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On Ask a Lady, Special Edition: The Repercussions of Sexual Abuse

I just really don't think this needs to be about getting his lady into therapy. For all we know she has spent years dealing with the psychological implications of her sexual proclivities and the way they relate to her abuse. What this is about is his secondary trauma after her revelation. I do not in any way believe the LW should have to participate in sex acts he is not comfortable participating in because he is dealing with trauma but it is HIS trauma he wrote in about not hers. Does this mean he should seek therapy, maybe have his girlfriend do a couple of sessions with him down the road? Absolutely. But I do not think that we should immediately assume that the abuse survivor has to go back into therapy because this issue is allherfault or that the current problems with their sexual dynamic is all on her to solve. She has probably already dealt with her abusive past, now HE needs to deal with it, too. Ultimately the LW can't force his girlfriend to go to therapy, but he can go into therapy himself and talk to his girlfriend about doing a couple of joint sessions and if that helps maybe think about couples therapy.

Posted on May 31, 2011 at 6:24 pm 5

On Ask a Lady, Special Edition: The Repercussions of Sexual Abuse

@H@twitter Yes! This! I was sexually abused between the ages of 4 and 13 by a cousin and sometimes his friends. I watch a lot of hentai, particularly featuring pre-pubescent characters, often involving rape, sometimes very similar to my own abuse. I have never ever felt like it was reliving abuse, nor has it ever been painful for me to watch. Taking control of the things that were done to you, experiencing them from a position of choice and power can be incredibly comforting and can go a long way in regards to dealing with the guilt and shame that comes with the territory.

Posted on May 31, 2011 at 2:06 pm 3

On Kissing, Facial Hair, and Secret Lesbian Techniques

Aw man, bearded lady you are the best! My bff has a good solid 'stache and has had since highschool and it has never stopped people of either gender hitting on her. She otherwise likes fancy vintage suits and bright shirts so a beard does not have to imply not giving a shit about your appearance. I haven't seen you and I already know you're hot!

Posted on May 24, 2011 at 1:19 pm 1

On Ask a Clean Person: Toilets, Ovens, and the Importance of Rubber Gloves

I also clean the toilets once a week! This is the first time reading Ask A Clean Person where I haven't been horribly ashamed of myself and driven to scour everything in sight. Cleaning the toilets has been on my list of chores since as far back as I remember (five brothers, urine everywhere) and I think I am now immune to disgust.

Posted on May 12, 2011 at 1:56 pm 0

On The Glowy-Skin Makeup Tutorial: Primer, Foundation, Blush, and Bronzer

@elysian fields I have a sheer bronzer that I use kind of like a finishing tinted moisturiser. I just spread a pea sized amount all over my face after foundation and before I powder, starting with my cheeks because I turn a sickly gray in winter. I use Neutrogena Healthy Glow Sheers. They cost like $11 at Duane Reade.

Posted on May 10, 2011 at 11:27 am 0

On What Your American Girl Doll Says About the Rest of Your Life

I didn't grow up in America but found a Samantha book in a rummage sale once. I remember her wanting to earn money for something using a boy scout craft book or something and her grandma being all "Ladies do not work!" I didn't know they were dolls until I moved to New York and that was the first step to America ruining my childhood.

Posted on May 10, 2011 at 11:19 am 0

On The Glowy-Skin Makeup Tutorial: Primer, Foundation, Blush, and Bronzer

I love this look but I don't think brown people can wear blush. I have tried and tried but I don't think it is possible to emulate a healthy flush when you're north Indian and don't flush. Does anyone have any idea how to do this without looking like I am painting myself up like a clown?

Posted on May 9, 2011 at 3:03 pm 0