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By peasofmind on "Smile, Girl"

@TheGenYgirl

I'm not asking you to defend Paglia, don't worry. Part of patriarchy is the assumption of male behavior (I'm just calling it masculine-coded behavior because it's not exactly that simple) as the default, and holding male behavior up as what women should aspire to. There's an implicit value judgment there, which says that men's behavior is right and good, and women's behavior is a deviation. Who's to say that assertiveness is "better" than niceness? There are advantages and disadvantages to both, and saying that women need to just "man up" (so to speak) is an enforcement of patriarchal values.

I also think that talking about men being responsible for women's behavior when it comes to rape is HARDLY an accurate assessment of what most feminists mean when we talk about fighting rape culture. The current default is the opposite of that (the culture blames women for men's actions), and we're asking that men be held responsible for their own behavior.

I mean this is the nicest possible terms, but it's kind of sounding like a productive conversation isn't going to be possible here, so you'll forgive me for not engaging further with you.

Posted on December 10, 2013 at 4:24 pm 4

By Bunburying on A Post-Lunch Tab

Can we not do the "lol annoying vegans" thing here please?

Posted on December 10, 2013 at 3:27 pm 4

By bombazinedoll on "The Logic of Stupid Poor People," Or, the Only Thing Worth Reading About the Barneys "Shopping While Black" Arrests

@SexySadie Do I understand why someone would spend $350 on a belt or $2500 on a purse? Maybe not, but aside from the points made in the article, you're judging people on a criteria that you don't actually know. There was nothing in the first article to suggest that woman hadn't saved up for the bag. If anything, it suggests that she wanted it for a while and waited until she had the money. Is spending that kind of money financially irresponsible if you've saved up and that's the sort of splurge purchases you want to make? Maybe for some people, going out for a drink with your friends on the weekend would seem irresponsible. Or buying your lunch at work, rather than bringing one.

Irresponsible is living outside of your means. It's not someone spending their discretionary funds on something that you personally don't see the point of.

Posted on October 30, 2013 at 9:18 pm 2

By leonstj on "The Logic of Stupid Poor People," Or, the Only Thing Worth Reading About the Barneys "Shopping While Black" Arrests

As a person who grew up and for a big part of my adult life right on that "working class" edge of "poor" and "shitty, but just barely middle class", I think the 'buying status' thing is totally true.

To this day I don't know if the reason I am obssessed with the idea of learning to sail (which I can't afford to do) is because it signifies 'being rich folk' or because 'boats are awesome'.

At the same time though, I know when I was broke, and I did things people thought of as "stupid" with my money, sometimes it was just escapism, pure and simple.

Like I racked up tens of thousands of dollars of student loan debt. Part of that debt was a couple hundred bucks living allowance per months.

Once, I made some side-hustle cash, and instead of "investing it in my future" or "Paying overdue bills", I bought a pair of fucking gorgeous suede adidas.

I was 25k in debt and had $400 in bills overdue. I could make an imperceptibly small dent in that, or I could have shoes that made me feel awesome. Easy fucking decision.

The fucked up part to me is, rich people get rich in a capitalist & consumerist society - they wouldn't even BE rich if we weren't so obsessed w/ consumption at all costs for any reason.

And then, they have the ignorance and fucking gall to call us out on it when the consumerism that is their lifeblood ends up fucking us over just as indirectly as it does directly. So wack.

Posted on October 30, 2013 at 12:48 pm 10

By H.E. Ladypants on The OkCupid Honesty Project: An Exercise in Truth-Telling

@queenofbithynia Oh dear, I love self-deprecation and intelligently displayed low-self esteem. But I didn't much of that coming through in this- just a confessional list.

The content was not bothersome so much as the way it was presented. My point was that human touches, such as laughing at ourselves or speaking in hyperbole say just as much as who we are as lists of what we've done and what we like are. Although, to be fair, I've always loathed lists of "what I like" as a means of presenting "who I am." At best it's a shorthand. At worst its meaningless.

One of my favorite OKCupid profiles ever belonged to a friend of mine who sort of gave up and decided to just posted his D&D character sheet. It said very little in terms of the particulars of his life but it rather clearly got across who he is- a nerd with a good sense of humor who can have a laugh at himself.

Posted on October 16, 2013 at 5:20 pm 4

By Ameelz123 on The OkCupid Honesty Project: An Exercise in Truth-Telling

i can't help but find this project extremely irritating and not at all thought provoking. We all have flaws, and we're dishonest about them as we're trying to lure significant others, I get it. We're also all to some degree unhappy. In fact, much of her profile writings I can relate to. But Jessica, it seems to me you're unhappy because you're so extremely self-involved. Maybe you should get a dog?

Posted on October 16, 2013 at 2:58 pm 21

By H.E. Ladypants on The OkCupid Honesty Project: An Exercise in Truth-Telling

I am having a hard time decided whether or not this kind of truth-telling can actually be considered honesty in terms of being a portrait of someone. A list of facts about a person, no matter how intimate, conveys very little about them. So much of who we are is a product of style and reaction. Humor, patience, consideration, derisiveness, condescension, curiosity, and so forth, these kinds of things are communicated between the lines when we talk and interact. How we say things is just as what we say in terms of communicating who we are.

I'm very unsure of what conclusions. I feel like I know a lot about her but I'm not sure if I have any clues to who she actually is in as a person. I mean, I have an impression but I also have absolutely zero faith that it is at all accurate.

Posted on October 16, 2013 at 2:55 pm 12

By beetnemesis on The OkCupid Honesty Project: An Exercise in Truth-Telling

OK, but does she know what "wherefore" means?

Posted on October 16, 2013 at 2:38 pm 9

By zamboni on What I Learned From Reading The Economist

HEY LADIES THE ECONOMIST IS BORING AND HARD TO UNDERSTAND, AMIRITE? WHAT'S WITH J. LO'S HAIR
:/ :/ :/

Posted on September 30, 2013 at 2:48 pm 35

By Peltdown on The Bathroom Whisperer: How to Really Clean a Toilet

I just gotta say it. I hate clean people. I'm sure you're all perfectly lovely in your souls, but I hate living with you and and I hate working with you and I hate having you over my house. If I live with you no matter how much I torture myself with cleaning that I don't want to do, it's never good enough. If I work with you you judge me more for the fact that my desk is cluttered than the fact that I am a bomb ass teacher-- I got fired for a messy desk! Once again, I am a teacher, not a secretary! If I have you over my house you judge it and me. And why can't I at least just leave my bedroom messy? Why are you looking in my bedroom? Why is there soooooo much psychic distress over the issue of cleanliness? Once again, it's not like I'm not trying, but there is no goddamn pleasing you. It is not a moral issue, and clean people have caused me so much misery that I would never think to cause!

Posted on September 24, 2013 at 6:55 am 7