I was very honest about how emotionally unstable and quarrelsome I am and got Massachusetts! Maybe I need to be among the temperamental and anxious.
This is the best thing I have ever read.
@Madeline Shoes Benetint is so good! I just bought a full bottle and lost it and my heart aches so much. It works well and looks cute & natural though.
@Rock and Roll Ken Doll omg thank you
@adorable-eggplant Aghhhhh I know, it's SO MESSED UP. The whole sonnet-writing grand romantic gesture thing really got me. And he makes it seem like it's so unique! Like I'll never find anyone else to make me feel this way. Today he said "I love you tons; you know I do; I'm the only one; That's why you need me." which I can recognize as psycho talk while at the same time being like 'awww well maybe he's right!'
THE WORST is right and sometimes I just really want to tell her, like just forward her one of these emails, but I know that is bad and just getting more involved when I should be flying free like a free bird and not thinking about him. It's like I can't hate him. I just keep remembering how happy I was and the way he acts now just seems like a blip. Like if I can just get him to remember how to not be horrible everything will be fine. I can't just steel my mind and be like THIS GUY SUCKS i'm now going to GET MY LIFE TOGETHER
I'm not usually so into caps lock. This is a new thing
I have tried the changing the saved number to a mean thing and that didn't work. I deleted the number and then just type it in when I have an irresistible impulse because I do have it memorized. But I do think the extra typing helps because it gives me extra time to think? I just have to remember to delete the number from recent calls so I can't just click on that. So your advice is sound -- it is just really up to me, and I haven't been good with self-control lately.
Thank you so much for your kindness!!!! Honestly it is so nice to hear people say mean things about him because in my city, he is like the most popular man and everyone loves him. He's locally famous for his music. I just want people to side with meeee and it really shouldn't matter that much but it drives me insane! He is 7.5 years older than me and yet hangs out with my friend group and no one thinks it's weird. So I appreciate the solidarity!!! You guys are so nice omg I can do this
@cabber Oh no, not at all! It is so helpful. Because it IS bullshit. It has to be. I think maybe I watched too many teen dramas and read too many dramatic historical romance novels because the epic love thing is just giving me headaches from crying too hard and getting super angry. And it's because he's my first boyfriend. And it is so hard to realize that your first love is a narcissist who maybe does not mean what he says???
I have been dating. And I'm just worried that the whole epic-love thing has spoiled me forever. But this feeling? The whole wow my face is stiff from salt water, looking dully at my coworkers while blowing my nose into a napkin thing? Love shouldn't have to feel like this, right?? I believe you guys when you say that! I just have to act like I believe it and then maybe everything will be okay.
I can't stop raving about how wonderful hairpin commenters are on facebook chat. you are all so insightful and kind and warm and the way it is combating my crazy misery brain is just very helpful. <3 <3
@bessmarvin Also my apologies for always oversharing all over thehairpin's comment section!
@bessmarvin just got a "I have such passionate feelings for you, nothing could measure up" text. Is this him just trying to make sure I am still 'locked in' in case things don't work out with her?
@Rock and Roll Ken Doll I went to a cat show two weekends ago and it was a very good decision. The calicos with the smushed faces!!!! I love cats that look super snobby.
Totally relapsed and started talking to my ex after seeing him at a party. My calendar has 2 weeks of gold stars and then some scattering of gold stars mixed with D: D: NOOOOs. Today is especially bad. His girlfriend got back from 5 months out of town and so I can't stop being psycho today. also period. He's been cheating on her with me sporadically over the summer and still won't stop with the 'our sex (with new gf) is only lukewarm and ours is a super nova,' 'you are my favorite,' 'I love you so much more than her.' Today he sent me a message that said "I think about you in obsessive ways I feel like I'm under your spell. I wonder sometimes if our love is so crazy and obsessive that I would really be better off with someone who doesn't trigger such mad love. And with (new gf) I get to enjoy a very steady, measured companionship. But its like closing your eyes after a laser light show and seeing residual flashes and trailers." And he also said "WHEN we get back together." but she is staying at his house omg. what's wrong with me. I CAN'T STOP BEING SUCKED IN. I Claire-Danes-sobbed in front of three tours of undergrads today, at various times. I don't know why I'm posting this because you all already gave me advice that I am obviously terrible at taking. Just having a psycho day, I guess. WHY DO I HAVE NO SELF-CONTROLLLlllllllllll