@jule_b_sorry If it makes you feel any better, this article makes me feel weird because I always thought I wanted kids but then didn't meet the guy until I was 34; and now we're getting married and I'm 37 and it's like tick-tock... and suddenly I'm ambivalent and not sure. And then this stuff shows up and makes me wonder if my past 16 or so years of thinking were wrong. So... yeah, internet articles - they can get in your head and eff shit up.
@Tuna Surprise You speak so much truth.
This: "Once you learn to love yourself, your self-pride will become kryptonite to these useless motherfuckers. And the good people will become magnetized to you. I guarantee it."
My life changed sooo much for the incredible better once I understood and lived that. It's true that finding your self-esteem can be challenging, but it is 100% worth it and the work it takes to get to a good place where you really love yourself.
And LW#4, you are 100% worth it.
@WaityKatie Oh GOD that guy was such a hateful dick. I can't even. I mean, if it makes all of us feel any better, he really just hates himself and does it so profoundly that he spews it outward that much, so ultimately... sucks to be him. BUT that in no way makes any of it okay or acceptable. OBVIOUSLY. Also, I loathe loathe loathe that hateful jerkface thing of associating fitness with size and using "fitness" as a disguise for being a shitty judgey person. That guy was a fucking douche-nozzle. I'm sorry you had to meet him and hear his shit.
@VaginaWig Yes! This! Quick involvement can sometimes be fine and just lucky happenstance, but it can often - much more often - be the indicator of something being not quite right, or very not right.
I once dated someone who worked very hard to sweep me off my feet as quickly as possible, and I specifically remember him telling me a story about meeting an old couple who had been married 40 years and had wed 3 days after they met, which he told me specifically to make his point about how whirlwind romances were GREAT and I should not be so anxious/distrustful/cautious about how quickly things were moving. Guess who turned out to be a massive, emotionally manipulative, lying dickhole? That guy.
Which is not to say, LW, that your guy will necessarily be those things. He might not be; he could be great. But you don't know. You can't know yet. Which is why slowing things down is a really really good idea. I was lucky to get away from that guy pretty quickly, and once I found some hindsight, I was so ever-lovingly grateful to myself for not proceeding full steam ahead. When I was in the middle of it, I really couldn't see it, but just because I didn't see it didn't mean it wasn't there. Which again is not to say the same will happen for you, just that caution is advisable. And a good thing.
This is fucking amazing. In all seriousness, genius.
I had a lot of similar thoughts about engagement rings when my now-fiance and I were starting to talk about getting married. I really didn't want the traditional, expensive diamond ring both because of everything I'd read about diamonds and because it's not my style. After thinking about it for awhile though, I realized that I did want some kind of ring. I like jewelry - a lot - and geek out over really gorgeous pieces, usually made by individual artists. So ultimately that's what we went for: something that really spoke to me that was made by an artist.
I also didn't like the idea of spending a ton of money on a ring because I couldn't really imagine wearing the value of a fully loaded new Mac computer or a good used car on my finger. So I was pretty ready to just get a cool looking $100 ring and call it a day, but my fiance felt strongly about spending more than that (which is, you know, very nice for me); so we talked about it and found a range that seemed like a reasonable compromise (which was similar to the range of what jewelers told you "your kind of ring" would cost). But I think the amount a couple spends on a ring/rings is totally up to them, and you should spend what feels right to you, not what others (whether people you know or just the general "media" tell you).
I did a lot of research during that whole process on rings that weren't from, like, Tiffany's or Kay Jewelers or whatever, and I discovered that there is tons of gorgeous jewelry made for very reasonable prices. (Etsy.com is a great resource for this kind of thing.) I mean really, everything you can imagine is out there, at every price. So if you think you want a ring but you don't want to spend a lot of money on it but you do want something you love, you can totally do that. Just give yourself permission to get the ring you want. And if you realize you don't want a ring at all - that's your choice too. And whatever feels right to you and your fiance is what will be right. Trust that.
This is a wonderful, open and honest piece of writing. What your dear friend said about the stories that are worth reading is absolutely true, and this piece is a shining example of it. Thank you so much for sharing.
Well, now you've convinced me to read The Mists of Avalon AND the Adam Dalgliesh series. It wasn't that hard to do, really.
Also, I haaaaaated Tender Is the Night and, as a result, never even tried to read This Side of Paradise. So it looks like I may need to add that to my list too.
Yaaayyy! I have benefited from your book reviews on so many occasions! Hurray for more!
I too love The Last American Man ever so much more than that other book Elizabeth Gilbert is way more known for!
And now that I'm writing this I remember I found it because of the review on your blog (which is awesome and hilarious). And it occurs to me that you are kind of my recent excellent books recommendation guru? And these lists are only adding to that - yay good books!