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On "Now I understand completely. Winter gives me Old Testament vibes"

I found SAD lamps pretty useless in managing my winter depression. I got one, used it for several months and all it did was give me a headache. A better option, in my experience, is getting a daylight lightbulb, and replacing your room light with it. If you turn it on during the day, it's just brighter, but not unnaturally so. While it doesn't do a great deal mood-wise, it had a positive effect on my energy levels. It does make the room look a bit cold and unwelcoming after dark, though; possibly worth combining it with normal lightbulbs in other fixtures.

So far, the only things that have actually helped me are St John's Wort and saving up all year for a holiday somewhere sunny in January...

Posted on March 28, 2014 at 10:09 am 0

On 13 Months Alone in Bangkok

@PrettyPoe Thank you! I'm leaving--partly because I don't feel like I'm getting on here, career-wise, and partly because I've just got itchy feet and want to live abroad before it becomes harder to do so because I'll be too old for Working Holiday visas in a few years. How are you finding the UK? What made you decide to move?

Posted on November 21, 2013 at 12:23 pm 0

On Something Quiet, Something Just for You

@noosey Ha--it's actually kink stuff, and I was trying to be delicate for once :) I'm really into rope bondage--the process of being tied (by which I mean involved tying-for-the-sake-of-tying, not just someone whacking a rope cuff on my wrist) just melts me, makes me feel completely zen and glorious all at once. And I'm a masochist, so I can get to a very good place from being hurt in specific ways too; I haven't actually gone into subspace (where your endorphins just take over and nothing hurts anymore) but I've been pretty close and that feels good too. And then, with the right person, there's straight up submitting to them--just letting them take control--which also produces a mental state that feels good emotionally and somehow physically too. It's hard to describe, but it sort of feels like being so at peace that my skin is glowing.

Posted on November 21, 2013 at 9:31 am 0

On 13 Months Alone in Bangkok

I'm really glad to have read this, because I need stories like this at the moment--I'm planning to leave my country and feeling rather trepidatious (is that a word?) about it, because I don't have any particular career skills beyond general admin and higher education university sector, and I want more. I don't think I'll find that in the UK, but I'm not sure I'll find it abroad, either--so it's a tough move to make. It's good hearing about people for whom moving worked out so well! And I went to Thailand earlier this year and yes, it's amazing. I loved it there.

Posted on November 19, 2013 at 8:35 am 0

On Toward a Clarification of the Word "Chivalry"

Ugh, I dated this guy who was very keen on the idea of chivalry--holding doors open, walking on the road side of the pavement, paying for dinner. But at the same time, he didn't listen to me when I was talking about feminism or inequality, and brushed it off when a guy catcalled me when we were walking down the street together one time. He seemed to think that the little gestures (doing things I was perfectly capable of handling myself) somehow made up for not pulling his weight when it came to actually addressing things that were real problems. I'd like to redefine the ideas of respect in chivalry as pertaining to listening and paying attention to a person's needs, rather than just carrying out a generic list of outdated symbolic tasks.

Posted on November 18, 2013 at 5:19 am 2

On How I Found Out I Didn't Have the Herpes I'd Been Living With for Four Years

@antilamentation Yup. People in the UK just aren't as fussed, at least not about oral herpes. Cold sores are just something most people get--you avoid kissing if you've got one, maybe disclose before oral sex (I do, even though I haven't had a cold sore in years and years, but a lot of people don't) but otherwise don't let it spoil your fun.

Personally, I feel that when most of the population has something, it's on the minority of people who are worried about contracting it to ask, rather than for the majority to disclose without being prompted--I just assume everyone I kiss may have it, and isn't showing symptoms.

Posted on November 14, 2013 at 5:50 am 1

On A Wristwatch That Alleviates the Struggle (of Long-Distance Love)

8-hour time differences are the worst. There is no point in your day when it's convenient for the other person to talk. Just woke up? Ah, they're at work. Finished work? They're asleep. And by the time they've woken up, it's your bedtime. You can basically only talk properly on weekends.

Posted on October 25, 2013 at 11:03 am 0

On M.I.A. On the NFL: "It’s a Massive Display of Powerful Corporation Dick-Shaking"

They want me on my knees and say sorry so they can slap me on my wrist.

Chillingly accurate description of way too many dudes with power. And dudes without power. Just... this psychopathic need to degrade women for no reason other than to prove they can. I didn't think giving someone the finger was even something we cared about any more--it's super inoffensive. And I'll bet you that if a male performer did it, they wouldn't respond this way--they'd write it off as just a thing guys do. Ugh. Good on her, and I hope she wins the case.

Posted on September 24, 2013 at 11:31 am 9

On What's the Best Song to Have Sex To?

@swirrlygrrl Same here! Music is super distracting. If it's quiet, you've got nothing to focus on but the feelings and each other (and sex sounds, which with a few exceptions are way hotter than any music could be anyway).

Posted on September 20, 2013 at 11:23 am 1