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On The Horse, Explained

This is the story of what happens when a horse (aka a prey-type person) ties to ride a horse.

One time in my early 20s my mum and I went to visit my cousins. One morning I woke up to the sounds of my mum and my uncle having a huge hairy screaming fight downstairs. Afterwards my uncle was rattled and wanted to take me to the barn to meet his horse, I guess to try and salvage some good memories from the day. I felt a lot of pressure to go with him, despite having no desire to meet a horse.

We got to the stables and my uncle brought out an enormous young stallion and got on him and they raced around the barn alarmingly for about 10 minutes while I watched in creeping terror, knowing my uncle was eventually going to try to make me ride this horse.

My uncle got off the horse and stood beside him grinning proudly. The horse looked very excited. My uncle really wanted me to try a short "walk-around" on the horse. I felt enormous pressure to help him turn this bad day around, and equally enormous misgivings. I knew literally zero things about sitting on being near or riding a horse.

I climbed on very awkwardly. My uncle did not give me a helmet (foreshadowing!). I felt like I was a million feet off the ground. My uncle let go of the stallion's reigns and after two seconds the horse was moving just way too fast. I had no idea what to do so I clung to him, digging my heels into his sides. He immediately shot forward -- now we were racing at a blinding speed towards the wall. I saw the wall getting really big and I had no idea how to make the horse turn or whether I could even stay on him if he did, so I kind of hurled myself off and to the side. Apparently my head hit a metal beam.

I woke up vomiting into straw and not knowing who I was. Then I got an MRI and had a black eye and a concussion. Now I start sweating at just the thought of being around horses.

Posted on April 25, 2012 at 11:02 pm 2

On Josephine Baker Had a Cheetah Named Chiquita

@kapitalk Otters hopping

Posted on April 18, 2012 at 4:30 pm 2

On Josephine Baker Had a Cheetah Named Chiquita

Otter! Otter! Otter!!! No. TWO otters! And I would live by a lake with a huge hill and watch them make mudslides and then watch them slide down the mudslides. And snuggle them. And take baths with them. And they would somehow smell good.

Posted on April 18, 2012 at 4:27 pm 2

On Life and Taxes

@tessamae Is "right about meow" a thing? Because... I love it.

Posted on April 16, 2012 at 4:22 pm 2

On The Perks of Herpes

Ugh, the OK Cupid bit. Good luck with that, OK Cupid. As a sexual healthcare worker this drives me bonkers! Some STIs are very common! Perpetuating the idea that they aren't only leads to more STIs, because people who don't have noticeable symptoms don't get tested or are less likely to use safer sex practices.

I am not even going to touch the stigma/shaming culture around STIs because rage. But as to the facts and the numbers: Someone above mentioned that 1 in 6 adults in America have herpes. This number actually only applies to HSV 2, the form that is most often the cause of genital herpes. HSV 1, which is what this author has (and I have), is much more common! It's the kind that causes most oral herpes (cold sores). I have read clinical studies that estimate up to 70% of adults have HSV1. It's super common! Even if you don't get cold sores you could have it!

Anyhow, enough exclamation marks. To the author: This is a great piece, and I think it could be especially useful to someone newly diagnosed.

Finally, having given my fair share of herpes diagnoses to others, I think your nurse could have been gentler with you.

Posted on April 16, 2012 at 3:01 pm 17

On Finding Good Food at the Expense of Everything Else Pleasant About Eating

@stuffisthings Huh! Thanks for the info. Fascinating.

Posted on April 10, 2012 at 4:35 pm 0

On Finding Good Food at the Expense of Everything Else Pleasant About Eating

"As far as carbon footprints go, he said, the local farmer’s truck can use far more energy per pound of produce than the ship bringing in food from overseas."

Is he aware that local farmer's trucks also carry produce to the ship that's going overseas, and that once the ship gets here more trucks are required to transport the produce to the market/stores?

Posted on April 10, 2012 at 3:23 pm 1

On Gowns Unfit for Promenade

So... this seems like the right place to admit that I wore a completely see-through dress to a prom. It was the year after I had graduated, and I was accompanying my younger boyfriend and best friend to their prom. And for some reason I decided to wear a shin-length skin-tight dress made out of stretchy gold lace that was COMPLETELY transparent. And underneath it I wore bright white panties and bra? Why??

And no one said a thing to me about it, and I have no idea why not. Not my friends, not my boyfriend's mom, not the school administrators of my conservative high school. I also have no idea why I chose that outfit, because I was a very awkward, self-conscious teenager who definitely did not love her body. But I DO know that I still have the photos, which were taken in broad daylight, and they are something else!

Posted on March 29, 2012 at 12:26 pm 5

On Ask a Non-Monogamous Couple

@hotdog I think you are being a tad disingenuous in your responses to people's responses to what you wrote. You certainly implied that the entire non-monogamous world might be comprised of narcissists (people who are above average in their need for attention). As you say, you are allowed to have an opinion of polyamory that is not high. However, if you express it publicly, people are allowed to respond to this opinion critically. That is not a form of censorship.

Posted on March 27, 2012 at 5:58 pm 5

On Ask a Non-Monogamous Couple

@hotdog Right, because there are no narcissistic monogamists. Monogamous couples planning their weddings or having a baby never go on and on ad nauseum about their happiness and excitement. Come on! Serial monogamy is a term that was invented for monogamists ever in pursuit of "new relationship" dopamine.

I'm not getting where all the incredibly defensive-sounding judgments are coming from in the comments. Do people imagine that monogamy is on the verge of being banned? It could not be more aggressively protected and celebrated as a life choice. No need to pathologize the choices of others - just don't do it if it doesn't suit you.

Posted on March 27, 2012 at 5:14 pm 7