'd hoped we could all aspire to shutting the fuck up about how a stranger's untimely and gruesome death has inconvenienced us, no matter if its in our nature to view it that way.. Sorry that's so taciturn. I really do think I understand what you mean, and I don't discount it, I just don't think every thought that pops into our heads bears vomiting out on the Internet. Anyways, I appreciate your remainng civil.
@iceberg You're right. There's a lot of great suff on this site. I just sometimes get annoyed that many responses to stories or comments don't demonstrate listening and understanding, but rather a pathological urge to make the story/ topic about oneself . I know that's the beginning of how empathy works, but not every emotion needs or requires filtering through the prism of one's own experience. Which, I guess, brings me to @stuffisthings-- you're right, in a way. Gallows humour has been around forever (and I've made a few off-colour remarks myself in my day to be sure). My objection is more the framing of the entire event as something terrible that happened to the consumers of the news. I'd be more inclined to forgive an extremely dark joke, but "this really sucks... for me " I think is a response emblematic of a culture that is more permissive and encouraging of self-absorption than was either present or voiced prior to the era of blogging and tweeting everything.
@Amphora I understand, but I just wonder if a joke about floating, or "ew, gross" or, "man, now I can't look at the Internet today!" is really the most compassionate response to someone's baby girl dying a horrific death. I get the revulsion at the thought of it, I truly do, but maybe that's a thought best left unvoiced on a blog. Perhaps I imagine that, in an ideal world, we put aside our own need to have every thought and emotion heard and understood, to be the centre of every event , and instead be silent for a moment and just feel compassion and sorrow for another human being's loss and suffering. Recognize something outside of ourselves. Perhaps the Way of the Internet Of Today means no thought goes unvoiced in the name of self actualization and the imperative of self-fulfillment, and I'm just too old for this site. I think it's the latter. I'll show myself out.