@leonstj I'm a writer and anytime I've gotten positive feedback like that, it's made my day. So, it might feel weird, but I think you should keep doing it.
By leonstj on We're All Jerks
The weird thing is how strange it is to not be a jerk.
Like, I am trying to be a nicer dude in general, cuz I'm sarcastic and negative too much. And so, once way earlier in the year, I emailed a few online blog editor/writers I like and just tell them "Hey, I like what you write! Thank you!"
I'm not a writer or anything looking for a freelance leg-up, and I don't do any kind of anything that anyone is ever going to write about or I'd need good PR - I'm just a guy that works a job, a total consumer - and it just feels so weird to write nice things to strangers for no reason at all.
I think sometimes maybe it's extra-weird because I'm a dude and some of the people I want to be like "Hey! I think you are awesome!" to are ladies who are strangers, and there's a whole thing there & I totally get why that would maybe make them uncomfortable, and that's kind of a bummer, but I get it (haha editors of this weblog you two would have gotten letters last week if I wasn't always terrified of seeming like a weirdo for this reason) but even with like, other dudes whos writing I really enjoy, it's the same thing.
Why is it so weird for adults to send other adults fan letters? I feel like if I did a creative thing, there is nothing I would like more than some person saying "Hey, I liked that thing you did. Specifically the part about the otters (or whatever, it isn't always about otters.)"....and yet, it feels so alien to write, it might end up feeling creepy or like "What does this person want?"
Ugh, I'm not a hippie or anything (I don't like hippies, I enjoy being jaded and making jokes and making fun of things) but it's such a total bummer that most negativity isn't just in jest but is for real straight up negative-ness and greedy and shittiness and that being mean is just so much easier than being nice.
@Miss Maszkerádi your comments made me think that the really radical profile wold be one where the writer talks unapologetically about how awesome she is, and presents embarrassing info like "I think a lot about: what if I was an Avenger" neutrally, or spin it positively.
This piece resonates weirdly with me today because I've been doing a lot of thinking lately about how people (particularly female people, but hardly excluding those of other persuasions) tend to act in my field. I'm in the arts and it's practically de rigeur for all of us to talk at every possible opportunity about how bad we are at it and how unsatisfied we were with our last show and everything. I know a lot of people who are very, very good at what they do, but I'm not sure I've really ever heard anyone describe their own work as anything better than "slightly less bad than usual." Are we trying to avoid accusations of arrogance, or maybe subconsciously pre-empting judgement (from a raging-capitalist society that thinks of us as parasites) by denigrating ourselves first?
And here's someone's "radical honesty" resulting in a lot of "I'm nothing special or interesting, nothing to see here, don't worry I don't think I'm special." (Kind of reminded me a tiny little bit of the infamous "I'm too dumb to read the Economist" piece from the other week.) Is that really radical? Or honest? "Radical honesty" coming from me, for example, could either end up as "I often take ridiculously long in the bathroom because my mind wanders off as I sit crapping and I lose track of time" or as "Sometimes I'm so completely overwhelmed with love for life that I wish the entire world would turn into an overripe peach that I could devour, syrupy juice covering my body." Both are completely true, both are rather embarrassing to write. The second one, though, is the "crazy" one, the eyerolling "look who thinks she's a poet har har" one, the one that's very gauche and tacky to put one's name too because REALLY now. Talking oneself down and making oneself appear sort of bland and world-weary regardless of the actual contents of one's mind or soul is the socially mandated variant, it sometimes seems to me....and isn't radicalism usually the uncomfortable path?
Interestingly, I almost just apologized for writing such a long and/or personal comment. "Lol, sorry for the novel, just rambling on here, ignore me and my silly attempts at "Deep Thinking" har har har no seriously I'm just a normal dummy, don't worry."
Radical honesty is certainly a concept worth thinking upon.
@queenofbithynia Oh dear, I love self-deprecation and intelligently displayed low-self esteem. But I didn't much of that coming through in this- just a confessional list.
The content was not bothersome so much as the way it was presented. My point was that human touches, such as laughing at ourselves or speaking in hyperbole say just as much as who we are as lists of what we've done and what we like are. Although, to be fair, I've always loathed lists of "what I like" as a means of presenting "who I am." At best it's a shorthand. At worst its meaningless.
One of my favorite OKCupid profiles ever belonged to a friend of mine who sort of gave up and decided to just posted his D&D character sheet. It said very little in terms of the particulars of his life but it rather clearly got across who he is- a nerd with a good sense of humor who can have a laugh at himself.
@I'm a loner Dottie If you aren't meant to describe yourself in great detail in a personal ad, or if you're meant to do that without giving any indication that you are interesting or that you find yourself interesting, I don't think I understand the point of them at all. But what I do find funny is that this reads like all the other personal ads I used to read, male and female -- the writers of whom were presumably not engaging in an experimental honesty project -- back when I was on OKCupid, right down to the "obsessive" (naturally) listening-to of music. Never even mind the avocado and quinoa business.
so either everyone is a radical truth-teller or her insides are a lot like other people's outsides. Whichever. I would like to believe that everyone who claims to read Herman Hesse is lying for some mysterious purpose but I guess that can't be the explanation here.
The business about feeling a(n apparently non-trans-identifying) man or alien in a woman's body = completely average woman in every excruciatingly gendered way possible. How can someone so full of reflection not know that? But perhaps she does know that.
But all in all and taken as a package, I liked it. and the idea that other people do not find self-deprecation or intelligently displayed low self-esteem amusing and engaging is so far beyond me that I must be some kind of alien in a woman's body. As is apparently the thing to say.
Oh brother. Sorry, but this whole thing reads like the perfect explanation of why our generation is always being called self involved and narcissistic. Like a real life character on Girls.
i can't help but find this project extremely irritating and not at all thought provoking. We all have flaws, and we're dishonest about them as we're trying to lure significant others, I get it. We're also all to some degree unhappy. In fact, much of her profile writings I can relate to. But Jessica, it seems to me you're unhappy because you're so extremely self-involved. Maybe you should get a dog?
"It's a perfect storm of technology and hormones," says lawyer Lori Andrews, director of the Institute for Science, Law and Technology in Chicago. "Teen sexting is all a way of magnifying girls' fantasies of being a star of their own movies, and boys locked in a room bragging about sexual conquest."
No. No no no no no. Do NOT conflate boys taking pictures of themselves sexually assaulting a teenage girl and people passing those pictures around with "teen sexting." Do not say it's a "storm of technology and hormones", thereby disappearing the actual perpetrators making deliberate choices to assault and photograph someone and disseminate those photos. This phenomenon has absolutely nothing to do with teen girls wanting to star in their own movies, and to say it does is victim-blaming bullshit. This is part of the problem. It is not about sex, it is not about hormones or easy access to technology - it is about rape and rape culture. There is a reason the boys who assault these girls and the people who pass the photos around don't believe what they are doing is wrong, and it ain't hormones.
By wee_ramekin on Boy-Crazy But Curious, Dating While Disabled, and Introducing Parents to Your "New Norm"
@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose
So, what you're trying to say is....