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On I Fear I'll Be Stuck on Level 29 of Candy Crush Forever

@theenviousmoon I've had that happen a few times, and would just stop for a few days and then eventually be able to pick it back up and get lucky.

Posted on June 13, 2013 at 6:51 pm 0

On I Fear I'll Be Stuck on Level 29 of Candy Crush Forever

I feel so embarrassed and proud right now. I am stuck on level 349. I finished the whole game a few weeks ago and had to wait for them to release more levels. I may have a problem. I am really fucking good at this game though.

Pro-tip: if you have an iPad and an iPhone, the clocks don't sync so you can switch back and forth between the 2 devices and play longer.

Posted on June 13, 2013 at 6:50 pm 0

On Texts From the American Girls

Addy's spelling-medal-shade-throwing is everything I hoped for when clicking on this link. My coworkers are used to my inappropriate laughing by now but I may have just disturbed a few.

Posted on December 11, 2012 at 12:48 pm 6

On Other Bosom Committee ISO Rhyming Nickname

That I have the same bra size as Sofia Vergara may be my new favorite life fact: 32F.

Posted on September 17, 2012 at 5:17 pm 3

On "Have you guys heard from Stephen lately?"

Oh wow. This happened to me... I was arrested out of state and didn't know anyone's numbers and couldn't get an attorney to take my collect call for over 3 days. And I was afraid to call my parents so they thought I was dead.

So yeah: DON'T GET ARRESTED. EVER.

Posted on February 6, 2012 at 3:08 pm 5

On A Poem in the Style of 1990s Slang, in Pager

Also fun to remember: yearbook slang. L.Y.L.A.S. or, maybe it should be 52-93-52-21-73.

Posted on December 12, 2011 at 12:08 pm 0

On A Handy Checklist for Online Dating

@emilylouise My ex-bf didn't really listen to music ... EVER. It was completely bizarre and should have been my first clue.

Posted on December 5, 2011 at 7:19 pm 0

On Ask a Clean Person: Get Rid of Your Men, Seriously, They Are Revolting

Why is it on the arm? Why can you not burn it? Why would he ever bring that to your new home?

I think I need to bleach my eyes.

Posted on September 29, 2011 at 11:06 am 13

On Amusingly Horrible Things Significant Others Have Said: The Bracket

Yikes, glad I didn't know about this beforehand or I would have swept the competition. Many bon mots such as, "My mother thinks you drink too much." [But she's never been around me drinking...] "Oh well she doesn't think I should drink so I told her I only do when you're around."

OR: Me "I think my goal will be to lose 15lbs." Him "You really should shoot for 40."

Oh so many more... Dudes who say #25 deserve zero blowjobs for at least a month.

Posted on September 14, 2011 at 3:10 pm 6

On It's a While Until Breaking Dawn Comes Out

@adminslave I have - no lie - read Breaking Dawn all the way through 3 times. I am a normal 28 year old ladyperson. I refuse to be ashamed.

But yes, the Renesmee birth scene brings the lulz every time.

Posted on September 7, 2011 at 4:55 pm 1