This was fantastic! I am reminded a quote -- maybe apocrophyl, I hope not, I love it so -- from Dolly Parton, who, when asked "are those really your breasts?" answered "Of course they are, I paid for them!"
My parents broke up when I was about two and a half years old. Recently, one of my best friends and his wife broke up less than a year after they had a baby, and when I told my parents (both of whom know him pretty well) they were not shocked as I anticipated but both basically said "Oh, right after the baby came, yeah, that'll happen." I had to sort of laugh. It's like, all those books they gave me about how divorce isn't a kid's fault were LIES.
This was really amazing. One question I had is whether the wedding ceremony you describe was actually legal under New York law, i.e., did you actually fill out any paperwork with Westerchester County or whatever? Usually there's at least a 24-hour waiting period between getting the license and solemnizing the marriage, plus at least one half of the couple has to go down to City Hall or its equivalent to get the license, and it sounded like you didn't have any of that. If it wasn't, why did you chose to go through the hoops of getting a church divorce?
I had a friend in college who was a second generation and who was also an uberhipster (I knew him because he worked with me on the school paper's arts supplement). When pressed he would say that he didn't believe in the church's theology but that "in 500 years it won't seen weirder than any other religion." He would joke about it in passing (at one point when we were trying to come up with revenue streams for the always-strapped newspaper, he joking suggested selling flowers at the airport, then said "But we've been muscled out of that turf by other cults now") but would get kind of protective of his family and community when other people questioned it.
He was married in a mass ceremony in Korea between his sophmore and junior year of college, and it didn't go well, at least at first. Last I saw him before I left, he had told his wife he wanted a divorce, but I found out a few years later that they were still together.
@ReginalTSquirge@twitter Sweet, sweet pageview-generating tears.
Great article, but I feel a need to re-emphasize how PROFOUNDLY creepy she was in Miracle on 34th Street. I mean, she's supposed to be creepy and off-putting, and she nails it perfectly. Orson Welles knew of what he spoke. The Dakota Fanning reference is spot on, as we all remember how creepy she was as an eerie adult-child early in her career.
@Alice Prin But why won't the LADIES speak up? We are all equal, etc.!
(Also I have been married for like six years now so this is NO LONGER MY PROBLEM, thank the gods. Though we didn't have our first kiss until our seventh date, so you can see what I was working with.)
IF A DUDE LIKES YOU HE WILL NOT NECESSARILY DO OR SAY ANYTHING THOUGH
At least in my experience as a dude who has liked several friend-ladies about which he did and said nothing because, SHYNESS/ANXIETY.
[cue "the more you know" graphic/music]
I have HPV! On my FEET. Because I have plantar's warts. Because if you have a wart anywhere on your body, you have HPV! What I'm trying to say is that maybe doctors should come up with a more specific name for the kind that freaks everyone out than "the bad kind."
Can someone help a brother out and explain the scissors one? Is it an underwear thing?