On Wednesday Open Thread

IDK two other PIs have told him to GTFO. He's had to change gears and even had to change programs finally. Basically, my husband's lab got piggy-backed onto the center-director's funding so they got their extra lab space, people etc. until the PI could be funded with his own lab. For some ungodly reason, this guy is the department chair's project (I won't say pet. Everyone hates him) so it's everyone's goal to get him graduated.

The politics are such: the current center director would like to focus on some outside projects and is actively looking for someone to "take the reigns" within the next five years. There are basically 2 competitors, and everyone is trying to get as much stuff published and funded as possible since the director puts a lot of weight on outcomes and not a lot of emphasis on a smooth-running lab.

It's not a bad research facility. It's definitely one of the best in the region. I hear they're like 12 in the country among public schools. IDK what the deal is. I would hate to be the PI that has to write a reference letter for that person.

@eggplant hahaha I have had ALL of those conversations. It's amazing. When I worked part time I would always bring him lunch. People would stop to talk to him and I would kind of joke/not joke "Sorry, you get him the other 23.5 hours today, I get him now. See you!"
That only works because I am very visible in the lab. I have given presentations at lab meeting about talking to little kids, using Prezi etc. I also make cupcakes for everyone's birthdays and babysit the PIs kids when they can't go to daycare. Everyone recognizes the insanity that is my husband's work life and they usually are very understanding when I'm finally like "Nope. Sorry"

Funny story: My husband is presenting at a huge conference with lots of exciting data (everything he is working on now) THREE DAYS before my due date. I told his PI he could have him then, but then he gets to take a whole month of paternity leave. (We have a running joke about all employment negotiations going through me)
Now we always say "bye honey, I'll see you in March"

Posted on November 28, 2013 at 7:30 pm 1

On Wednesday Open Thread

@Harriet Welch
This particular grad student (the worst one EVER!) is on his third lab. It's the department head's mission to get him graduated, so there is a lot of pressure on the PI to do that.
The PI routinely has "come to Jesus" meetings and lab cleanliness/don't fuck the lab manager talks. This guy just does.not.fucking.care. He will be alright for a couple of days, then he comes back with a vengeance.
To add insult to injury, he likes to tell new people and underlings that certain things don't really need to be done (namely, the things that my husband says do need to get done). He is a super privileged person and he has never had a job with a boss that could fire him. He does not acknowledge the role of the "lab manager". He says that person is just in charge of ordering. He also just thinks that rules don't apply to him.
The PI, while AMAZING, is very new at being a PI and is a new lab.They have only been up and running for a few years and, because he got shafted with the dregs of society to start with, the lab has not graduated as many people as the PI would have liked. AND while having a ton of science kind of stuff on his plate, he also has a very...erm...interesting family development. I.E. his family imploded and he made a new family and now has 4 kids under the age of three.

IDK. It seems like science is a bizarro land where you basically can't get fired.

Posted on November 28, 2013 at 5:44 pm 0

On Wednesday Open Thread

You hit the nail on the head! His boss has an R01 in the works. They are busting ass to get the worst jerk-face published so he can GTFO (which will make the world a better place) and they had a veritable fuck-ton of submissions and grant proposals going out. Some of their projects are actually getting some really interesting stuff, and there's a conference in February that they need to submit to present at.
My husband is a tech/lab manager/still has his own projects. He does flow-cytometry and is basically the only person on campus who can/will do it. It makes him a busy person. Luckily, his PI is AMAZING and is always actively trying to find ways to make our lives easier. He joked/not joked that as a baby present he's getting my husband an assistant.

I am with you on the laying down of the law! I have urged him many times to set firmer boundaries. The problem is, he comes up with these systems that he thinks will "force" people into sucking less. Turns out, people who suck just don't follow the system anyway. Although, one genius thing he did, was fix a machine to not give the user access to their data without filling out the use log :) that way he was able to track down the people who routinely left the place a mess or who didn't refill tubes or ring and whatever. They still screw it up, but at least he can bitch at them personally AND the use log gets filled out. He doesn't do conflict well, so he's working on passive ways to force compliance.

and adorable-eggplant

Thank you so much. It's so weird how the internet can make me feel better and awkward introvert internet hugs are the best.
I try super-duper hard to not bitch about my husband to my real-life people. They are wonderful, but they tend to be more emotionally involved and they get upset at him. THAT is not the goal. I am not upset at my husband. I am upset at the damn dog for making messes and my stupid house that doesn't clean itself.

Also, did I mention that I am pregnant, so weird crying is kinda just a regular day for me...

In happy news: The cider wasn't cutting it, so I took ya'll advice and threw some random shit on the stove. Lemon juice, vanilla, cinnamon and an apple that was a bit past the eating stage. I also turned the heater to 75 and put on some Hulu. I got the dog mess cleaned up and now I am feeling much better about my life.

Posted on November 28, 2013 at 4:59 pm 1

On Wednesday Open Thread

@Harriet Welch
I'm glad to hear it's not just the weird, slack-tastic jerk-faces he works with (they are notoriously 4 hours late, call him on Sunday to ask where he is, don't fill out paperwork, leave giant messes...).
He loves his job too. I usually love his job for him because he finds it stimulating and rewarding. Plus, he's doing big, important work. I can passionately justify his absence from home given the circumstances.
Today, however, the dog dumped a pound of sugar on the floor and shredded two sticks of butter all over the house. I calmly told my husband I would take care of it, dropped him off to do science, then came home and cried.
What kind of il and spices can I boil to make it look like scar-face and Paula Deen have not thrown a party in my living room?

Posted on November 28, 2013 at 3:34 pm 0

On Wednesday Open Thread

Are there any scientists here? Why the hell are all of the scientists working all of a sudden?
My husband is a scientist, but he also performs an essential support function for the research his lab does. So, everyone is basically cramming and he has not been home before 10pm any day in the last two weeks and there have been at least three times where he didn't get home before 4am.

I am 6.5 months pregnant and on "modified duty" due to pulling a muscle in my abdomen. I can't bend, lift or do basically anything. So our house is a mess, we're hosting Thanksgiving (Saturday, thankfully), and I am struggling with not really being able to clean or prep much and my poor, dear husband is exhausted and also feeling guilty about not being around to help.

I am also struggling with not being able to add all of the whiskey to the crock-pot of cider I have going (which is cooking in order to cover up the fact that I will be unable to clean my smelly carpet). THAT would motivate me to spend the next three days doing about an hour's worth of house work.

Posted on November 27, 2013 at 8:28 pm 1

On Wednesday Open Thread


Amazing!! I teach preschool and whenever we give kids a vegetable with ranch for snack, they always just suck the ranch off of the vegetables.

Fuck the gender-norm enforcing daycare! That is the worst. One of the things I LOVE about the place I work is how militantly we oppose it. You probably couldn't walk the halls without hearing someone say "There are no boy_____ or girl ______ there are just _______" (colors/toys/hairstyles/dressup costumes).
It's normal for kids to do it, but it sucks that your school is reinforcing it.

Posted on November 27, 2013 at 8:18 pm 2

On Wednesday Open Thread

@emsiela I call bullshit on the "I love you more every day". Sure, some people feel that way, but I think it's a little cliche and people don't really feel that way.
There are days where I do NOT love my husband more than I loved him the day before. Any time someone says this I think of the two days in my marriage that disprove this to me. One day, my wonderful husband snuck out of bed, turned the heater up obscenely high so I would be warm, left the house and came home with coffee, bagels and flowers. The next day, we got in some dumb fight in the car and I made him pull over so I could get out and he left me on the side of the road.
I 100% did not love the husband who left me on the side of the road more than the one who turned the heater up to lure me out of bed. I think waxing and waning is the normal state of things and is fine and healthy.

The second thing, abut the "fireworks all the time"- I also can't stand that. I had a very passionate relationship with a dirt-bag. It was very fireworks all the time-y. It SUCKED it was unhealthy and stupid. I knew I was in love with my husband when on Day 10 of knowing each other, we sat on the couch eating pasta and watching Netflix and there was a warm, nice content feeling. No fireworks. We got engaged 3 days later and then married 4 months after that. People assume all the time there must have been some kind of love-at-first-sight, fireworks kind of situation. Not so, it was more that we felt so comfortable and happy we just couldn't imagine wanting to go through the drama and rigamarole of dating when we liked just being us.

Don't let weird hallmark cliches turn you off of marrying someone you want to marry.

Posted on November 27, 2013 at 8:10 pm 3

On Wednesday Open Thread

@coolallison IN-LAWS ARE THE WORST!
One of the reasons my family elected to move Thanksgiving to Saturday is so that I wouldn't be forced to suffer the extreme discomfort of hosting my mentally ill MIL with my family. She does a good job of ruining everything.
I usually get through dealing with her with lots and lots of whiskey.
I joked (/not joked) that I was going to avoid her at all costs while pregnant, since I can't use my usual coping mechanism. My husband did not think it was very funny. (Even though he makes MUCH meaner jokes, and spearheaded the campaign to keep holidays separate from his mom).

Good luck!

Posted on November 27, 2013 at 8:01 pm 0

On Wednesday Open Thread

@granny squares
I am currently making some crockpot mulled cider (booze on the side). This is to make my house smell good so that I actually give a fuck about cleaning and food prep.
I'm hosting my first Thanksgiving (parents sold the homestead, so now I have the biggest house). It would be fun, except that I am pregnant so I can't get shit-canned on spiked cider and then dance to the hits of the 90's while I do the domestic.

Posted on November 27, 2013 at 7:53 pm 0

On Friday Open Thread

@honey cowl


I live in Gainesville, Florida (home of UF). Tebows are a dime a dozen on halloween, but sexy Tim Tebow I have not actually seen.

Posted on October 26, 2013 at 4:27 pm 0