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Can Femmes Prefer Femmes, Hating Your GF's Therapist, Am I Heterosexual, and LDRs

My surface question is this: How common, really, is the sort of stereotypical "femme/butch" dynamic in female same-sex relationships? READ MORE

Apologia

Have you seen that Pantene commercial that’s been making the social media rounds? The one that asks why women are always apologizing? READ MORE

Coming Out 'Wholesale,' Emotional Affairs, and Crushing on Chicks Who Don't Dig Chicks

I’m a 37-year-old lady who came out as bisexual in the ‘90s, and then struggled for 4 or 5 years, before I threw up my hands and ‘decided’ to ‘just be straight.’ My mom was pissed I was gay/bi—especially when she didn’t believe me. I ran down the list, ending with, “Remember that friend who used to stay over nights? Yeah, we totally boned upstairs. A lot.” And my friends were gently confused but didn’t care one way or the other. More dismaying were the men I dated, who predictably were down with the self-serving mental imagery of their lady getting it on with a lady, but which had little or nothing to do with me as a person, or any hypothetical women as persons, or female sexual reality. (So many fights about how bi women are not inflatable dolls for men’s sexual fantasies. So many.) But the real issue was what felt like the ‘all or nothing’ expectations of the gay women I tried to be with. Lipstick lesbian was a contemptuous ‘90s term turned in my direction more than once, and it was pretty disheartening. Thank god sexuality has come to be understood as more fluid over the last 20 years. It seems like bi girls don’t get laughed out of the conversation anymore. Maybe? READ MORE

Dating a Quasi-Boss, Becoming Lesbian Othello, and Taking the Road Less Confusing

I’ve got myself in knots about my friend. Since we met she had always been the paradigm of the best and most fun. Back then it was harder to get close to her. I was more tame and unavailable. There was also always some chemistry. I don’t know how much it matters that I've really only dated dudes long-term. This has never hindered my identifying as queer, but has obviously limited my expression of that part of myself. Somehow these things are maybe connected. READ MORE

Coming Out at Work, An Introductory Queer Library, and Being "Queer Enough"

I'm a college student about to be an RN and I work in a bar. It's difficult when men flirt with me—the regulars like me, but there's times where I've had bitter men say to other customers at the bar that my problem is that I don't like men and don't waste their time tipping me well. Femme queer-invisibility is a real thing in my workplace. I should be able to be an out lesbian at my future employment, but when working for so many people in a continuously changing environment, I almost wonder if I should just remain a "liar," stay closeted and just keep my distance from my co-workers. READ MORE

Logan Echolls Syndrome, Cohabitation Power Politics, and The Girlfriend Label

Can you explain me to me? I am very difficult to please when it comes to women. I'm hardly attracted to anyone, ever, and then when I finally do find someone ludicrously attractive, they're always borderline psychopathic. This isn't even a joke. After a year and a half of being with my last girlfriend, she vanished away and I found out she'd given me a fake name. The one before that was an alcoholic who stole from my handbag, trashed my house on a regular basis and would be brought home by the police approximately twice a month (that relationship lasted three years, woohoo!). Really, I'm talking about sociopaths here. I meet a lot of wonderful, beautiful women who are completely nice and sane, but for some reason I just can't get interested. Last year I briefly dated the perfect girl—absolutely stunning, sweet, funny, interested in everything—and it just didn't work. Sexually, there was no spark at all. Probably if she'd told me "hey, I'm a meth addict!" I would suddenly have fallen in love or something. READ MORE

Coming-Out Technology, Exiting the Girlfriend Zone, and the Lesbro Conundrum

Hey! I'm a 20-year-old bi lady finding myself in a bit of a dilemma. Since I was 13, I've had at least some interest in women as well as men, but really only embraced the bisexual label last summer, when I went abroad and met a bunch of really cool queer people who helped me come to terms with it. Since then, I've come out to my immediate family and some of my friends from home, who've all been really supportive. READ MORE

The Pubic Issue, Non-Monosexuality 101, and The Cool Gay Auntie

So... I need pubic hair advice. I've been considering sleeping with women, and in my imagining of it, there's a lot more oral sex than I've typically had with men. Which I'm totally down for, but I'm really turned off by the idea of such close encounters with hair around the labia on myself or my partner. In your experience, do most queer chicks shave/wax for this reason? Or is this an aversion I'll eventually get over if I decide I'm queer? This has weirdly been a big mental hurdle for me. READ MORE

Coming Out Late In the Game, Embracing the Inner Bridezilla, and Recharging Your Libido

I'm in recovery from a year and a half of sleeping with someone who manipulated me into doing things I wasn't comfortable with, told me I was worthless, decided he didn't want to be exclusive (I didn't either) but deserved to know in explicit detail about any hookups I had, and didn't listen when I said no about anything ever. So he was bad for me, and I said goodbye four months ago and haven't talked to him since. READ MORE

Talking to Kelly Lewis, Professional Solo Female Traveler

Kelly Lewis is the founder of Go! Girl Guides, a company that writes and publishes guidebooks for solo female travelers, as well as a beloved friend of mine. READ MORE