"The thing about guys is they just …. shouldn’t."
this is a correct and perfect statement.
Omg. Look, if you are having problems finding a woman to sleep with you, A. you are the problem, not women, and B. maybe don't ask advice from dudes with the same damn problem?
Also, is the beta thing supposed to be someone who is not an 'alpha male'? I won't go into all the ways that is problematic/limited thinking, but there is this: Give me all the beta males, I will fuck their brains out. If you think of yourself as an 'alpha male' then my vagina wants nothing to do with you, kthxbye.
Wow, I don't understand where the hate for this piece is coming from. I understand in a way, because I started eye-rolling a bit when I first started reading, but I still found myself sympathetic to the writer at the end of it. She's describing a lonely existence, where she is equating objects with the kind of life they imply. This is basically what the "American Dream" tried to brain wash us all into believing. So why are people attacking her for this, when so many other people have fallen into this trap? Is it just that much fun to be holier-than-thou that we can't extend her a little bit of compassion and understanding?
How dare she want a happy and fulfilling life, and make the mistake of thinking that material goods would help make this happen?! Well, guess what, a fuckton of people have made that same mistake, and there is no reason to go pissing on all of them because of it. It's a mistake that causes a lot of misery for a lot of people, and being open about it, writing about it in a way that might help other people understand their own mistakes isn't a personal affront to anyone. But yeah, by all means, let's tear down this writer for being honest about her life experience. This kind of vitriol in the comments is why I've stopped reading/commenting on the Hairpin, and even though I've written this stupid, long comment, I think I'm gonna go back to the land of no commenting now.
Sating object lust is something I have spent quite a lot of time working on. This article is great, it really does describe the way it feels. That heady longing you get from the promise of a life that an object implies. Except it doesn't really happen. If you get that one expensive dress that flatters you so well, maybe you do get a boost whenever you wear it, but it doesn't transform you into a perfect person who never has another issue with confidence or self-image. And the comforter set doesn't scare away nightmares, doesn't convince you to get to bed at a proper hour, doesn't soothe mind when insomnia rages. And so on, ect. ect.
One of things I do is wait a bit before making any purchases. If my desire to purchase something is driven by something else, another feeling I'm trying to deal with, then if I wait a bit on my purchase, sometimes the lust for the object fades and I realized I didn't need that thing to begin with. It's much easier to just keep a tab open on my computer than to actually buy the thing, and realize a week later that I don't really need it. If I wait for a couple of days, and I still want it, still see a real reason for needing it (good winter shoes for example) then I will go ahead and get it. But I also have become really discriminating with my objects. I don't let myself settle for things that are only partially what I had in mind. It helps to only order things from places with good return policies. It's about being picky because you are trying to treat yourself well, by only getting the things that are truly right for you.
It does also help to try and parse the reasons behind some of the purchases. If you are getting something because you imagine a friend coming over and remarking on it, maybe you actually just need to spend some quality time with a good friend.
Anyway, that's just some of the ways I try to deal with my own materialism/object lust/retail therapy.
As someone who was raised mildly Christian, then transitioned from agnostic to only recently becoming comfortable referring to myself as atheist, I sort of wish there was a community structure for atheism. Maybe there is, but I haven't heard about it, and sort of doubt that there is much of one where I live.
Like what if there was a community, support system, social interaction and engagement, all based on living an ethical, moral and non-religious life? Like you could still be focused on being a good person, doing good things in the world, but also be with people who believed more in scientific fact than old books? Also, I miss enjoying holidays as much, I wish there were atheist holidays. Winter holidays that celebrate generosity and giving, and spending time with family, as well as the season of winter as being one of rest. Spring holidays as a time of renewal, fresh outlooks, new starts. A summer holiday to enjoy warm weather/outside activities, appreciation for our environment/good works associated with helping repair the damage to our environment. An autumn holiday would celebrate harvest/bounty/gratitude but wasn't looking at history through rose-tinted glasses.
Instead of church going, have lectures about useful things, discussions of morality, scientific discoveries, experts from various fields sharing their knowledge, or people from various cultures sharing their experiences.
Instead of prayer, have guided mediation sessions, which not everyone would need to participate in, but science has proven that meditation is good for the brain and it just seems like it would be a nice thing to do.
Instead of missions that focus on conversion, just organize good works that help people, like fighting injustice/inequality, or help the environment.
Is this a thing already and I don't know about it, or is this just a crazy pipe dream?
As a woman, I have a very strong sense of entitlement. I think I deserve respect and equality. I think I deserve access to clean water, healthy food, affordable shelter and healthcare. Of course I also think that everyone on the freaking planet deserves this, but I am a SILLY GOOSE
LW1: I think it might be a good idea to just try getting physical with both sexes and seeing what feels right. As someone who has been quite chubby and beyond that to extreme chub factor 9, it can be confusing if you are attracted to women or if you are just ogling the bodies that you wish you had because society has brainwashed you into wanting that. Or, it could be genuine lady lust, and you've been ogling the male form because you kind of wish you could trade for that form instead. I don't know, but from my own experiences, sometimes lusty feelings can be confused with jealous/admiring/want to trade places feelings. I would guess that the best way of sorting that is to try being with both sexes and see what feels natural. And maybe find a sex positive open minded therapist who could help you untangle your feelings? Maybe try experimenting with your own gender expression to see what feels good?
Just keep in mind, you are awesome, sex is awesome, you deserve awesome sex (if you want it), and chubby people of all genders can get it, and get it good. Good luck on your journey!
There is no guarantee that he hasn't or isn't currently abusing young girls. I know this is a difficult subject, but...I can't help but feel terrified for the people who weren't warned about him. I wish you had turned him in, then and there. I wish you would turn him in now. I know people are flawed, but he needs help, and ignoring this kind of red flag can lead to innocent children being abused.
@Briar Holy fuck the finale! Ugh, as soon as it was over I was like "nooo, I need more. Mooooooore!!!" *wails of anguish*
Which is really funny, since I wasn't really into the show when I started, but now I am super hooked, and where is my fiiiiix?!
"Just keep it on the down low"