On "Laughing Through the Tears": Talking With Jessie Kahnweiler About Her Dark Comedy, Meet My Rapist
I really loved it and absolutely got what she meant. There are times when I have had the weight of my own experience linger in odd ways and I am equally angry and cracking up because it can be so random. I think one of my favorite parts was the job interview because there is that thing within the culture where you are told "yep, don't want to hear about it now." Because of that discomfort it causes.
I really liked how she touched on some of the isolation that comes with being a stay at home Mom. (especially in those early years.) Some people are lucky when it comes to finding their community when their kids are babies. I recall feeling out of place when my son was small. It was that leap into the middle class and being in a situation where nearly all of the Moms were older than me, and had a different context/background. (I found myself preferring to talk to the nannies.)
@Scandyhoovian And sometimes it is a surprise to see who keeps in touch and who doesn't. I think of when I got married and the girlfriends I invited. I ended up becoming much more close with someone who wasn't that close with at the time. Where as there are some I just don't talk to anymore. Some of it came down to life & changing values -that one is always the weirdest. I think of a couple of friends from my late teens/early twenties and how much we had in common. (a lot of the same values) And somewhere along the way there was this shift. They embraced politics, opinions, ideas that were soooooo different from ones they had prior to marriage. Yeah people change, but the way people can change, can be very odd. (It is a weird weird day when someone you once knew in an entirely different context is telling you that Obama is the anti-Christ, and you see on FB, that they like Fox News.)
@Slutface This is such a true thing. I'm happy to hear about things going on in the lives of people I used to see all of the time, but FB kind of allows me to avoid having to do the awkward coffee date. Life/geography happened but I can still give the impression of civility or something.
@Valley Girl I was definitely too old for Wishbone BUT I had two siblings who were quite a bit younger than me, so it gave me a good excuse to watch it.
@Michelle LeBlanc@twitter Hey, so that is what I am kind of doing these days. My husband's company is one that allows him the luxury of being able to work anywhere there is a reliable internet connection. We did have to pay for our move ourselves but we managed to do it. (we rented out our home in the states, and then rented a home here in the UK.) It was about 16 months of planning before we arrived in the UK. It was something we had loosely talked about for a number of years before we genuinely thought, "hey we could do this." We spoke to family/friends (my husband is from England, so it did make the visa process a little smoother, since our kids hold duel nationality, and I got a spousal visa.) about details like cost of living and did a lot of math whether it was feasible. While we do pay more taxes in the UK, we don't have to pony up the cash for health insurance since there is the NHS, so that turned out to be a case of breaking even. It was still a learning experience when it came to the planning. Estate agents do NOT reply to email. It's great that you can check out potential rentals online but to get more information they only seem to do phone calls. (we are more fortunate than most in that we had family who could call/check out places for us.) Definitely give yourself enough time if you are applying for a visa, because those things take time. We sent a load of information/evidence when it came to my visa application and the UK consulate wanted MORE photos to prove that we were a boring married couple with children and a mortgage. There are a lot of good resources online for finding a good shipping company if you want to take your stuff. It will take a couple of months to get things. (or in our case, three and a half months.) If you want more information, I am happy to share the hilarious logistics of moving half-way around the world on a lark.
It was interesting that it touched on (but not enough) the reality of people not marrying as young as they once did.
I met my husband when we were pretty young (22) and we got married and had kids in our twenties. (I didn't really have a career that I was keen on, and we wanted to have babies.) In fact we were the first of our friends to do so. Many of his friends from university are just now having babies. (in their early/mid thirties) Some of the delay was related to career building and all of that. But I do wonder if more people would consider having babies in their twenties if there was more of a cultural/practical support for it. (like real paid maternity/paternity leave, affordable child-care, flexible work for EVERYONE, since how we work is kind of out-dated.)
It was really fascinating some of the science they are playing around with in regards to what our DNA gets up to over time, and how it can factor in to the development of humans.
@PomoFrannyGlass I have to give some props to the church we got married in. (I was brought up Catholic) Before you are allowed to get married you have to do some kind of pre-marital counseling and you have to sit down and have a frank conversation about this stuff. In fact we were encouraged to write some things down. It was difficult for me because money was always a complicated/ugly subject. (in some ways I still feel it is a taboo subject because of the emotions it brings up.) It's hard because it can be used emotionally against one another.
You are absolutely right about the love and rainbows aspect vs. the reality that stuff happens, relationships change/evolve over time. (sometime for the better or the worse.) And it is okay to stop on occasion and address whether the state of things is working for both parties.
I do think that LW1 and her husband need to seek professional help (both on the financial and marital side of things) to address the resentment and inequality going on. He doesn't have to pay her debts but what is going on at the moment is NOT working.
@PomoFrannyGlass YES to all of this. HAVE those hard conversations about the major things that kill marriages. Money, sex, and kids. Talk about them a lot. They are uncomfortable at first but when you get good and honest with one another, you have less stress about life, because you will have plans and paths. And revisit them on a regular basis.
@aliceandstuff to me the "bloomin' Onion" sounded like the onion should be into the dress reform movement.
"I like my appetizers to have a 19th century feminist attitude." (another bon mot from Marilyn Monroe. Look it up. You will find it on any FB or Pinterest.)