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On The Hairpin Halloween Advent Calendar: Halloween Rituals

I actually did show up to school wearing a costume when everyone else was wearing normal clothes. I thought we were allowed to wear costumes the day of Halloween but I forgot that all the families but mine in town were super religious so the school had banned costumes. I was a Jackson Pollack painting so I had found an old white jumpsuit and splattered it with black paint and then painted my face to match. I walked in and looked around and thought, "well, nothing to be done, I'll just hope nobody notices" and then 190 kids all asked me if I was dressed as a cow and I called my mom and she came and picked me up at lunch.

Posted on October 15, 2014 at 11:47 am 2

On True Summer

This is absolutely wonderful. I relate to every single last line. It's beautifully written, and it makes me feel much better about being, like you, sort of a private, slothful, impoverished, imaginative person. I have to go to a family wedding this weekend, and now when all my relatives pointedly ask me if I've found work or what do I DO all day, I will have to tell them I am very hard at work imagining other worlds and creatures and pouring time down the drain like I have an unlimited supply, like I'm Zeus.

Posted on May 29, 2014 at 8:33 pm 1

On How to Live With Your Mother When You're 37, Childless and Unemployed

I'm sorry the girls at the Meetup were bitches but would you really want to be friends with a bunch of people who have opinions about soap anyway? Hi I also live in portland, oregon and I buy the soap that is cheapest and I'm not a bitch. Why don't you come over and drink on my patio and give your mother some "me" time.

Posted on May 16, 2014 at 2:34 pm 0