On The League of Ordinary Ladies: The Slap
@itmakesmewonder I used to fantasize about being trapped in the school by a flood, or a hurricane, or an outbreak of tornadoes, or a crazy murderer with a vendetta against high school students, or an invading army, or one of those evil electromagnetic pulses that wiped out all of technology and turned America into a post-apocalyptic wasteland in Dark Angel, so we could huddle under desks (???) in the dark and comfort each other and take turns heroically rescuing each other from dangerous situations. In these fantasies I imagined I would not only develop a deep sense of poise under pressure, but also immediately lose 90 pounds, grow six inches of bouncy flowing hair, and gain incredible strength and acrobatic skill. And also some skintight black pants and a pair of combat boots.
0
On Beyoncé and J. Cole's "Party" Video
@kaaaaaaatie-did No, it is "me and my BOOF, and my BOOF BOOF riding." It is.
2
On Drama-Minimization and Bathroom Riddles
@Lily Rowan What? What kind of crazyperson actually touches the door to the bathroom?
0
On Beauty Q&A: Hair Inspiration, Dancewear, and Big Boots
@PixieSparkle I think the hump lasts longer than for some people than for others, and my hump is my whole life long.
15
On Less Coherent Than Santorum!
@Magpie Shinies Jesus would take a stretch Hummer.
0
On I'm Changing My Name, Again
Meanwhile, you couldn't have told us how to pronounce Feltes back when you were still using it and I had to try to pronounce it every time I talked to my friends about my fantasy Internet girlfriend?
0
On Skipped Weddings, the Sex Talk, and Attracting the Attractive
@likethestore "Why don't women want to date a nice guy like me who will judge them almost solely on their 'physical attractiveness,' and when I say 'physical attractiveness' I mean not whether they are attractive to me but whether they measure up to some scale of 'empirical attractiveness' that I use to rate people with numbers in my head? I'm such a nice guy! What is wrong with women?"
18
On Old Debt, New Surprises, and Cities "Literally Crawling" With Men
@palliata Are queer people lying to you if they don't immediately announce that they're queer the moment they meet you? Are straight people lying to you if they don't immediately announce that they're straight? Are you lying every time you don't say you're bisexual? Especially knowing that some people, straight and queer, don't want to be involved with bisexuals at all?
Maybe the problem isn't that this girl lied to you. Maybe the problem is that you made a series of assumptions about her sexuality, gender, and sex based on the barest of knowledge of her, and proceeded to place her into one of a few arbitrary, culturally-constructed boxes that do not reflect the true diversity of humanity but that you are, for whatever reason, so desperately attached to placing people in that whenever they escape you feel betrayed and lied to.
Actually, on second thought, I'm sure the second one's the problem.
7
On Rihanna Goes to the Dentist
@FloraPosteHaste Oh shit vivid flashbacks to thinking I was gonna suffocate / end up with that thing slowly impaled in my throat...