On I'll Have What That Character's Having: Foods We Want to Try
@scully I had that pizza in Naples! Didn't realize it was the pizzeria from the book till I saw the photos of Julia Roberts eating it on the wall. Honestly, I thought Di Fara's in Brooklyn was better but that might be because I had to wait in Di Fara's for two hours before I got the pizza. Anyway, the pizza in Naples was still pretty great - the crust was divine.
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On Helping the Heartbroken and Asking for Things
Journalism lady: have you tried the Internet Archive Wayback Machine? http://wayback.archive.org/web/ If you know the website name and approximate date your article was on it, you might be able to recover it.
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On Revenge Tips, Infertility, and the Lumpy Lumberjack
@thefingersofgod I tried to do mail my ex's key but I used a cheap-ass envelope that only had glue on some sections of the flap, and somewhere along the way the key slipped out through one of the non-glued sections. So then I got a confused email that was like, Um, hey, why did you send me an empty envelope?
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On Lady-Comp: How I Quit Hormones
@madamvonsassypants Um, maybe your tilted uterus is tilted in a particularly non-IUD-having way, but my titled uterus handles it just fine. Though they had to straighten it out briefly during insertion which hurt like crazy, I'd still say it's worth it.
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On What It's Like to Get a Biopsy
@parallel-lines Yes, IUD insertion pain came as a huge shock - they kept saying it would be "quick and easy" and somehow my brain inserted "and painless". Not so. Awful pain during and I threw up in the doctor's office afterward. Apparently it's called a vasovagal response? Jane's description of it as stomach clenching plus nausea was spot-on. It would've been easier to be stoic if I wasn't taken by surprise.
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On Living With Breasts That Can Be Seen From Orbit
@femwanderluster YES - 32F and thanks to Enell suddenly I could run again for the first time since hitting puberty. It's not a pretty bra by any means but it's so worth it!
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On A Letter to the "Secret" Masturbator
@fairlyalarmed A guy cornered me in a bookstore and took out his junk when I was a kid and I loudly announced to the store at large, "Mom, this man is showing me his penis!" The guy ran out of the store; the store owner gave me a free copy of The Velveteen Rabbit. And for the next n years I thought that every guy on the street was looking at me with the intent to molest. Still, though, I'd be in favor of doing a similar thing as an adult: e.g. announcing "Hey bartender, this guy is masturbating in public!"
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On A Letter to the "Secret" Masturbator
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On The Best Time I Made a Celebrity Think I Was a Moron
I got a book signed by David Sedaris right before he went on stage and he asked me about my name, which is unusual. When I told him it was Dutch and that my mom is Dutch, he asked about the date of Sinterklaas (Dutch Christmas) for a new story he was debuting that night. I told him Dec. 6th, which is why David Sedaris went on stage and told 500+ people the wrong date for Sinterklaas. I've never told my mother this story.