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On Being "The Straight One," The Basics Of Butt Stuff, And Talking To Your Kids

Agreed. I think this is actually my favorite AAQC column yet--but she knocks it out of the park every time.

Posted on May 21, 2015 at 12:49 am 0

On On Writing In Books

I am a B. My books are not pristine (I love to eat while I read) but the thought of writing in a book pains me for some reason. I don't mind--sometimes even appreciate!--insightful or clearly thoughtful annotations, but 99 percent of the ones I find in my used books are along the lines of "homosexual innuendo?" and "What about Jesus?!?!"

I have a lovely older hardbound edition of Moby Dick that I just had to stop reading because of all the hamfisted commentary in the margins.

I also really hate it when people highlight/underline entire paragraphs, thus completely missing the point of highlighting/underlining.

Posted on May 18, 2015 at 10:02 am 1

On The Best Time I Was The Only Passenger Aboard A Cargo Freighter Container Ship Across the Pacific Ocean

This was just fantastic. Great story and wonderful writing. Thank you! I have a new life goal...

Posted on May 11, 2015 at 12:51 pm 0

On The Ultimate Guide To Wearing A Jumpsuit

Jaya I detest jumpsuits but I will wear one if you promise not to leave us please don't leave us! Unless it's to go write a book or something.

Posted on April 30, 2015 at 9:30 pm 1

On "Boy, Are You.."

I have a Hotmail account that I use whenever dumb websites demand an email address. I haven't actually looked at it in, like, years.

Most of these ring far too true for my comfort, too. FML.

Posted on April 30, 2015 at 9:27 am 0

On A Satisfying End-of-Relationship Goods Exchange In Three Acts

This made me laugh really hard. It might have been tinged with the bitterness of recognition, but it was a good laugh nonetheless.

Good night, Blob!

Posted on April 28, 2015 at 8:34 pm 0

On When You Put A Stripper Pole In Your House

Once I accidentally caught him watching me with a mixture of pride, adoration and pure lust, and then I attempted to handstand-cartwheel out of an inversion and smashed into a bookcase.

I think if I tried pole dancing there would be a lot of smashing into bookcases. But it still sounds fun! I don't think you have to be good at it; just be you at it, and it will be the greatest.

Posted on April 22, 2015 at 9:21 am 0

On Your Liquid Liner Is Crooked, Let Me Fix It For You

@Haley Mlotek Wow, I thought it was like a rule or something that you had to do both! Hmm will try your way.

Smoky eye is some next-level shit though. I don't think I'm ready for that.

Posted on April 13, 2015 at 1:48 pm 0

On Your Liquid Liner Is Crooked, Let Me Fix It For You

This is great, hooray! But what about the bottom of your eye? You don't put liner or mascara there? Why not?

Posted on April 13, 2015 at 11:46 am 1

On My Requisite Muppet Post

THERE CAN NEVER BE TOO MANY MUPPET SHOW POSTS!!!

Also Jaya it is great to have you here, it is a soothing balm on the wound of No More Jazmine, please feel free to never ever leave.

Posted on April 9, 2015 at 6:12 pm 1