On A Migraine *Just For You*

I used to go numb on one side and my lips would go all tingly. I would be able to envision words and sentences in my head but be unable to say the word or structure the sentence correctly, like the time I tried to tell my husband I had a nightmare about cockroaches but all I could say was 'creepy, crunchy forms.' There's also a strange blindness, like I'm looking down a cardboard toilet paper tube, like I only have access to a small aperture of vision. Sudden light will make me spontaneously throw up. If I get it in the night, even though my head is exploding, I sometimes won't know what is happening and will stagger to the bathroom out of instinct. Flicking on the light instigates immediate vomiting. The pain is indescribable. I like to use a pain scale of my own device, which is what would you be willing to do to end the pain? Cut off a finger? An arm? Never walk again? Lose your sight? These are all things that I would have been willing to trade to end the pain had it been unending. The only relief is the knowledge that it is temporary. And strangely, sometimes sex.

Posted on October 8, 2013 at 11:04 am 0

On The "Prom-posal"

The guy I went to prom with was my first serious crush, had a giant bouquet of roses by the lockers under a sign that said FOLLOW, pointing to a path of thickly laid rose petals. It led to a car whose windshield had been painted with the question, "WILL U GO 2 PROM WITH ME?" Alas, THAT girl said no. He then asked me in Econ class, specifying that he would have asked 2 other girls but he had class with me first, it's NBD, we're just friends anyway. Hurray.

Posted on May 2, 2013 at 11:01 am 0

On Six Guaranteed Low-Effort Toddler Games

I have something called the Mustache Game. It involves a green mustache glued to a popsicle stick that I got last St. Paddy's Day. I stare pointedly at my 2 year old nephew, turn away from him so my face is obscured, then whip forward with the mustache on saying, "HUHWHOA!HUH WHOA, HUH WHOA!" Then I turn back, remove the 'stache and look at him like nothing happened. To show me he wants to play the Mustache Game, he'll grab my hair and hold it under my nose.

Posted on January 17, 2013 at 4:28 pm 5

On Two Questions About Dogs: One Nice, One Less So

@iceberg Agreed. Context is supes important. You want to intervene before an incident (dog or babies or peoples getting bit)happens. Tensions might have been running high since everyone sensed the aggression from the other dog and maybe the husband thought they were coming to a boil. Separating dogs when they are straight-up fighting is so dangerous and the damage that can be wrought in seconds can be real bad. I'm thinking husband was a bit high-strung in his response, but unless there have been other inappropriate anger bursts it's probably a stand alone incident. The other dog is also probably not to distraught, since dogs are pack animals and hopefully read the cue as an alpha telling him he's out of line? DUNNO, not a dog trainer.

Posted on August 30, 2012 at 2:49 pm 0

On 'Pin Picks: Eight is Not Enough

I worked at an ice cream parlor for a summer. The manager/owner wasn't there often but would watch the shop from home via a live feed to her laptop.I would get a call saying, "Your overscooping on those mediums, that's my money your giving away." "Instead of just standing there, why don't you clean the bathrooms?" "Did you offer that man that just came in the 2 for one with $20 purchase?" I never knew when the eye from the sky was absent or just silently glaring, making me industrious and increasingly paranoid. I also wore a 6 ft tall cow costume in 100 F for the July 4th parade. I blacked out at one point, slumped inside of the shell of the suit, but no one noticed since I appeared to be still sitting up from the back of the convertible I was riding due to excellent infrastructure of the suit. It actually had a fan built inside of the head, but the owner neglected to purchase batteries and told me to just "go natural, like everyone else did." I opted not.

Posted on August 8, 2012 at 9:16 pm 0

On "Baby shower help for non-broody Brit"

In terms of fun-non-cheesy games, we got a bucnh of generic onesies in sizes for newborns to 14 months, then decorated them with fabric markers. We just sat around the table chatting, while some people did true masterpieces (one girl drew dinosaurs roasting marshmallows over a volcano), others did simple but clever (another girl just wrote "CRIB FO LIFE" on the front...hilarious), or just well wishes for the baby to come. The mum-to-be was happy because she had a lot of meaningful, unique clothes for her new baby that she didn't have to worry about soiling since they came in multiple packs from Kmart.

Posted on January 18, 2012 at 1:49 pm 1