Blunt. Happy. Australian.
@tealily good luck to you too - all my stuff is hypothetical as yet so I have time to think about it. I sympathise with that thought. I didn't have a best friend for a long time, and I don't have any sisters... Now I have a sister in law and a best friend, but I also have other good friends. If that's your case then having a few people will probably work better. Also I love the idea of having mixed gender bridespeople and groomspeople! that might be your best solution :)
@tealily I'm going to solve that problem by not having bridesmaids. Great idea to not do matching dresses, that causes a lot of the stress. My best friend counselled me yesterday to go with who's important now. Everything I've read suggests you can't avoid upsetting people anyway so may as well get used to it? Argh we are both people pleasers who hyperventilate at the thought of this, aren't we?
@tealily I worry about this. When I was invited to various friends' weddings, it has always been as the single girl. Everyone now has two or three kids. I don't want to have a childfree wedding... but man, inviting my friend, her partner, her three kids, if I invite 4 or 5 old friends, that swells the guest list by 16-20 people. And I have a large extended family, but half of them are estranged from my parents, and my partner has a small family and just a couple of good friends who aren't married and don't have kids... And then I think, ok I won't invite my old friend, and then I think, HOW CAN I NOT INVITE MY OLD FRIEND? She may not be able to come, she may not be inclined (most of these are 1000 k's away), but I want to invite her. And what about more recent friends who you were close to two years ago and at the time they WOULD have been your bridesmaid but there's been an awkward falling out between other mutual friends and you don't really talk? I know 'just invite who you are talking to' but my life is so, so much more complicated than that.
@Valley Girl I hear ya. Mother's Day is getting harder for me each year because I want to be a mother so badly; Christmas is not far below in terms of pain and my realisation of how some people actually find comfort from their families (rather than mine which has to be negotiated with combined skills of soldier and diplomat). So now Mother's Day, Father's Day and Christmas have this undercurrent for me of thinking of everyone who finds the day painful rather than a blithe celebration. internet hugs!
@Absurd Bird I say something similar... I don't like kids because they are kids; some kids I like, because they are people, and I like some people. Some people I don't like and that includes some kids and that's ok!
Also I felt the same way as a child. I wasn't very good at being a kid the way some people want you to be, I had a pretty critical family, and I desperately wanted to be grown up so I could go wherever and and do whatever I wanted without being thwarted or criticised. I would never ever ever return to being a kid, being an adult is so much better. and I sympathise with kids, I remember what that was like!
@iceberg oh shit, sorry I didn't mean to sound creepy! Just I know you are also Australian, and I wondered where you live. I wasn't planning to come over and be scary.
@stonefruit Yes, I have observed this exact thing, and I work with teenagers and have a lot of friends with small children. I have never been an 'I love kids' person, but I did grow up with a large extended family, and a lot of younger cousins. I don't gush over a kid bigger than toddler, I don't baby them, and I talk to them like they are people. Kids and teenagers seem to like/respect me in return. If you go in all fake enthusiasm and 'Oh yay you're a kid' then kids are... not interested.
@iceberg where are you anyway? I'm in Lismore in NSW :)
@Linette I want to have kids, but I am also a kid magnet. Sometimes I think maybe it is like cats - I don't like cats (am allergic), and yet cats love me. I read that with cats, it is a body language thing - if you ignore a cat when it 'meets' you, they take that as the proper method of introduction, and thus decide you are a great person to get to know as you know how to speak their language. So with kids, I wonder if they also just perversely sense that you're uninterested but not hostile(I will smile and greet kids warmly, but I try to respect their personal space - lots of people seem to just swoop in forgetting not all kids like that). And then the kid wants to climb all over you because you aren't fawning all over them.
@quamquam vivit DAMMIT DON'T SAY THAT! I have been watching as my friends have babies for years and they use all the lovely tradiational names that I have liked since the 90s... my last name is Italian and starts with a vowel so most girl names sound crap with it - need a name that ends in a consonant... and I have been like 'hmmm none of my friends have a Violet and there are hardly any famous ones'... DAMMIT DAMMIT DON'T SAY IT!!!
sighhhh by the time i get to have a baby it's totally gonna be a popular name isn't it. sigh