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On "The bigger my ego, the closer I get to a drink": A "Status Update, I'm Sober" Interview with Caleb

@Celestine Jackson@twitter you seem to overlook that Caleb is ALREADY recovering successfully.. At that level of reading comprehension, how much help are you really gonna be in writing a dissertation?

Posted on January 7, 2014 at 9:28 am 2

On Erica Gets An IV

I have big, blue,visible veins and yet, the blood takers always end up standing there going "hmmm" and sticking, like, the crook of my elbow or the back of my hand (!). And also there are a couple colleges w nursing schools near where I live so the hospital is occasionally (like, the day I had to visit for surgery) hosting students who get three sticks each before they have to get someone else to do it. I always joke (but really I'm serious) that next time I'm gonna bring along my shot out wild haired neighbor who spent the seventies sticking needles in his arms. Bc he'll throw all that professional protocol aside and get it in one. Perhaps somewhere awesome and metal like the neck, as an added bonus

Posted on December 9, 2013 at 9:29 pm 0

On How I Found Out I Didn't Have the Herpes I'd Been Living With for Four Years

You know, I had an infection in the follicles of my pubic hairs once. It was crazy nasty and incredibly painful, and looked to (a well educated, well read, pretty well abreast of these things) me like genital herpes. And of course the same behaviors that invite STD's can also open you up to other bacteria and virus that are not exclusively sexually transmitted, so the circumstantial evidence also supported herpes. But when I went to the health department for it, the nurse practitioner was able to tell they were not herpes sores. Though they did not offer me an antibiotic or even a topical cream, which is not so relevant but just looking back seems inappropriate. So, the symptoms of one affliction can masquerade as those of another, different affliction, and maybe the nurse you saw didn't take that into account as much as she should have. Probably a culture of one of your sores would have been a better diagnostic tool than her best educated guess.

Posted on November 14, 2013 at 10:58 am 0

On Selective Empathy and "An Outlet for Maternal Feelings"

@frumious bandersnatch Ugh. And it seems like every few years a new group of young women come of the age where they echo this sentiment, b/c they do not realize how cliched and insincere it is. OTOH, ;there are particular times that particular women have said this to me--often w/out the *b/c other girls are sooo jealous of me* part--and I think what they really mean is *I do not know how to connect w/other women but I could so please do not laugh at my overtures of friendship once I am gone* soooo.....maybe we should be nice to them, at the very least so they have no merit to this whole *oh it is jealousy plus girls hate me b/c I am the first and only woman to ever be pretty also I have not included the word drama enough times yet....drama*

Posted on January 4, 2013 at 8:59 pm 6

On Drynuary: What and Why

@area@twitter What is w/the grapefruit? Ha, did you know, they actually make a pointed, um, point of NOT warning you off it at the methadone clinic, though every other literature about and prescriber of methadone will, b/c it is one of the drugs whose effects are made more potent by grapefruit. Because, you know, drug addicts taking risks in the name of drugs. I guess they figure the risk of one of their patients actually just happening to willingly drink grapefruit juice is negligible. B/c it is so gross and you have to drink the REAL nasty, not the sweetened low percentage shit, for it to happen

Posted on January 3, 2013 at 12:21 am 0

On Chamberpots: A Resurgence?

@TheBourneApproximation GGAAAHHHH...."I don't have air conditioning" is like, the Florida (or any hot climate, I suppose) version of "I don't own a TV". And you know how there's some people that just actually don't own a TV, but then there's those OTHER people that Don't Have Television; and one of them just doesn't have a TV and one of them is insufferable? Yeah.

Posted on December 30, 2012 at 7:48 pm 0

On A Lazy Man's Guide to Seducing Women

@sparrow303 Ha ha...I think the old days version of that is etchings. This was a Thing, right? Would you like to come up and look at my etchings? I swear I remember hearing this enough that I believed it was a a tried and true ploy. For awhile in my early 20s I thought etchings were a fake thing (they are not, but they are not at all what you would think they are either. Though I actually cannot remember what it is they ARE right now) made up by old men of a certain type just to get ladies up to their apartments and that like, the world of old timey courtship would IMPLODE if ever a lady actually demanded an erudite gentleman produce said etchings.

Posted on December 17, 2012 at 10:05 pm 6

On Texts From the American Girls

@TheLetterL For some reason, Kirsten was like, the business amongst my peers and at school. Kirsten and her St Lucia headdress. Everyone had her, and if they didnt, they wanted her. I came of age in Pleasant Companys heyday too--none of this interchangeable heads and kicky striped T shirt just like me dolls for me--so I know from my American Girl hierarchy. And so I can tell you w/authority that I cannot comfort you when it comes to Molly. Even when she Saved the Day the stakes werent all THAT high. All I remember her doing, really, was not eating turnips until her mom got home in one book and probably she had a crisis involving a fabric shortage for her pantyhose or something too didnt she?

Posted on December 11, 2012 at 10:33 pm 2

On Texts From the American Girls

@LaurenF That is about what I came here to say, too. I had Felicity and Samantha, and we werent even THAT family (you know, the one with the girl who has all the dolls and all the accessories and like, the human size dresses for herself), but I got them! They had a bunch of knock off dresses made by some lady at a state fair booth though (they were actually very lovely and well made), so I guess I could have both dolls b/c my mom didnt get suckered on the accessories.
Eventually I got...someones (Samantha?) birthday set, w/all the little cakes and tea set and the fancy table and chairs. I think that was more for my mom b/c every year she would set them up in a beautiful Christmas tableau, until the year they were caught on film, mixed in w/the family photos, holding little tiny straws to their little tiny noses to inhale little tiny lines of powder off Samanthas dowager Grammas mahogany table. The family blamed me, but I...and I think you all too....know to blame Samantha, b/c which of us do you think it is more likely was the blowsy wannabe celebutante?

Posted on December 11, 2012 at 10:19 pm 6

On Rich People Quit Opiates Like This, Poor People Quit Opiates Like That

@Only does it to be popular I suppose these are the same women who were getting pregnant so that their welfare check would increase back in the 90s? They never did manage to catch one of those unicorns for us btw.

Posted on December 5, 2012 at 5:58 pm 4