I'm one of those lurkers who seldom comments, but I just had to log in to say Jazmine, I am so loving what you've been bringing to the Hairpin lately, this as well as lots of other posts! <3
The wedding where a prank taken too seriously caused my date (a platonic friend, I was the +1) to throw his pants against the wall in rage in our hotel room. This, probably not surprisingly, marked the end of our friendship. I wore this black dress that reminded me a lot of Posh Spice. Other highlights from the wedding included: doing shots with the groom's sister to help her quell her anxiety about med school, and being one of three people to receive communion at mass.
The wedding where I went with male best friend to his small hometown for his highschool friend's wedding and marveled at how one tiny town could produce so many amazing people. Everybody proclaimed that we would make such a great couple, and in the parking lot after the wedding I drunkenly told him "but if we dated that would make you gay, bro, because I'm actually a bro!" The drunken irony that I am the not straight one. But we hooked up anyways, in his brother's bed, that night, and occasionally for several months after. On the drive home the morning after the wedding he bought four egg mcmuffins and ate them all.
The wedding of a distant second cousin that I took my grandmother to because my grandfather was not well enough to be her date. I wore a dress with lilacs on it and let grandma get tipsy and caught up with relatives I never see despite living in the same metro area. We didn't stay late, so I brought grandma home and met some friends at a bar nearby the reception. That night as I took a cab home, I saw my second cousin and her new husband running down the street, holding hands, all cute in their dress and suit looking super magical and in love.
30% greets family dog with more enthusiasm than human family members
50% skeptical of teenage boys
20% rocking a mets visor
On A Tidy Death
I have this exact same mystery occasional swelling on my clavicle, and have gone through the exact same situation as you where one day it was harder and more painful than it had been before, but fortunately turned out to be nothing. It's terrifying. This was beautifully written and I'm really glad you shared it.
ESID (every situation is different)
texts from dr. quinn, plz
(if you are taking requests. these are so great, I just...)
On The Busyness
@Ham Snadwich @Roxanne Rholes Richard Scarry FTW. I'm a caterer and, while it's not "Party Down" levels of exciting, it's funny to see all the different types of people when they're all grouped together in their natural habitats. Last week catered a party for garbage men (at the garbage treatment facility, at that!), a real estate agent function, a wedding where the bride and groom and 90% of the guests were lawyers, a business meeting of government engineers, ect. Life is Busy Town!
@quickdrawkiddo YES YES YES great idea!
On The Busyness
whooboy, SO smug, I think the Sheila Heti "why go out?" thing from last week makes a much nicer argument about social anxiety, but I love reading things like this because my life lately has felt like it's either 1000% too busy or 1000% not busy enough. The problem is me?! Probably.
Also "if your job wasn’t performed by a cat or a boa constrictor in a Richard Scarry book I’m not sure I believe it’s necessary" made me lolol. Richard Scarry is a big presence in my brain.
one of my friends had an idea for a band called "my dad and the dads." I want all of these dads in that band.