@lilly pilgrim Your latter reasons are why I'm not saying anything, but I would DM you the name just to get it off my chest. I frankly wish I hadn't gone looking for it, because I'm sure that's not what she wanted, and finding this has only made me feel sadder for her and more helpless. I wish things had changed on college campuses in the 25 years since, but they really haven't.
@MaxBraverman , et al. I think I might have found him. I feel weird about this.
@Lily Rowan @Lu2 Me too. While I am a meat-eater, it's my lowest-priority food group, so if we're talking about the choice between indifferently-flavored chicken or guac, there is no contest.
@TheBelleWitch There is hope! My 4-month-old is not a great sleeper/napper, but we do OK, and I only truly feel terrible like once a week, if we have a really bad night/day. She's sleeping one long stretch of 5-6 hrs per night, surrounded by 2-hr stretches usually. So I sleep from about midnight-8:30 am, with breaks in between.
As far as the relationship stuff goes: for the first few weeks, my husband and I were sort of in honeymoon mode, actually (minus the sex). I was so impressed with his awesome dad-ness, and we just took it very easy on ourselves and each other. We were a team of two who only knew as much as the other about this baby stuff, so we were very supportive. We still are like that for the most part, but we've also had some big fights and I've definitely had some truly evil thoughts about him and he about me I'm sure. But you know, we also bought a house that turned out to be a money pit, and that put the same stress on our relationship, which made me understand that these things can be weathered. Just be aware of the stress, and don't put undue pressure on yourselves to be perfect or the same as you were, or undue importance on the moments when you flare up at each other or feel despair. Try to laugh with each other about the crazy baby stuff as much as possible.
Also, general advice for people like me (anxiety-filled, tending toward fatalistic): it might help to sort of anticipate that the worst will occur. Sounds counter-intuitive, but I went in assuming my babe would be colicky, wouldn't ever sleep, wouldn't nurse right, that I would have PPD, etc. Then, when she nursed like a champ right away, it felt like a huge victory. When she adapted to sleeping her longest stretches at night, it was like, "OK, so she doesn't sleep 8 hours, but she does sleep in 3-hour stretches at a time, which is manageable!" Assuming my husband and I would fight a lot also made the fights we do have seem less concerning, and makes me feel proud of us for mostly being good to each other.
Oh my God, I had to actually stifle a little scream here.
@superfluous consonants There's always Velma, in the world of cute, short, bespeckled brunettes!
@D. Lurker I have actual tears in my eyes and am making squeaking sounds at my desk trying to keep from laughing out loud.
@misskaz Yes to chipotle, beer, and especially cinnamon. I have one version where I throw a cinnamon stick in for the simmering portion and it adds so much warmth without any actual cinnamon flavor.
The America's Test Kitchen Family Cookbook has my favorite chili recipe - Slow Cooker Chili Con Carne. Look: it starts with 8 oz. of bacon. You just really cannot go wrong.
It's behind a paywall, so I can't link to it, but (if you're not vegetarian) you should all buy that book because it is just enormously useful. A lot of great recipes, but also just helpful information on substitutions, measurements, gadgets, etc.
If you do have it or find it, the two things I change about the recipe are: use half the amount of beef they suggest and use double the amount of tomatoes. It comes out more like beef with chili sauce if you don't do that. With half the amount, it's still tons of beef (2.5 lbs!), but is the usual stew-like consistency.