@timesnewroman I know. Total twoon (Twitter swoon).
Love the Country Girls. I must read it again now I'm actually living in Ireland. My graduate books were The Golden Notebook and The Edible Woman.
@Jolie Kerr What vitriol? I didn't see any of that.
@Jolie Kerr the good news is, your floor is probably spotless so lying down on it is ok.
I hate young children and all but I really feel that if you must have child houseguests as an unchilded person, these are the kind you want to have. They leave and you get to turn to your husband and say, thank god we don't have any of these little bastards, right? and then you feel really good about looking at your life and looking at your choices.
I'll talk to anybody regardless of age, I do not discriminate, but you know that particular quality of silence you get when you ask someone what good books they've been reading, and they're all like, "none as yet, I am a toddler"? Awkward and, I think, frankly rude. there is a time and place for polite social lies. please, people, teach your infant to scan the NYTRB or something so that they can at least recycle other people's literary opinions at cocktail parties, because I cannot carry this whole conversation all by myself, ok? ok???
@paddlepickle I think I have some relevant perspective for LW1... I remember being married and sometimes being annoyed with or not relating to single friends (more on that in a second). But now I am single, and it has been a while and I met my ex young, so basically I find my own dating life FASCINATING and want to talk about it in minute detail CONSTANTLY even though other people might not find it that interesting. And, b/c I'm out of practice, it's not hard for me to get stalky bananas weird about things.
One of my best friends is married and bears the brunt of this. And early on, she put some distance between us, and later sort of came back around and was like, I felt like that was ALL you wanted to talk about and you weren't interested in my life and were just waiting for your chance to talk about this dude (the first post-divorce dude). Which was fair, and she picked the right time to let me know that (though also, sorry, as a very poor recently divorced person hearing all about your perfect marriage and rich husband and future baby making is not my fave thing either, but that's not relevant and also some time has passed and I can deal with those things now and provide her with the support she needs). And where we are now is, she just straight up tells me when I'm being crazy. She's not mean about it but she's very clear when she thinks what I'm doing is not reasonable or healthy and as much as she can she offers anecdotes and advice from her own single past without being condescending about it, and I appreciate that stuff.
Lastly, in re: the not empathizing, and the upthread comments about condescension. This has been my experience: When you're single and you know that eventually you want a partner, there is a creepy existential doubt and fear of being alone foreverrrrr that runs under a lot of things, no matter how well adjusted and optimistic you are. And when you get married even though on an intellectual level you understand that your single friends are looking, you do really forget about that bleak, soul-mouldering doubt and loneliness. Not knowing that when I was married made me quietly judge single friends of mine who would up-end their life for some new romantic partner, and feeling that way now from time to time has guided me to seek support from the friends who I know are best suited to that (which do not include my wealthy friend with the very lovely husband and future baby).
LW 3: bad advice abounds on this topic and you will need a strong sense of confidence to feel all right about disregarding half of what you hear. For example: if you want to have sex (you: "I want to have sex") don't let anybody lecture you about how sex isn't really that big a deal and doesn't matter if you have it or not. If you want to do it, it does matter.
It was a long while ago for me but I'll never forget the immense sense of relief that came from knowing that I was now free to go about the rest of my life's business forever liberated from the fear of dying a virgin. Completely irrespective of how good or bad the particular experience is on a physical level, that's not nothing. If that's a neurosis that plagues you it is absolutely a good choice to make, and it is a lot easier to go get laid than to go into therapy for few years trying to convince yourself that it doesn't matter if you get laid or not. Faster and cheaper, too.
Also, don't let people tell you that the first time always sucks, with or without "for girls" attached. It might, and that means nothing about what the rest of your sex life will be like, but it absolutely does not have to. Don't let anybody beat you down into low expectations.
Oh man. That was killer.
"Post-feminist," my least favourite phrase in the world.
It just gets worse, every single sentence, and I am so mad. (She seems awesome, I'm going to go reserve all her books at the library.)
For the record, if anyone wants to pull a "Brad Paisley/Accidental Racist" comment and ask people to stop looking for things to get mad about:
I'M NOT TRYING TO FIND THINGS TO BE ANGRY ABOUT
THE THINGS FIND ME
By royaljunk on A Big Book-y Post
(Did anyone else despise The Night Circus? Let's talk about despising The Night Circus.)