By M'fly on "Halo," LP
I am so mad at LP right now I can't even watch this amazing video. So mad! (My girlfriend and I had a fight about my crush on her and now I'm aggressively uninterested in her sexy voice and hot androgynous style.)
By PatatasBravas on "Halo," LP
Someone needs to join me in my garden for some fierce sweet makeouts right now.
@Diana ...she is being judged as being an 'astonishingly selfish and inconsiderate person' based on one letter she wrote, asking for help. Maybe she is terrible, what do I know... I do think it's a pretty selfish and inconsiderate thing she's considering, but do we need to be so mean when pointing it out? I'm not saying everyone should be niceypants in the comments all the time but I agree that it has been pretty heartless.
@cardiganboots This is such a great response to LW1! I get really bummed out by the mega self-righteous bitchery that goes down in the comments whenever someone even whispers about cheating. People are human, and sometimes they think about doing, or do, shitty stuff, but acting like LW1 is Hester Prynne is too much. Fuck, y'all, she hasn't even DONE anything, she's just musing about it in a "I'm frustrated and can't find/don't know what I want, should I just give up and bone some married dudes?" (No, LW1, you shouldn't!) For a bunch of ladies who are usually so compassionate, it's disappointing most of the comments read like so much backhanded slut shaming.
I'm concerned that you're not going to hear any of the actually pretty good advice given to you here because it seems like a *whole lot* of us (including myself) reacted to the way you asked the question and the situation rather than your questions themselves. There is a whole lot of good guidance up there, but it may be hard to hear when we're all squicking over the way you asked it. It happens.
So. Let me first say that I totally get it. Older dudes are hot, especially when you're in your mid to late twenties and it seems like every bro around you is still drifting around in his quarter life crisis and you've got your shit together and you're sick of buying your date's beers. Ugh. At a certain point one begins to give up hope and you start noticing all these other men in your life-- Holy shit! They have JOBS! They are RESPONSIBLE FOR SHIT! They buy their own drinks and meals and others' too, and time can do a whole lot of good for some mens' faces. They also know how to talk to you without being a juicebox and know how to flirt. It makes the head spin. You get a proposition, it's hard to turn down. There are no single dudes your own age right now that you want to bother with and a girl's got to get laid, right? You have all kinds of questions and turn to the Hive Mind.
So, is it on you for hanging out with these guys and are you being a lazy reductive jerk? Well... kind of. It sounds like you really want to make a connection with SOMEONE and you're doing your best to make it okay in your mind. The horrible fact of life as you get older and better at stuff is that it can be hard to find people to connect with and sometimes you might get lonely. Now might be a good time to reconsider what you really want out of someone else. Do you actually want a relationship? Do you just need to get laid? What do you really think of these guys? I mean seriously, is success money or mental stability or just having a job, a degree and a car? It sounds like you have high standards and there is nothing at all wrong with that, but it's time to think about how these dudes align with your ideas of success. Also, take some time to think about why these guys are into YOU in an honest way. Is it because you're so amazing and hot that they can't help themselves? Is it because you might be throwing yourself at them a little because OMGPERSONWITHSHITTOGETHER? Is it because you might radiate a vibe that you think that they are perfect and wonderful and who doesn't like feeling that way? Is it because the dude might be a creep and less awesome than you thought? Do you want to sleep with dudes like that? It's a valid question.
Can you go on a tear of sleeping with whomever you want and not tiptoe on glass about other people's husbands? Another kind of. No, you should not tiptoe on glass around other people's husbands. You're your own person and their hitting on you is really their responsiblity. The real question here is do you want to be the girl who is sleeping with other people's husbands? That depends on you. Are you ready for all the potential shitstorms that may ensue? What happens if it doesn't become a relationship? Are you going to be okay with being someone's ex-mistress? Are you going to be okay with being someone's mistress at all? It is generally a good idea to go into a relationship without any pie-in-the-sky expectations, and I feel like it's pretty fair to think that if you get involved with a married guy it would be a pretty big deal for him to upend his world and get divorced to be with you. Don't go in with that expectation. If it's a one-night stand then that might be another deal entirely. But remember, there still might be shitstorms. I would suggest sitting down with yourself or a professional and really thinking about what you want from another person and why-- because you're not going to get a whole lot from a dude who is otherwise involved. But maybe you don't want a whole lot? I don't know, I'm not you. I think it's important that you do you, but you should really make SURE that it's you and not some idea you had of what you should be or what people want from you.
Whew! This came out a whole lot longer than I expected and now I'm out of gas. Hope you read this!
@Nicole Cliffe Yup. Some people downthread asked for tips on how to become prompt and punctual. For me the answer is "be absolutely terrified of the shame that will fall on you and your family if you are late." This is why I routinely show up for work twenty minutes early.
I start typing out questions to advice columns ALL THE TIME and then stop writing them when I realize I don't have a real question and really I just feel like talking about myself and hoping it gets published.
I did have a question in here once though ("Do guys like it when you wear their shirt when you sleep over or are they just being polite?") so I should be content with my current level of Hairpin advice column fame.
LW2, I had to have this conversation with my partner about brushing his teeth at night. Here's what I said: "When you don't brush your teeth, I can smell your breath really strongly, and it's unpleasant. It's really important to me that you brush your teeth every night before you come to bed."
No, he didn't like it. Yes, he sulked a bit. But he did it, and now I'm not grossed out anymore (I'm not talking a little morning breath here. That's unavoidable. I'm talking about being enveloped in a cloud of our dinner even from the other side of the bed). It wasn't a fun conversation, but we got through it. Good luck.
@yeah-elle I used to be one of those people who friends would give a fake (early) start time to, just so I'd only be 1/2 hour late. Then, I started taking Adderall, and somehow now I'm on time for everything. It's freaky.
So, sometimes your bad friends are under-medicated! Solution - if they're late, push drugs on them.
@leon s Also known as a buster.