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By cuminafterall on Janelle Monae Danced All Over Letterman's Desk Last Night

@faustbanana I would probably die. Especially if we happened to be anywhere near the waters of Lake Minnetonka.

Posted on September 10, 2013 at 11:44 am 2

By olivebee on Wonder List: An Insider’s Look Into the World of Pun Competitions

This is timely; my co-workers and I just spent the last several minutes of our lunch break making bear-related puns. I share your love of wordplay, Alexa.

And I'd like to sign my husband up for this competition, because he is the best at puns. Story time: I work at a web company, and we signed a client several months ago whose business is manufacturing and selling urine-testing equipment. I was assigned the project, and I was telling my husband about how I had to reach out and introduce myself to the client the next day. That immediately turned into a pun creation session where we came up with an introduction email using as many pee puns as we could think of.

Here is a sampling:
"Urine good hands with [my company]; we really aim to please. We're going to give you a splashy design for your pee-commerce site."

Other puns used in the fake email including keeping the project on tract, gold standard of web design, streaming video, security leaks, we're a whizz at what we do, etc. etc.

Posted on August 29, 2013 at 2:32 pm 7

By HeyThatsMyBike on Alternate Theories to Explain the Greenwich Anteater's Immaculate Conception

@Emby Winner winner anteater ivf dinner.

Posted on May 17, 2013 at 1:36 pm 10

By Passion Fruit on Miss Manners Doesn’t Live Here

@di Time to whip out ye olde Occidental.

"HA HA HA, I JUST LOVE OCCIDENTAL FOOD." [Douses hot dog in ketchup.] "IT'S SO EXOTIC." [Mouth full.] "SPICY!"

Posted on May 9, 2013 at 3:04 pm 27

By coloredmaps on Chicago: Hot or Not?

Chicago is a city. A city has good aspects. A city has bad aspects. I dislike that the negative opinion of one lady has such a crazy effect on everyone else's "opinion" about Chicago. I hate and I love different things about Chicago, which I think is normal. If you come visit Chicago with a preconceived notion about what it's like, then you'll never really get to enjoy it for what it is. Chicago is a complex city, and it's important to appreciate it for what it is instead of what it isn't.

Posted on April 29, 2013 at 2:17 pm 10

By JessicaLovejoy on When to Tell Someone They Might Be Gross

Put on "I'm Coming Out" and makeover montage that fucker.

Posted on April 23, 2013 at 2:40 pm 37

By lucy snowe on Seven Days

My dad takes glaucoma medication that makes his eyelashes grow. Apparently it's the same stuff Brooke Shields or whoever is selling. Also, apparently it can turn blue eyes brown.

Funny, no one seems to want to market a product that can turn blue eyes brown. Not even Crystal Gayle (who seems to have dumped the Mentat For Her on her scalp by mistake...)

Posted on April 22, 2013 at 4:10 pm 2

By parallel-lines on Seven Days

At first I thought the headline reference to the Craig David song (modified for topic at hand):

Package in the mail on Monday
Used it for the first time on Tuesday
We were growing lashes by Wednesday
and on Thursday & Friday & Saturday
We weedwacked them on Sunday

Posted on April 22, 2013 at 2:52 pm 6

By Rock and Roll Ken Doll on Tonight's Full Moon

So that's why I've been such a raging bitch lately. My therapist suggested unresolved issues with my father, and then there's also the more recent family stress, but I knew it was the moon.

Posted on March 27, 2013 at 4:56 pm 5

By Slutface on "I Don't Even Remember What I Got at the Olympics"

He's SOOOOO not my type, but I want to bang this guy so bad.

Posted on March 27, 2013 at 12:18 pm 9