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On It Happened One New Year's Eve

@carolita: That is rough and hilarious!" Dressed up for heartbreak" has been the theme of so many of my NYE's! Ugh!

Posted on January 1, 2013 at 4:07 pm 0

On It Happened One New Year's Eve

He he I'm glad Im not the only one with shit NYE luck.Worst: 2007-8ish , a bitterly cold night in Brooklyn, six months after the breakup from hell, determined to turn over a new leaf. I went out dateless with pals to a party which was fine, and on my way home alone at 2am, decided to go for one last dance alone at Black Betty (RIP) before calling it a night. ( used to do this all the time it's right by my house). There I ran into a
dude I had had one date with years previously, where I had not felt it but he had become obsessed with me, writing letters for months etc. However years later he seemed more normal and in my drunken/ new leaf
optimism haze, I talked to and danced with him rather than ran and hid as I should have done. The bar closed
at 4 and I wanted to leave the dude offered to walk me home , since I was drunk and the steets were crazy, I
said yes. On the way hem I realized he was still kind of a wierdo, and I couldnt wait to get home and be alone.
When we got to my house it was so incredibly cold that my key broke off in my front door lock and would not
come out. It was broken. It was 4 am, fucking freezing, id been drinking for hours, my friends and family were
far away/ sleeping, I was broke and there were no cabs. The dude offered to let me stay at his house and I
said yes. I texted my downstairs neighbor, ( I live in the top floor of a 2 story building) apologized profusely and
told her the front door was broken, I'd deal with it in the morning, but she had to stay wherever she was, since
she couldn't get in. She said ok, and I went off to stay at dude's house. Which turned out to be a practice space
that he had illegally shoved his stuff into , 10x12, with no heat, running water, or bathroom. I spent the next 3
hours shivering on the floor, wrapped in my coat, ( i refused to take the couch) as he intermittently tried to tell
me how much he loved me and make passes. 6 am, I go back, pay 350 bucks get the door open. Meanwhile
my downstairs neighbor stayed a party because she was forced to, during which time she realized the host was
awesome rather than the dick she thought he was at first, and they fell in love. 3 mos later he moved in
downstairs, 6 mos later they were travelling the world while illegally using the downstairs apt as a bed and
breakfast / youth hostel to support them and their yoga studio. I was not cool with the 3x weekly turnover of
random eurotrash cycling through the place, partying , complete with spacy yoga employees forgetting to let
them in so they were randomly ringing bells and hanging out at all hours, so after speaking to her about it a
few times i ratted her out to my landlord, but she had lied to him that she lived there and he believed her.
This lasted until one morning I had to go to work, and I found that I could not open the front door. There was a
problem with the doorframe , and no one could get in or out. This had been going on for hours, but the
eurotrash guests and the spacey yoga person were afraid to call the landlord, because they would get busted,
and afraid to call their employer (my crappy downstairs neighbor) because it was " only" 830 am and they didn't
want to wake her up. Meanwhile I had 20 ( non yoga! )students waiting for me to teach them at my 9 am class.
This finally got the landlord to see the light, she was 100% busted and had to move out, not before asking me " why I was so angry". I did not reply. She has a yoga studio with this dude in green point- and she never even
thanked me for brining them together! O-:
As for creepy guy? Just light obsession for a few weeks, but I guess he really had calmed down a bit.

Posted on January 1, 2013 at 3:58 pm 2

On Considering Criticism, Impostor Syndrome, and Married-People Ethics

@City_Dater #1. I say any married 40 year old dude who wants to hang with a woman, - 26 year old at that, when his wife is out of town is a scumbag. #2 Uh yeah, you are participating in emotional infidellity. And LW#3 is either playing dumb to a degree which I find pretty unbelievable or she needs to seriously wise up. To me the issue seems to have started here back when LW3 was a ' ' work spouse" What she is leaving out is the boundaries she did not draw, the hints she did not drop that she was friends only. If its getting to almost kisses, then she is 50% culpable. Being in the morally unambigious friend zone means saying " I want to meet your wife, you guys should come to dinner", being in the ego boosting flirt zone means saying ' sure I'll come visit with you on our couch when your wife is out of town." We all know when to draw a line and set a boundary between friends and lovers - and she did not set that boundary or draw that line. Seems like enjoyed the attention and the ego boost of this dude chasing her, with seemingly no consequences- to her. But IMHOP she has been on the slippery slope into being a scumbag herself all along. She could put the shoe on the other foot and ask herself how she would feel if her B.F. hung with women while she was out of town. However if she does not w ant to take a look at her own behavior, she can by all means have an affair with this dude- and they will deserve each other.

Posted on November 15, 2012 at 2:40 pm 0

On Crushes on Professors and "How Can I Tell If I'm Boring?"

I just want to add- if you are a student PLEASE do not hit on or flirt with your profs. We know you get crushes on us and we don't take it personally, we know it is situational. If we like you too, then we'll both know, otherwise, students trying to flirt with me skeeves me the fuck out.

Posted on November 10, 2012 at 6:29 pm 3

On Crushes on Professors and "How Can I Tell If I'm Boring?"

@mistything AND Advice to LW1: DO NOT FLIRT., You do not need to. The prof already knows. Flirting disempowers both of you. Just be smart and enjoy, ask yourselfif this is a fantasy , if so use it for fun in your mind and to learn. then after class, if it is not a fantasy, if they are single, and you KNOW it, if you have asked around and they have not dated many other students, if the age difference is within 10 years, you are allowed to go to office hours once and mention you would like to get to a movie or coffee. They know what this means.
Most likely if you are in a traditional college, they will not be into you, sorry, AND THIS IS FOR THE BEST. Trust me, the fantasy is better than the reality 99% of the time.

Posted on November 10, 2012 at 3:38 pm 1

On Crushes on Professors and "How Can I Tell If I'm Boring?"

@eleven THIS. YES! American horror story and red wine!

Posted on November 10, 2012 at 3:22 pm 0

On Crushes on Professors and "How Can I Tell If I'm Boring?"

@Emby Can I just say, though, is there any slack at all for the drunk person who might not have THOUGHT she was be looking for something and then have developed a crush on the letter writer and then wants to kiss that person but is too shy/ worried about sending mixed signals. afraid of rejection/ getting hurt to make a real move? So they get drunk for dutch courage to like override, in hopes that it will burst over the wall of inner resistance?My advice tot he letter writer would be to ask the drunk possible kisser if that's what they were going for , because maybe the drunk person is just shy - and afraid - and if they talked about it, there might be something there - I'm just saying, If I were hanging out with someone a few times a week, and I got drunk and tried to kiss them, it would mean I had a crush on them that I was afraid to be open about for whatever reason and I had worked up my courage to make the moment happen. A couple times a week of seeing someone ,is a lot, esp if they are new to town, its like almost fake dating... so Id be less harsh and more gentle and investigatory. Now if it tuns out the ambivalent drinker is an asshat you can find that out, maybe they are just vulnerable and socially not perfect, know what I mean?

Posted on November 10, 2012 at 3:15 pm 4

On Crushes on Professors and "How Can I Tell If I'm Boring?"

@HitchedUpKids Yes I am a teacher and I make pals with my students sometimes- with rules- and they are nontraditional students See my other reply. May dad teaches college and he makes pals with students sometimes. It can be done- with rules.

Posted on November 10, 2012 at 3:07 pm 3

On Crushes on Professors and "How Can I Tell If I'm Boring?"

@Fflora ha ha so true.

Posted on November 10, 2012 at 3:04 pm 0

On Crushes on Professors and "How Can I Tell If I'm Boring?"

@nate@twitter Yep. I AM a teacher and I teach short term non degree programs to hot smart sohpsticated adult students who are around my age range I have gone on to become Platonic friends with many of them. If/ when I make pals with these students I follow the rules- no social hanging at all until class is over, otherwise people feel bad. If I dated an ex student it would be the same , but also it's really clear the he fantasy crush students get on me because of the pearls of wisdom/ fun of being in class/ fantasy thing will melt away in the face of my very ordinary person- ness. When I so make pals with ex students I make very sure to be very ordinary very fast. Since that's what friendshipis are.... On a related note, after years of teaching I dress super FRUMPY now, partly to deflect said crushes, since people seem to get them and I dont like dealing with the extra crush energy in the room when I teach I get embarassed. Somehow I feel like being in cute outfits on top of somewhat inevitable ( somewhat inevitable because of hat I teach and how I teach it, its a fun creative subject) brain crushes is somehow unfair to my students and this is not good, and I don't like dealing with the extra crush energy in the room I get embarrassed. When I have a B.f. I dont care as much. I guess I am on the other end of the unscrupulous profs! That said if I had an amazing smart student who was close to my age and we wanted to date after the class was over, I would, but they would have to be out of my program. I did date some profs in college, it went OK, not great, not better or worse than any of my others...

Posted on November 10, 2012 at 3:03 pm 0