Ugh and oh man, this hit me in a place. I am getting married/planning a wedding. I am generally delighted to attend other people's weddings but was never keen on my own. However, I proposed marriage because I am very keen on the actual vow/promise of it bit. For me, personally, the making a solemn vow that means more than a piece of paper from the state has quite a lot of meaning for me, in the way that saying something true can be very holy.
But the wedding bit, the reception. I am amazed at how much I loathe it. I thought I'd move from not caring to liking it eventually because I like planning big events but I hate it instead. I'm going along with it because my fiance wants the big wedding so badly and his family expects it so reflexively (and they are footing much of the bill.)
It feels like there shouldn't be many feminist complaints that can be made about my wedding. I proposed. I gave him an engagement ring. Our ceremony will affirm our equality. He's even going to take my last name (his idea.) But the hoopla still turns my stomach in so many ways and for so many reasons I can barely put my fingers on them all.
So many feelings.
As long, long time vegetarian I admit I live in a bit of a bubble, so I'm hoping the kind people of this community will indulge my curiosity. Is this surprising to anyone? I was sort of under the impression that most people knew how the meat/milk/eggs in this country get made. Am I wrong? Is this news?
This really, really isn't a comment on anything, I'm just genuinely curious!
This is my neighborhood. I run by her school in the morning. I live a few blocks from that shelter. It's entirely possible that at some point I walked past these people on the street.
It kills me that this is so close to my comfortable little life and I feel helpless. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to fix it, I don't know how to make it better.
@Don'tcallmeJenny I toates hear you and that frustration absolutely makes sense to me.
@Don'tcallmeJenny By very serious decision, I don't mean that people always find it difficult or have regrets. I tried very hard to find a word that would not imply regret or difficulty. A couple of very close friends consider their abortions the best decisions they ever made and it was an obvious choice for them.
Lots of things are serious choices. Choose a career is a serious choice. Picking a place to live is a serious choice. Choosing a long-term partner is a serious choice. Making medical decisions are serious choices. And people have all sorts of ranges of ease and reactions to these things and we see that full range as normal. That's all I'm saying. I certainly, CERTAINLY do not want to vilify ANYONE for how they feel. Quite the opposite!
@mollpants No, but abortion is a difficult choice. It doesn't mean it's regrettable and it doesn't always carry an astounding amount of emotional weight but at it's best it's still a very private and very serious decision. I do think we have to acknowledge that it is not something undertaken lightly in ways that I don't really think have much to do with stigma. And I think you're right we do have to de-stigmatize but we also have to find a way to do that without minimizing other women's experiences.
@adorable-eggplant The more I think about it, the more I find it totally interesting the way that sitting around and making up your own stories just for funsies is less socially acceptable. Enjoying other people's stories (movies, TV, books), totally okay. Stories we participate in (table top and video games), less acceptable. Stories we create together (table top RPGs, fanfiction), bottom of the stack. I feel like there's this weird aspect of consumer culture where, well, it's okay to consume culture but as soon as you are actively engaging in making culture, that's not okay. Despite the fact that people have been telling stories in fictional worlds they find appealing (Arthurian Legends, Robin Hood, classical myths) basically forever.
I guess the caveat is that if you're making culture for OTHER people to consume, it's fine. But as soon as you're just making stories for the sheer glee of it, well, that's just the bottom of the social heap.
@adorable-eggplant Absolutely. I get together with the same group of friends every week and we entertain ourselves through communal story-telling. It's a great creative outlet and conducive to close long term relationships. How is that not adult good times?
@turnipgreens "I'm interested in recognizing complication and in messing up the story that says it must be a huge, huge effort for someone who doesn't have a sick, disabled or disfigured body just to touch, just to look at, a person who does. I know it is like that right now, but I would like it to not be like that. I would like the world to be a better place in that way."
Not to be snarky but I think this is entirely in line with Christian idealism. Isn't one of the things that Jesus did that was so great was to hang out with people who had all manner of things wrong with them and encourage others to do the same?
Also, I'd like to point out that the pope has been known to randomly (and without publicity) call people who have written him letters and chat with them and offer them words of comfort. I think it is entirely possible that the act of receiving a hug from the pope might have been very meaningful and encouraging for that guy in a way that a hug from just any old person wouldn't be. I got a hug from Saul Williams once and it was incredibly moving.
(I see your other post, I just think this conversation is interesting and I wanted to add to it!)
@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose I'm reminded of the last scene of Joshua by Joseph Girzone. For those who haven't read the book, it's about Jesus coming back in the guise of a rather unassuming guy named Joshua. Eventually, Joshua gets called in front of the (unnamed) named pope who also doesn't recognize him. Joshua keeps calling the pope Peter and eventually the pope yells, "My name is not Peter!" to which Joshua simply replies, "it should be."