I love this. This is why People of Walmart and hilarious graphics of fat people existing (like the one of the woman wearing beige leggings) have always really bugged me. Not hilarious, guys, sorry.
@rathermarvelous Me too. But I guess that's mostly because I'm currently reading Lauren Graham's novel, and this is fairly indicative of my reading tastes.
Thanks for including those last two links, I think it's important to remember those who have complicated feelings about mothers day, and not just because of death.
In my case it's twofold, my family never celebrated those days (mother's day, father's day, valentine's day, etc) with much oopmh, both my parents referring to them as "blackmail holidays" and saying that the people honored on those days should be loved and appreciated every day. I'm not really sure what I think about, but I do feel uncomfortable with the way commercialized holidays often set up unmeetable expectations for the alleged honorees, often causing frustration and disappointment.
My second issue is that my relationship with my mother is fairly new, and even then it's a very deliberate, careful relationship that I have put a lot of time and effort into building, and accepting that she's not the kind of mother-y mom that so many other people have. Only in my later years of college and a few years into her second sobriety did we start building, and she's still a person with a lot of her own baggage.
But now that I write that, I realize I am proud of her for how far she's come, and how much less negative she is now, and how much more positivity she brings to the world. I am happy and thankful for that, and I do love her very much.
I think the problem with mother's day for me is the way that it focuses so much on "thank you for all you've done for me, you've always been there for me" when I don't really feel that way about my mother. But I do appreciate where we are now, and I'm thankful she's alive and part of my life.
Huh, so maybe this day isn't so terrible after all.
Thanks, Hairpin, for being a space where I worked out some complicated feelings!
Oh my gosh you guys the Great Gatsby soundtrack! Stop whatever you're doing and listen to it RIGHT NOW. Yes, a thousand times yes.
okay this is fucking hilarious
I feel compelled to point out that she actually only refers to her children as parasites once, and the rest are pull quotes and captions, giving a slightly worse impression of what she really said.
I found what she wrote to be terrible, but still I am fairly sympathetic to her, because she is a living manifestation of my fears. I honestly don't know whether or not I want to have children, although I generally lean towards no, and my husband unequivocally does want them. Recent evidence (my reaction to friends with kids) has made me believe that maybe I do, but I don't have urges or a ticking clock, and I'm not maternal in the slightest. I am pretty afraid of ending up in a situation similar to hers, and there's a lot of sorting through that I need to do before I make a decision.
In general, I do always like to hear the voices that counter "every woman wants babies and even if you think you don't once you have them you will be in love with them" because I find that mentality pretty oppressive, and it's frustrating and exhausting when someone's reflexive answer to me saying I don't want kids is "Don't worry, you will." It's a problem for me that people treat parenthood as natural, and therefore all of us who don't believe in it are unnatural.
The most uncomfortable parts to me were her not caring about the umbilical cord, and not being worried after forgetting her son at the store. I can't imagine what that's like for her son reading that in print. And it's a little strange that she keeps insisting that she was a great mom and her kids felt loved... oh yeah? I'd like to hear from them. Maybe they really are like Nicole, aware of it and okay with it, but also they may not be, and this is horrible.
@New Hoarder omg I love Joe Biden so much, I would die to shake his hand!
@mczz I will say though, points for honesty! What's the internet for if we can't get down and dirty with the terrible things in our lives?
Okay, LW4, everyone's being pretty hard on you, and I'm just trying to figure out what your actual question is. You basically just said "I had relationships with some people and shit went down, I don't feel good about it, but I've moved on and it looks like they have too." Nothing here seems like a real problem, except maybe you're feeling guilty? Not real clear to me... I think the answer to your questions of "How do I work through these feelings?" is pretty simple - therapy! Also, getting some clear headspace and meditating, like another commenter suggested. It doesn't seem like there's anything left for you back there, and you should work on focusing on the relationships you do have (your new partner, the mutual friends), and maybe atone/forgive yourself for the bad shit that went down, if that's something holding you back. The bottom line though, this is about you, and it has nothing to do with them. Maybe journal? FEELINGSART? Just try not to involve anyone else as you sort through it.