@Hellion of Troy jerks are timeless, BUT! lots of people - of all genders! - who are jerks in their 20s really do grow out of it. early 20s is an exceptionally jerky time. it's not an excuse for anything, but it does mean that it's harder to weed out the people who are inherently jerky (as @moxycrimefighter says) and people who are just going through a bad phase.
@josefinastrummer Oh, spare me. I wasn't saying the article shouldn't exist. I was expressing sad and frustrated feelings about not being able to do something awesome and discussing what I saw to be a relevant point that i thought was missing from the article based on an experience i know a lot of people don't consider, which is a serious problem for people with chronic illnesses--people don't often consider us, though there are many of us. I wasn't shitty to anybody and I wasn't making anybody feel bad - you went there on your own. but thanks for making me feel unwelcome. I promise I won't make you think yucky thoughts anymore.
@Flora, i work at a nonprofit so sabbaticals are kind of unheard of - they just don't have the money to support me via health insurance, etc., when i'm not there! but it's true that i've never asked. @Megan, i do get vacation days and i do try to take vacations, but with medical bills and expenses i usually can't save up enough to go to exotic places - and honestly when i get those vacations i just want to rest. i certainly don't begrudge others their wild adventures and love living vicariously through y'all, of course. this article just struck me as sort of insensitive to situations where you can't just say "WHO CARES" - and there's LOTS of situations like that out there.
i will never be able to do this because i have a chronic illness and can't simply "not care" about leaving my job. i have to have continuous health insurance for the rest of my life, and that shit costs a lot if you pay for it yourself and actually need to use it regularly. so i hope all you able people enjoy your vacations?
@Veronica Mars is smarter than me i LITERALLY CANNOT have an orgasm if i am standing up. shower foreplay is great but shower sex is frustrating as hell.
@Al Cracka the more i think about this the more i agree!
@Al Cracka i think mostly my response to this letter is basically borne out of that personal observation and feeling extremely personally loath to get involved in ANY WAY in someone's relationship. there are circumstances under which i would totally tell a friend about something like this, so i don't wanna make it sound like i think LW4 should never tell or is bad if she does. i just don't think it's so cut and dry.
@paddlepickle "anyone I consider a really close friend is someone I've talked about sex and relationships with a lot, and I'd have a pretty good idea if whether a friend of mine was likely to have an arrangement like that or not."
yes, i thought this too, until recently! in many cases i suppose it's still true.
@Nutellaface well, you asked what i would be okay with. i wouldn't be okay with that kind of concealment either, but i'm not sexually "conservative," whatever that means. i just don't understand why LW4 blowing up the spot and hurting her friend is okay, but the fiance hurting her isn't? i don't know, maybe i'm being incoherent, but the whole thing just seems really disrespectful of the privacy of their relationship, even if the LW's heart is in the right place. i'm more into the comment Emmanuelle Cunt made earlier in the thread that maybe you need to say something to your friend to protect her in case he really did go out and cheat. but how do we know! we don't!