On Talking to Kelly Lewis, Professional Solo Female Traveler

Great article, but I always want to know how these trips are funded? Kelly says, "I started realizing that traveling is as simple as just making it happen." But...it's not. Every time I read an article about travel, it bums me out, because I can't afford it, and never hear any explanation of how these adventurers do either. I'd love to up and leave, and explore the world, but I'd run out of cash pretty fast and then be...homeless in a new country? I would love to know more about the financial side of things.

Posted on January 13, 2014 at 2:58 pm 0

On Beauty Q&A: Sex Hair, Fur, and the Perfect T-Shirt

Just throwing this out there, I don't think a $29.99 t-shirt (the J. Crew Vintage Tee) is cheap enough to replace whenever you need, although obviously a great t-shirt probably doesn't come cheap. But I totally agree with some above commenters about the VS Essential tee--I own six of them, they're around $17 each or $26 for two, and they are soooo comfortable and have a fantastic, loose-but-tight-in-all-the-right-places fit. LOVE.
As for the fur coat issue, I've been a vegetarian for the past ten years and I don't see any problem with wearing a fur coat that you've inherited. It's vintage, sentimental, and didn't result in the new death of any animals--whatever she decides to do, they're long since gone, so not wearing the coat doesn't change that. If your family and friends are really going to be that judgmental about a piece of clothing--which I doubt--you can just explain that it was a hand-me-down that means something to you and that you wouldn't ever buy a new one. I have a vintage leather coat that I wear all the time, so I say, strut your stuff. (Furthermore, if your family/pals are really going to be that catty about a damn coat, tell them no one is making THEM wear fur. You have to live your own life!)

Posted on January 16, 2012 at 9:41 pm 0

On Holiday Gift Take-Backs

These stories are breaking my heart--don't smash the gifts, smash the headlights out of these douchey exs' cars!
My ex gave me really expensive jewelry and I still wear it, though. I look at it as the spoils of dating an asshole; why not enjoy it? Chin up, y'all--the next guy/girl that gives you presents will hopefully not have them thrown at their face out of a third-story window. Xo!

Posted on December 28, 2011 at 11:15 am 5

On Marriage, Monogamy, and Dan Savage

Am I the only person thinking about the emotional aspects of this? Yes, it's a fact that humans are hard-wired to be attracted to many people, but acting on that attraction is not as simple as, "Oh, well, babe, it's my biology. You know how it is! Don't oppress me, I'm off to a brothel."
I know that Savage says treading into non-monogamous territory requires trust and structure and lots of talking, but to be perfectly honest, 99% of couples I know would kill/leave their significant other if they breathed a word of, "I don't want our relationship to fail, so can I have sex with other people?" The mere question is enough to shatter trust in many relationships. I understand that Savage is saying these are things people should discuss before they get married, but the bottom line is, for the average person, they're not going to want to commit to someone who fully admits, "I think I'm going to cheat on you in the future unless we have an open relationship." Be it a societally imposed notion or not, the average person (that I know, anyway) in an average relationship expects and desires monogamy from their partner (even if they have a wandering eye themselves). Furthermore, if a women asks her husband, "Hey, what do you think about an open marriage?" trying to prompt an honest discourse, he might think that it's just a setup ("WHAT?!? You want to sleep with other people? I was KIDDING!") and say "no" even if he means "yes."
I do think Savage makes some good points, but I think instead of encouraging people to look outside of their relationships for sexual fulfillment, they should try to find them inside instead. Thusly, my favorite part of the article was the following:
“If you are expected to be monogamous and have one person be all things sexually for you, then you have to be whores for each other,” Savage says. “You have to be up for anything.”
Why not encourage couples to try new things in bed with each other? The way I see it, looking outside the marriage for "sexual fulfillment" is a crock, if you adhere to the aforementioned principle. If you are willing to do anything your partner wants, then why should they have a reason to stray? Because of boredom or the excitement of a new person--which, to me, is hurtful. That's not, "Oh, I want to try this new sex thing and be fulfilled," that's, "I want to sample something else." And personally, I could never be in a relationship where the person just goes off and has sex with other people they're attracted to just because they're attracted. That's not structured or committed, that's lazy and selfish.
I have no issues with couples for whom this works, at all, and applaud them for finding something that fits their personalities and lifestyles. But for most people I know, looking outside the relationship for sex would horribly hurt one half of the couple and permanently scar their trust. Monogamy can work beautifully if people are considerate, show a little restraint, and--most importantly--keep things exciting. My parents have been very happily married for over twenty years. They still flirt, laugh, go on dates, and--not that I like hearing about it, but it's true--have a very healthy sex life. The key is to keep your desire alive by trying new things and finding each other sexy.
PHEW, essay done!

Posted on June 30, 2011 at 9:52 pm 3