you're a kitty!

you're a kitty!

Grad student

By dracula's ghost on Someone Explain Dating to Me

Whenever 20-somethings feel sorry for me for how old I am (I teach 20 somethings for a living so this happens basically every day) I just think about shit like this and feel incredibly relieved and joyful and also, lets be real, I feel sorry for them, and so the tables are turned and it's the circle of life

one time I ran up a phone bill of $400 talking to my long distance boyfriend during college, that's how old I am. In my day you had to pay GOOD MONEY to creepily harass someone from afar

if my husband ever leaves me I will meet boys the old fashioned way, which is to comically drop a stack of books right in front of them and then bash your faces together when you both go to pick them up

Posted on March 12, 2014 at 3:21 pm 6

By Inside of a dog on Someone Explain Dating to Me

After YEARS of reading the Awl, this is the post that finally got me to register so I could comment.

I spent about a year and a half on an OK Cupid binge, and I wondered the same thing. Like, where do these guys even COME FROM?

It got to the point, by the end of said binge, where my goal was simply to meet a guy who seemed like someone I might meet in real life. Actually, I remember calling a friend after a date and gushing to my friend that he was like people I met in real life. Literally *gushing* over the fact that he was someone I could picture existing outside an OK Cupid date.

Online dating really lowers your standards.

I have two theories about the "where do these guys come" from question:

1. Most of us actually meet a fairly limited circle of people in real life. At work, we meet people who can hold a job, many of whom have actually spent the time to develop skills and experience. Socially, we meet people who have been vetted by our friends. If most of your friends are sane, low-drama people, then their friends will be too. Same goes for volunteering, hobbies, etc.

2. People act differently on dates and on the internet than they do in "real" life. Put both together and you get a big ole mess. Something that occurred to me when dating is that you see people as their id (desire for sex and intimacy) battles with their ego (desire to look like a normal person). Some people can manage that tension, some people really, really can't. The crazy stories come from those who can't.

Posted on March 12, 2014 at 3:17 pm 4

By Lauren_O'Neal on Someone Explain Dating to Me

@Statham Yes, but as successful action-movie star Jason Statham, online dating is bound to be different for you.

Posted on March 12, 2014 at 3:06 pm 9

By Jaya on Someone Explain Dating to Me

I'm now worried my fiance is going to leave me because he read all those stories and realized that by just being a normal fucking human he could date everyone.

It's like the negging is done for you!

Posted on March 12, 2014 at 1:55 pm 10

By meetapossum on Let's Hold Hands and Talk About the True Detective Finale

@Megasus Man, as soon as I saw the woman in the house I predicted that she was Errol's sister.

I kind of wish the show had ACTUALLY had a Southern Gothic ending. Marty gets shot and killed. ("He would've been a good man if there had been somebody there to shoot him every minute of his life.") Rust blinds himself with quicklime, ties barbed wire around his stomach, and starts preaching to everyone about the Yellow King.

Posted on March 11, 2014 at 8:34 am 1

By Cat named Virtute on "Animals," by Frank O'Hara

Frank! I'm real partial to Having a Coke with You:

I look
at you and I would rather look at you than all the portraits in the world
except possibly for the Polish Rider occasionally and anyway it’s in the Frick
which thank heavens you haven’t gone to yet so we can go together the first time
and the fact that you move so beautifully more or less takes care of Futurism
just as at home I never think of the Nude Descending a Staircase or
at a rehearsal a single drawing of Leonardo or Michelangelo that used to wow me
and what good does all the research of the Impressionists do them
when they never got the right person to stand near the tree when the sun sank


Posted on February 12, 2014 at 1:40 pm 2

By Onymous on Thoughts I Had at Naked Yoga

What kind of sadistic fuck would even dream up naked yoga.

Posted on February 6, 2014 at 5:36 pm 11

By j-i-a on After a Lawsuit, Texas Hospital Finally Lets Marlise Munoz Go

@supernintendochalmers here's a thing that was sort of buried on that crowley firefighters page!

If you or anyone you know could possibly donate to assist Erick and Mateo, please go to any Wells Fargo Bank and ask the teller to place the money into "Erick and Mateo Munoz" account ending in 6476. You may also write a check to CPFFA 4182 and get it to any Crowley Firefighter or Crowley Fire Station. You may also mail checks made out to CPFFA 4182 to PO Box 774, Crowley, Tx 76036. This will go to help Erick with both medical bills, and to assist Erick with Mateo currently and in the future.

Posted on January 27, 2014 at 11:52 am 4

By raspberry on "Lady/ Assaulted As Teenager/ Or Current Business"

Having dealt with software for tracking huge databases of people, I feel very confident that what happened was that someone called the house from a call center at some point looking for the daughter, was informed the daughter had died in a car accident, was horrified by the intrusion and attempted to put a note in the file indicating such. They probably put this note in place of the daughter's name, not realizing that a mail merge would treat it AS her name. And then you get this.

Posted on January 24, 2014 at 11:15 am 3

By Katie Walsh on The Best Time I Learned My Last Name Means Blow Job

One of my favorite stories from college was when we were freshman and some older guys came up to us at a party and said, "heh heh... isn't your last name Goodhead?" and you responded brilliantly, "no, it's GREAT." xoxo

Posted on January 15, 2014 at 4:43 pm 17