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"Rebounding," Internet Dating, and Oppressive Monogamous Conditioning

I’m a queer man who’s just come out on the other side of a 5-year relationship (and being in my early 20's, that is a major chunk of my life) with a wonderful man whom I still very much care about, but it was time to move on and make choices for myself and be alone for a bit. We only officially broke up in the past week and a half, but I had been thinking about it and dealing with the possibility of the break up for a while longer than that time. READ MORE

How to Have a Boyfriend, "Advanced Dating," and Girls With Short Hair

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The Zombie Apocalypse, "Shark Week," and My Great-Grandmother’s Vengeful Ghost Screams

My girlfriend and I have been going through a rough patch lately. In fact, we were on the verge of breaking up, then we decided to stick it out, but then the zombie apocalypse broke loose and suddenly we both had a lot on our plate and not much energy left over to process and get our relationship back on track. I just found out that she was bitten by a zombie, but has been covering up the wound (which is about two days old and looks really nasty) while she tries to figure out a way to cure the virus. I feel betrayed by the fact that she withheld this information from me, especially when she knew that one of the biggest issues in our relationship was her being unwilling to share. Is there any hope for us, or should I just cut her head off and move on? READ MORE

"Too Many" Straight Friends, Hiding Your Sex Tools, and Life in the Queer Lane

I had a breakup recently from a relationship that meant a lot to me. It was quick and intense, but I feel absolutely hurt and broken-hearted. During our breakup fight, she accused me of having too many straight friends (her exact words: "all your friends are straight!"). Even though I'm pained from the breakup as a whole, this one statement has really stuck with me. READ MORE

Big Lesbian Feelings, Fearful Mothers, and Proper Pronouns

I went through a big deal breakup a month ago and am now attempting casual dating/hooking up. How/when should I tell people I'm not looking for an actual relationship? Any other casual dating advice you might have would be very welcome. READ MORE

Can Femmes Prefer Femmes, Hating Your GF's Therapist, Am I Heterosexual, and LDRs

My surface question is this: How common, really, is the sort of stereotypical "femme/butch" dynamic in female same-sex relationships? READ MORE

Apologia

Have you seen that Pantene commercial that’s been making the social media rounds? The one that asks why women are always apologizing? READ MORE

Coming Out 'Wholesale,' Emotional Affairs, and Crushing on Chicks Who Don't Dig Chicks

I’m a 37-year-old lady who came out as bisexual in the ‘90s, and then struggled for 4 or 5 years, before I threw up my hands and ‘decided’ to ‘just be straight.’ My mom was pissed I was gay/bi—especially when she didn’t believe me. I ran down the list, ending with, “Remember that friend who used to stay over nights? Yeah, we totally boned upstairs. A lot.” And my friends were gently confused but didn’t care one way or the other. More dismaying were the men I dated, who predictably were down with the self-serving mental imagery of their lady getting it on with a lady, but which had little or nothing to do with me as a person, or any hypothetical women as persons, or female sexual reality. (So many fights about how bi women are not inflatable dolls for men’s sexual fantasies. So many.) But the real issue was what felt like the ‘all or nothing’ expectations of the gay women I tried to be with. Lipstick lesbian was a contemptuous ‘90s term turned in my direction more than once, and it was pretty disheartening. Thank god sexuality has come to be understood as more fluid over the last 20 years. It seems like bi girls don’t get laughed out of the conversation anymore. Maybe? READ MORE

Dating a Quasi-Boss, Becoming Lesbian Othello, and Taking the Road Less Confusing

I’ve got myself in knots about my friend. Since we met she had always been the paradigm of the best and most fun. Back then it was harder to get close to her. I was more tame and unavailable. There was also always some chemistry. I don’t know how much it matters that I've really only dated dudes long-term. This has never hindered my identifying as queer, but has obviously limited my expression of that part of myself. Somehow these things are maybe connected. READ MORE

Coming Out at Work, An Introductory Queer Library, and Being "Queer Enough"

I'm a college student about to be an RN and I work in a bar. It's difficult when men flirt with me—the regulars like me, but there's times where I've had bitter men say to other customers at the bar that my problem is that I don't like men and don't waste their time tipping me well. Femme queer-invisibility is a real thing in my workplace. I should be able to be an out lesbian at my future employment, but when working for so many people in a continuously changing environment, I almost wonder if I should just remain a "liar," stay closeted and just keep my distance from my co-workers. READ MORE