Like the author, I have a difficult time having an orgasm without my vibrator, but I don’t have a problem with it. It works for me. My bf and I still do all the other stuff, but it’s nice to have something that works so effectively when I need it to. Once when I told a guy how difficult it is for me to orgasm without my vibrator he was like, “oh, we’ll fix that” BUT I WASN’T ASKING HIM TO. The system is not broken, dude.
@GenderGendarmerie I have known several men who changed their name to their wife's or husband's. It surprises me it's not more common. I have also known couples who combined surnames or embraced a name new to both of them, or picked the name of whoever had the least siblings, or flipped a coin.
However, that leaves us in the same place we started, which is: it's up to the people in the marriage what name or names they use. I do not live in a monoculture and names mean different things to different individuals. In my case, for instance, I work in two different fields and it's useful to me to use my married name in some places and my birth name in other places (both unusual) so I don't have a google problem - and there's an advantage over a pen name in that both names are legally tied to me and I can deposit checks made out to either person.
Even if you believe unshakably that a woman changing her name is a way of caving to external pressure, whether she knows it or not, you have to acknowledge that she made a patriarchal bargain: rather than it being the case that all choices are right, any choice will work against her and she has to calculate which one hurts her the least.
Say I'm raised in a culture that has a fear of aging (imagine that!) and I have to decide whether to dye my hair when it starts turning gray. Do I take a stand and keep it natural, and miss out on promotions because my supervisors think I'm about to retire? Do I dye it brown and reinforce the same standard that says I'm inferior? Do I cleverly dye it neon green to draw attention to the problem and have people misinterpret my statement to mean I'm clinging to youth?
And what if I've internalized the fear of aging, since I've been surrounded by it my whole life, and since it's an actual danger to my wellbeing? Is it better that I look in the mirror and think I'm ugly, or that I look in the mirror and think I'm a cheater who has betrayed myself?
Which one do you think does the best job of sticking it to the man?
We cannot erase millenia of overlapping oppressions in a single generation, nor is the change going to come from cosmetic repairs. We can't poof away the structural problems by finding the right magic word, nice as it would be to call a name of power into the wind and see the world shift.
@noReally Put a ring-tone on it.
Crystal Waters 100% Pure Love!
Oh man, this is just perfect. I got married a little over a year ago, despite never caring much for it, mostly cause I just had a baby & it was very important to my partner. Despite refusing most of the outward markings like rings/ceremonies/namechanges (I'd die before I gave up my name - my son has my middle & last name also #misandry) I find myself deeply uncomfortable with participating at all, and disappointed in myself I couldn't hold my ground. Then the tax returns get here & I feel so much better. CREAM.
By glamtart on Wendy Davis's Texas
From a fellow Texan (in Dallas), bravo! It sure does feel good to have Wendy Davis.
I feel strongly that the olive industry needs to get in touch with whoever came up with The California Raisins. Also, is "milder" really a desirable quality in olives? Non-mild olives forever.
@SmartCookie Oh, they're totally NOT bragging - who brags about stretch marks and morning sickness? - but it feels like they're waving from the Republic of Grown-Ass Adult Women With Their Acts Together, and I'm waving back from my leaky rowboat on the Sea of Failing To Live Up to Self-Imposed Expectations of What Being a Woman Is.
@queenofbithynia It's not an attack, it's a description of her experience. What's true for her, in her life, with her decisions, is not a judgement of you or your mother or your decisions.
Of course, just bein real here: That same kid and her two-year-old brother spent the entirety of yesterday acting like a couple of total fucking assholes and I went for the Stoli the second they were down for the night, so it ain't all stars. Heh.