SO LONG, AND THANKS FOR ALL THE FISH
@frigwiggin WINTER IS COMING.
aaaannnnnddd. . . .now we have come full circle, as the original post was about a two-faced sponge.
@jule_b_sorry (my real-life answer to this is, "I'm not in charge of the garbage, why ask me?" It's not rocket science to see when the trash is full, and to take it out if you're also a member of that household. No one is ever going to say, "Oh, thanks for asking! Actually, I'm saving that garbage for later.")
The advice to #2 is terrible!
I'm all for honesty in dating, but saying "Listen, what are you looking for? I'm looking for something SERIOUS" is going to really scare people. Mostly, people want to have FUN, and get to know each other in a pressure-free environment. Getting serious just happens naturally when people really like each other.
Telling someone you want a SERIOUS relationship so early piles on the pressure and takes all the fun out of it.
LW 2: I've been there. You don't want to get hurt or disappointed. Unfortunately, you can't predict if that's going to happen. Just try to relax and enjoy yourself, and lower the stakes. If the next relationship doesn't work out, it's ok! You can handle it. No big deal. You're not doing anything wrong. And you are eventually going to meet the right guy.
@carolita I like carolita's response the best out of this whole thread. Sexual attraction is weird! All long term relationships go through phases of grrater/lesser sexytime attractions. How you deal with and get through the hard times says more about your relationship than the amount of hard times you have. What's sexy to me is knowing that my husband thinks of me as a priority, and has a desire to be attractive to me. It seems like the problem in this marriage isn't that her husband is fat, it's that he is blatantly deprioritizing being sexy to his wife. And she, in turn, seems like she is using her own weight successes as fodder for being cranky. In situations like this, the crankyness and bitterness and stress-behaviors just build and build in a vicious cycle. Lets ignore the fat trolling and health trolling and focus on what's actually going on: bad communication and a lack of following the golden rule.
@Blushingflwr And of course I have comments on social nudity too!
So, in my experience most dudes are way more interested in their own penises than anyone else is.
But also - I spend a fairly large amount of time around other naked people, sometimes they are doing sexy things, sometimes they are just being naked. And while I have very little voyeuristic tendencies and am thus not a representative sample, my experience is that when people are naked together, any appraising of bodies that happens is quiet and subtle and not talked about. Most people recognize that hanging out au naturel takes a certain amount of gumption. If your friends are making assumptions about your sex life because they got a brief glimpse of your partner's penis, who cares? The ones who know the truth will know the truth, the ones who make assumptions will just be wrong. Sometimes people are wrong about things. I know it's frustrating, but you can't let the possibility that someone might possibly think something untrue about your sex life stop you from having fun. My mantra for situations like this, where I fear judgement, is "haters gonna hate."
LW1, a thought experiment for you: imagine you are the girlfriend of the guy, writing in to A Dude to say that you've found out your boyfriend made a drunken pass at the female friend who he's known for 8 years now, and who he has had an intense, hot makeout session with in the past. What advice do you think you'd get here, and how do you think you'd feel?
If you were responding to that letter, what advice would you give the writer?
I'm asking because what's to say that wouldn't be you in a year's time if you get together with this guy? If you got together that way, what indication do you have that he wouldn't drunkenly cheat on you with his other female friends, the way he's trying to cheat on his current girlfriend? Would you end up watching all his other female friends nervously? I see nothing in your letter that gives me a sense that this guy has any likeable qualities - he's certainly not doing well at being faithful or loyal to his girlfriend, or respecting the friendship he and you have built up over 8 years. If you tend to shy away from commitment, when you do finally decide to commit to a relationship, wouldn't it be better to commit to someone who has a better track record with women (girlfriends and female friends) than this?