I had a good Moment Between Women on the subway this morning:
I jumped onto the train right before the doors closed and a girl about my age told me she liked my bracelet, which is sort of a metal link number with small daisies affixed between every link. I told her "Thanks!" and added that I had accidentally broken off some of the delicate metal petals in my haste to put it on this morning. (I tried to squeeze it over my giant hand instead of opening the clasp. LEARN FROM ME, LADIES.)
Then a stately older woman who happened to be standing next to us looked down at my wrist and said, "It really is a lovely bracelet."
I thanked her and added, "I wish I hadn't destroyed it."
And she said:
"Lots of flowers are missing petals."
THE PERFECT THING TO SAY. What a graceful lady.
As for me, these days, I read only Bustle.
@likethestore You could come back every other week on Fridays. Just, you know, for a visit ....
oh god i am so excited for people to read this and also filled with shame (hi guys! miss you!)
By Paul Reid Johnson Calderon@facebook on "Status Update: I'm Sober": An Interview with Paul Johnson Calderon
Thank you ALL so much for your love & support. I just got so tired of being THE HOTTEST MESS & hurting myself and those in the wake of my self-destruction. It feels good to be on the other side of all of that now. Thank you for giving my sobriety a voice, Melissa.
Much love, Paul
By City_Dater on Interview with Filmmaker Izzy Chan: "Have we adjusted our expectations of what a man needs to bring to the table?"
This notion that "Men have different ideas and women need to relax their expectations" is horrible. I suspect a woman who was home all day would have a hard time explaining to her working husband that the house was a mess and devoid of food when he got home from work because she just didn't get to any of that stuff all day.
When is it ever going to be okay for women to not spend all their time tippy toeing around male ego bullshit?
By Bookgerm on Interview with Filmmaker Izzy Chan: "Have we adjusted our expectations of what a man needs to bring to the table?"
I’d say, consider that this might happen to you. Think consciously about what you consider an equal partnership. Do you define a date-worthy guy as someone who is as well-educated as you, or more? Someone who makes as much money as you or more? Would you be open to supporting someone? Would you have trouble respecting your partner in that situation?
This is powerful. Even on the Hairpin I've noticed (our almost entirely female) commenters taking for granted that it's acceptable to reject a (prospective or current) romantic partner for having poor job prospects--which is a reasonable attitude to have for a lot of reasons, but also very gendered. (Look at old "Ask a" columns.) Straight men tend to take for granted that they may have to support their partners. For many women this is a dealbreaker. I have a hard time imagining life as a breadwinner, and I'm a professional with a good income who believes that husbands should share equally in the housework. It's a hard thing to look in the face, and just another example of how hard it is for attitudes to truly change.
I have auditioned for Jeopardy--as I recall we got to write down our UNIQUE FUN FACTS in advance, which is a lot easier than generating them on the spot. I will never know if my UFFs were not U or F enough, or if I did not do well enough on the written test at the audition. But just having auditioned is a fun story to tell.
Wait... you seriously don't understand how the patriarchy hurts men? I cannot believe I'm reading this on The Hairpin.
I'm not here to defend Hugo Schwyzer - far from it. I just cannot believe the whole tone of the section about how he's sensitive. That exact conversation within this post, shaming him for being sensitive to the horrible tone of the internet, is the way in which the patriarchy hurts men. The patriarchy shames everyone for being sensitive. It's seen as feminine, and men are attacked any time they exhibit feminine traits. This isn't to say that they like... deserve any special consideration about it. But rigid gender norms hurt all, because they prevent all people from expressing their authentic identities in safety.
There are TONS of grounds on which to discuss all of the ways in which Schwyzer's position and privileges are hurtful to feminist spaces and feminist projects -- and you guys cover a lot of those in this post. But I am shocked to read this really hurtful interlude in the middle. Hairpin writers should have a better grasp on the complexity of patriarchy and gender norms than this.
So it sounds like I should watch Bunheads.