On Seven Irish Women You Should Know

Wonderful piece! If only we could have had it in time for St. Brigid's Day.

Posted on March 17, 2014 at 4:12 pm 2

On An Unhealthy Relationship (with Food)

@Mariajoseh Hi. Julia here. Emma asked me to tell my story based on a comment I posted on Charlene Cheung's Engagement Chicken, Three Ways. This is a fictionalization true events. All names have been changed, blah, blah.

Posted on March 11, 2014 at 5:53 pm 0

On Engagement Chicken, Three Ways

I made engagement chicken for a guy I was seeing at the time, with the lemon stuffed in the cavity. It was serious. We'd been together about a year. I'd researched this. Rosemary for commitment. Cinnamon for sweetness and masculine energy. Cayenne for hotter sexy times. He was a big eater. I cooked for him fairly often and he was always appreciative.
He never showed. He had one of those days where you think it's Tuesday all day, but it's Wednesday. He never ate a bit of that chicken.
I realized he had a lot of those days. Then a couple of years later, he got one of his coworker pregnant, so maybe he knew what day it was after all.
Today I'm engaged to a man who worked in a chicken processing plant for a summer and won't eat fowl. He also almost always knows what day it is and he cooks for me too.

Posted on January 16, 2014 at 12:57 pm 10

On The Best Time I Learned My Last Name Means Blow Job

@elephony I know a Michael Hunt who goes by Mike. He fully admits his parents are assholes.

Posted on January 16, 2014 at 1:17 am 0

On 12 Lesser-Known Scented Candles

Summer at the lake- musty sheets, wood smoke, lemon Pledge and potato chips.

Posted on January 7, 2014 at 10:19 pm 0

On How the Nutcracker Wrecked My Christmas

The smell of the person who wore Grandmother's wig and the Mouse King's Head before you.

Posted on December 23, 2013 at 9:07 pm 0

On Ask a Glutton: I Need to Trick Everyone Into Thinking I'm an Adult This Thanksgiving

@Elle Marie@twitter Pre-making rocks. I'm doing my stuffing in the crockpot, because- massive amounts of stuffing. Anything that needs to be pre-cooked gets cooked before. It goes in for 2-4 hours on low (watch it, it may bake faster in yours) then sits on warm until you eat.

Posted on November 27, 2013 at 1:53 pm 0

On Take a Nice Selfie at My Funeral

@KeLynn I think most kids aged 11-19 are that level of self-absorbed, that doesn't mean they're little shits. It means they're aged 11-19. Most of them grow out of it. Some of them grow up to be judgmental too.

Posted on November 1, 2013 at 8:08 pm 0

On Take a Nice Selfie at My Funeral

We've taken a few nice family photos at funerals. We're all together and we're all dressed up. It's one of the few times.

Posted on November 1, 2013 at 8:05 pm 0

On A Revenge Scenario For Student Loan Borrowers

@kate.m I agree. I think Elizabeth Warren should lead the revolt. I think, in real life, if it will work, yeah, there will be casualties. I think the first few hundred or so to try this will have their wages garnished and lose their homes (if they have them) and all the other things that happen during a revolt. But if they are vocal maybe there will be change.
I don't know if it will be with me. I am kind of comfortable and snarky (see below).

Posted on October 16, 2013 at 5:54 pm 0