I understand the qualms some people have with this tumblr, but personally, I find it refreshing to see someone talking about the fact that having kids is REALLY hard. There's not enough of a community out there, I don't think, for parents who aren't pretending to be so in love with their children that every tantrum is a precious gift. I'm saying this as a new aunt who recently babysat her 4 month old niece for 18 hours and felt like death for a week afterwards because all that kid did was scream.
@Titania I'm the bitch who wouldn't ask in front of people, but would just make it suddenly happen. The checks come and WOOOO SEPARATE CHECKS! And just pretend like I had nothing to do with it. And then I would watch the mayhem.
By stonefruit on The Girl Next Door
@rosaline Can you say more about that? I certainly get disagreeing with the criticism, but I feel like it's been anything but dismissive.
@iceberg The first thing that came to mind was the Donald Glover bit where he talks about how every guy has a crazy girlfriend story, but women don't have crazy boyfriend stories, because "if you have a crazy boyfriend you gon' die"
@Stephanie Pulley@facebook That's not sanctimonious at all. You must be a hoot at parties.
This is all so, so true. I didn't know what resentment was until I was exhausted from nursing ALL NIGHT LONG and my husband would complain about only getting six consecutive hours of sleep.
But we were so in love with Kid One that we had Kid Two. And we have since learned that being able to laugh a bit while both toddlers are losing their shit at 1am and share a "WTF is going on with these exhausting, wonderful little turds?!?" look goes a long way toward diffusing anger and building team spirit.
So I had four kids every other year and they are now almost 11, almost 9, 5, and almost 7. I laughed and laughed at this essay. The first was a devil child who wouldn't sleep. The second was an angel baby that I had to wake up to feed. The 3rd and 4th were in between. I am now physically unable to sleep in past 7:00 am. They are big enough to entertain themselves on a MLK day morning, fix a breakfast snack, watch TV, play on the computer, etc. Why can't I fall back to sleep? Whyyyyy? I guess it is from years of waking up early and never getting more than 6 hours a night.
So my perspective: The hard stuff is just as bad as everyone says. The good stuff is just as great as everyone says. Of course it's worth a few years of diapers and breast pumps and no sleep. The payoff: helping put together awesome Halloween costumes, forcing your son to waltz at cotillion, Disneyland!!, Christmas!!, cheering at a swim meet, learning to put hair in a bun for a dance recital, watching the original Parent Trap movie again, etc., etc.
I had Millie Dog for years and I loved her. I dressed her up for Halloween and gave her a presents for Christmas. She pulled me out of boderline depression. I cried when she died. But it was the same same same. Kids go through stages and learn so much and then (hopefully) graduate and move out and start everything all over again. Next year will be a million times different from this year, and that is awesome.
@hallucinas I would rather hear somebody go off on a racist tirade for hours than hear a new parent tell me about how well their baby sleeps.
So, in conclusion:
Yes baby, no dog: poop is worse, but inside
Yes dog, no baby: poop is neater, but goes on forever and requires going outside
Yes baby, yes dog: dog will eat baby poop, problem solved!
No baby, no dog: no poop-handling, only pointed inferences from relatives and constantly wondering whether "gotta go home and walk the dog" really means "want to do something other than hang out with you"
This made me laugh and cry, and I read it with my 4.5-month-old sitting on my lap. I want to send it to everyone I know. Thank you.
And for those who don't want kids, don't have them! Seriously! I don't think that makes anyone less of a person. We do not all want the same things. But if you do want children, or are having one, and this terrified you, know that all the bullshit comes with some really really awesome stuff too. Last week was the worst, but my son figured out how to blow raspberries, so it was also the best.