@itiresias I hadn't even heard of her until I read this, although I wasn't following the case as closely as I could have been. Is the way the New Yorker piece portrays her an unfair characterization? She really does come off like a caricature of myopic self-righteous hypocrisy.
@Miss Maszkerádi I am embarrassed to admit that I tried to *make* myself have the Big Rom-Com Realization with a guy friend, because I knew he was interested and I thought (at the ripe age of 24) that my lack of a love life was the result of my being "too picky", so clearly I should stop being a demanding bitch and just settle for this nice young man who might be a little bland, yes, but had nothing objectively wrong with him. This was a very dumb decision and I got the ultimate cosmic comeuppance when it turned out that his blandness was actually a carefully-cultivated front for a terrifying streak of lying self-loathing self-involved bullshit asshattery that ran deeper and darker than the fucking Marianas Trench. Served me right, obviously, but the moral of this story is if you don't feel it, you don't feel it, and fuck Hollywood for making us believe otherwise.
@RoyRogersMcFreely This comment is fascinating to me because I feel like bad sexual decision regrets (and I have certainly made my share of bad sex choices!) are INCREDIBLY easy to just forget about, as opposed to, say stupid-comment-at-a-cocktail-party regrets. (Those, I will kick myself about for an actual decade.) I think it probably depends on how you personally experience sex, like if it's a very high-stakes thing for you, then maybe you feel worse when you don't choose wisely? Of course you don't know how you experience sex until you've had it, I guess. All of which is a long-winded way of saying that LW can hopefully gauge for herself whether she's a casual hooker-upper or whether the physical act of love is a very big deal to her (not just sex, but sexy things in general), and plan accordingly.
@Onymous I guess my point is, where do you (not you personally, the universal you) get off condemning anyone? Especially on something that's so arbitrary and subject to personal taste as how money is spent? It's like loathing someone based on their preferred sexual position or the contents of their bookshelf. I can see avoiding a close personal relationship with someone on that basis, even disliking them as a matter of incompatible values, but it's a big leap to claim that spending your money on x makes you a universal jerk. (Unless x is something like child prostitutes, obviously.)
@tales Could not disagree more. Leaving aside how totally unnecessary it is to have a "good metric" for judging (you do know that you don't have to judge people, right? really! it's not required!), who then determines what makes someone else's expenditures worthy of condemnation? Whose value system and personal taste becomes the stick by which everyone else's actions are measured? I mean, I personally think it's frivolous and bizarre to spend money on a weekly pedicure; that's why I don't do it, personally. But I'd never presume to tell my friends that their doing so is "fraught and problematic, but defensible". They don't have to defend their spending, and certainly not to me.
@LaLoba Dude. I'm sorry you hated house-cleaning; clearly it was a bad fit for you. But the idea that the demand for a service shouldn't exist just because you personally don't like performing it? That is bizarre.
@When robot unicorns attack You say "I think this is going to kill what we have" -- what do you have? Maybe I'm just jaded and/or reading into it too much, but seems like you'd have more to say about a really awesome relationship-in-the-making than "He's a nice dude".
@karion I had similar feelings about keeping a clean house as a mark of successful adulthood, and a lot of guilt surrounding the sense that I should be able to do it and what was wrong with me that I couldn't. But having the financial resources to -pay- someone to clean your house is also a mark of successful adulthood, isn't it? I think it says some interesting/strange things about our culture that it's "okay" to derive a sense of satisfaction and personal responsibility from the former but not the latter.
@SarahP Yes! Also, I really hate the assumption that the sex you do or don't have before you get married has anything to do with happiness in a long-term relationship. For every person who says you HAVE to sleep around before settling down, there's some screeching jackass on the other end of the spectrum who claims that sleeping with too many people will ruin your sex life with your eventual spouse.
@cheerybeggar I would like to add to this thread the story about the time when I drove 3 hours to visit my boyfriend at his college. He had sex with me, broke up with me while I was still naked, and then I had to drive the 3 hours home. Crying. In the rain. With sticky underwear.
I would have much preferred an over-the-phone breakup before I got there. Or, you know, death.