"Tintern Abbey" by Wordsworth. Always my favorite, and it always makes sense, no matter how old I have gotten.
@OhMyGoshYouGuys Well trying to be really logical and approach things with a common sense attitude (as I try to remind myself to do about 1600 times a day) doesn't usually generate pageviews, so I guess there's that. I can't imagine this whole thing didn't start with the site seeking someone such as her so that we can all click on it and have opinions about it. I guess it worked! But thank you, that makes me feel validated as a successful human being :)
Moments after my daughter was born she choked and had to be resucitated. During that time I felt a million different things, including the slightest, most miniscule twinge of relief. I feel horrible about that, but I think I was feeling very overwhelmed in the sense that I was very afraid that my life was over forever and this was a way that I might be off the hook. I had terrible post partum depression and didn't feel bonded to my daughter more than a year. And now I'd literally kill someone on the street if they even attempted to hurt or take her. I think the thing is I wasn't constantly telling myself how this person had ruined my life and taken my freedom. The writer is kind of a self-fulfilling prophecy. NO, not everyone should have kids, but also, living a life 100% focused on you doesn't make you a better person, either. I have learned a lot about my own selfishness, as well as what I need to be fulfilled by being a parent, and a lot of those things don't even have anything to do with my daughter. I think if you're always saying you would have been happier if something hadn't happened, you continue to live your life going forward with that shaping and forming your happiness.
Also, her point about spontenaiety is not really true. I find that I'm just as likely to plan a last minute trip or outing with a child in tow, it just takes a little longer to pack up the car. I appreciate her sentiment, that no one should have a child to please someone else, (people need to make these kind of decisions before marriage, I think) but I feel like this is a little self-pitying for me.
Thanks for writing this. It was such a brave narrative. I have been trying and failing to get pregnant for years now, and it's a nice reminder that this whole ordeal of being a woman is hard for everyone, and it's not all black and white. I wish you the best and know, when it does happen again, you will be a great mother. The love and bravery you provided in that short (long?) week already shows it. So sorry for your loss.
I was routinely asked if my baby was a (hushed voice) preemie. People are the worst. I had a friend with the same thing as your baby and she wanted to murder everyone. Hang in there.
For some reason my dad got really into German Shepherds so we raised them for pretty much my entire life until I moved out for college. They are wonderful, beautiful, intelligent dogs and I would love to have one again someday. However: they need a job. They are smart as hell and can be really highly driven, especially the females. All of ours were search and rescue dogs. Our best one found a boy that had drowned and went with my dad to NY fire depts after 9/11, basically to accept hugs from giant firemen and go through rubble. Our worst killed another dog. If you get one read all you can on them and spend time training it. They need it and you will have an amazing animal on your hands if you put in the effort. I'd suggest a male. Females can be more aggressive and have a higher drive. And I think you're better off getting an older dog. My current recuse was an adult when we got her. Everyone wants a puppy! Also, getting an adult shepherd will give you an idea of what they are like. If you start with a puppy you have to train it right or wind up with a dog you can't handle (as my dad got older he stopped working with them. One turned out to be the dog killer and her puppy is so aggressive I can't bring my daughter near him). I hope you get one though, they are amazing animals. Truly the best dog you can ever get if you have the time to devote. Also, be aware they are prone to hip problems so if you do get an older one know this is in your future.
YES. Not only does this not work, it etched all my dishes. I have heard amazing things about homemade laundry soap, however, and that's next on my list.
That transformative moment came years later for me, when I realized I was about to literally punch my sister-in-law for letting her troll son bash my kid in the face with a bucket and then scolding my daughter for getting in his way. It hit me that I probably would never call out anyone else for anything except for wronging my offspring (legitmate wronging; i know when my kid is being a bitch). I think it takes time for some and maybe never comes for others. I don't buy into the whole "kids are SO HARD but worth it" thing. My life is pretty easy and I still have tons of time to be me and do things that I liked to do pre-baby. I like what you said, though, because every mother I knew told me how wonderful I would feel and how different it would be and it just wasn't. And that can be a horrible feeling to think you are not feeling the right kind of love for someone. For me, that love took a few years to show up and I am surprised at the person I was during her first 3 years. I am not that person anymore. I always loved her but it is different now. I hope you continue to check in with this stuff, perhaps my feelings were due to depression? Maybe this will be how you always feel, which is awesome.
@Third Wave Housewife Lots of water and excedrin! The part where it doesn't feel like my heart is going to explode by the end of the day is a nice incentive.
@Tulletilsynet Luckily I don't drink coffee, but I do drink black tea every morning. The caffeine withdrawl is the worst part. In the end I usually end up losing about 5 pounds just from not drinking all the crap I usually drink so it all works out. But it's so hard!!