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On Is Great-Grandma R. Kelly?!

@fondue with cheddar My mom actually said that*. We were chit chatting about funerals and I made the comment about "celebrating her life," she said, "I don't want people to be happy, I want them to be miserable. I'm dead for goodness sake! I want you people to be absolutely torn up at my funeral! Then afterwards you can go back to being happy." Being truly WASPy, she had never been to a funeral where someone was so distraught that they threw themselves on the casket and wailed but it was her dream to have someone do that at her funeral.

Unfortunately, our inbred WASPishness held out and no one was that dramatic at her actual funeral.

*She wanted all that in a tongue-in-cheek manner. She was much more delightful than this one story might imply.

Posted on July 8, 2013 at 1:46 pm 1

On How to Remember Father's Day

@A. Louise My mom was the one across the hall. All I can think is "fuck you."

Part of the healing process and all, but I always think "fuck you" whenever I hear of anyone surviving cancer when my mom did not.

Posted on June 14, 2013 at 1:02 pm 6

On The To Do List: Aubrey Plaza Remembers the '90s

@Nellie, the Dickensian Factory Urchin As an actual graduate of 1993, I can say that we didn't use it, and rimming wasn't a thing* until the 2000s, either.

*Well, it was "a thing" but it wasn't a common term.

Posted on June 7, 2013 at 2:43 pm 0

On Brittney Griner's Taboo

Oh, man. I used to simply work for Baylor and it almost broke me as nothing more controversial than a liberal straight woman. They didn't have a sexual harassment policy, they had a sexual misconduct policy that included the words fornication, adultery and homosexuality.

Posted on June 3, 2013 at 6:18 pm 2

On Mugs, Gems, and Steals: The Fate(s) of Human Sanity

@districter As a former bookstore employee, yes, they do know. They don't mind as long as you're nice, don't smell and don't disrupt anything.

Posted on May 8, 2013 at 5:28 pm 0

On A Life in Celebrity Encounters

@Slapfight I bet it was Shannen Doherty. All the cunty d-list stories seem to be about her.

Posted on May 8, 2013 at 4:19 pm 0

On Sports Bras vs. Sitting Down

Wouldn't this be filed under "fucking duh?"

I mean, come on scientists. Did you really need to study that? Boobies move around a lot. Just watch any movie from the 1970s when tube tops were popular.

Posted on May 2, 2013 at 11:06 am 9

On Chicago: Hot or Not?

@bluebears I heard a conversation on a radio program where someone made a joke about Detroit and one of the other people said, "Hey now. Don't joke about Detroit. Those people are living in Mad Max times. That's not funny." Then I laughed because I'm a horrible person.

Posted on April 29, 2013 at 2:10 pm 1

On Friday Bargain Bin Presents: Presents

@Nicole Cliffe Well, I did have to account for the unicorn* of the jumpsuit world.

*Never actually seen anyone who looks good in them, but people tell me they exist.

Posted on February 8, 2013 at 2:51 pm 1

On Friday Bargain Bin Presents: Presents

Jane, Jumpsuits are hideous on 99.99% of the population.

Posted on February 8, 2013 at 2:22 pm 13