On Ask a Lady, Special Edition: The Repercussions of Sexual Abuse
Dude - I was raped and sexually assaulted as an adolescent and teenager and for me, "daddy" role play in bed has nothing to do with my abusers and everything about controlling my sexual experience. The fact that my sex partners and you are people who will stop on command gives us control. If she can have an orgasm during sex, it shows that she has done the work she needed to be sexually healthy in spite of her past. You need to get a grip. If something triggers her to re-experience her trauma, she will not be having an orgasm. She will be crying or frozen or shivering or hysterical or showing any of the many other behaviors people display from extreme stress - none of which are orgasm.
Women who have not been raped can call their sex partner daddy in bed without catching hell for it. Give your fiancee the same courtesy. If she is having an orgasm she is fine. If she is being forced to see her (normal, common, vanilla) fantasy as sick or unhealthy by someone she loves and trusts then she is going to start to have issues, because you are going to be traumatizing her just like other men from her past.
Apologize to her for over-reacting and promise that in the future you will seek understanding before jumping to conclusions. To be fair to you and your comfort, she should work with you to gradually adopt other fantasies and try to discover modes of manual stimulation that can bring her to orgasm, if for no other reason that 50 years of the same old role play would be incredibly dull for you both.
Meanwhile you need to be in therapy so you can learn to cope with her past and never hold it against her. If you absolutely can not deal with her past and the ways in which she copes, then you need to leave her before you do her new damage.
6
On What It's Like to Get a Biopsy
AAGH! A colposcopy and cervical biopsy are JUST LIKE THAT. They told me I would feel a little pinch and that I might see a little spotting. I felt like i had been gut punched and every muscle in my pelvis was clamped down. They gave me a pantyliner the size of half a square of toilet paper which was seriously inadequate for the mess of betadine and granules of clotted blood. Nobody mentioned that all the skin might slough off my cervix and most of my vagina. Would it kill them to be honest up front? They shouldn't be surprised when women are a little lax with their follow ups.