@Laughable Walrus One thing: "He seems receptive to making big changes in his life." These kinds of expectations you have some control over in your own life. Setting expectations on him will likely bring disappointment and more pain for you. You want him to take responsibility, but are you letting him have it? Or are you still feeling responsible for him? His life is his responsibility, and yours is to take care of you. You can offer him love and understanding, but if he is an addict, this is something you both have little control over. Letting go of expectations can help the both of you in both your lives.
Congratulations about taking care of your own anger by having the strength to talk to him about it. That has got to have been hard and you are so courageous. Treat yourself today!
@Laughable Walrus DAMN. I was really hoping that didn't happen. It was a good message. Less elegantly written gist re Al-anon:
Al-anon as opposed to nar-anon, is ubiquitous, everywhere, with phone lists to call anytime. In your acute situation that accessibility can be very helpful. THEY'RE FREE. Go to as many meetings as you want; you can go to one every day, call, text people every day, anytime. And these are people who have come from horror, other suffering people, who know what they're talking about.
The God language often turns people off, for many reasons and it's the most common question for newcomers. Be sure to ask people about it in your first meeting and they'll talk to you about it afterwards. "Higher power"/God is just another term for "subjugate your own judgement" to allow you to better deal with the chaotic family situation.
There's no authority or organization, it's fully self-supporting with no central leadership. It's strictly trust yourself. Come, go, leave in the middle of a meeting, entirely up to you and encouraged. Strictly "take what you like and leave the rest," "keep coming back" and listen. That's all. No rules, no judgement, absolutely no forcing--complete freedom.
Usually people are using the God criticism to avoid their own problems, not ready to face themselves. That can be fucking scary and no joke.
The program IS about putting the focus back on you in order for you to better understand and support the substance abuser. It works.
There's a reason it endures for all kinds of people everywhere--gay, straight, all races, genders, all ages (there's ala-teen and ala-kids), atheist, secular, etc.
The first meeting I went to made me fucking angry. All these women laughing about all this suffering when I was in the middle of it just pissed me off. Some people cry through their first meeting. Some people leave. There's no pressure and no one way to do it.
It can take awhile to find the right meeting--I would start with all-women meetings, or LGBT. Depends on if you like big meetings, small meetings--in a big city you will surely have your pick.
But it will always be there whenever you're ready, if you want to go. It's not going anywhere. This post is porbably unconvincing in its inelegance. Apologies!!
And did I say, it's FREE?
HOLY CRAP MY STUPID BROWSER
Just deleted my comment
Hopefully it got emailed to you
What theeeeeeeeeeee hellllll
@milominderbender Yea, seriously what am I afraid of?
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher I love it. Though there was a great joke about being disappointed that it wasn't Cornel/Kornelle West.
@4and20blkbirds I answer the phone that way to my closest friends. I think music is just music and if you don't relate or it doesn't speak to you, it's that simple.
Maybe you have to find the rap music for you (see below), or maybe the genre really doesn't speak to you. I think the lyrics are the same as in anything else, and when I think I don't "understand" a work of art, what i actually mean is "I don't like this." I say this when i explain opera to people.
BUT here are some things to try:
I love K Flay: https://www.facebook.com/kflaymusic/app_178091127385
And I love Kanye's new album.
@Verity What did you like about it? A theater-nerd friend hated it and thought it completely missed the point in big ways.
@Laughable Walrus Not to be obvious but GET THEE TO AN AL-ANON MEETING. STAT. Sorry but every single thing you're talking about is dealt with there. It can take awhile to find the right meeting for you but keep trying, that is the right place.
AND I'm so sorry you're going through this. Take care of yourself. Easy does it.
@Jolly Farton Wow, all documentaries. I want a dense skirted period film. I feel like I need Netflix for this kind of mood, which I am also in, but do not feel like PBS would do the trick. Maybe "Requiem for a Dream"? "The West Wing"?
Guys can I have some boy advice? I got laid last weekend by an ex from awhile back, we'd been texting for months again but hadn't seen each other... there was a 50% fun 50% holding back and trying not to get attached, holding back feeeellllinnngggssss vibe. He's got a jerk exterior... and maybe he's become more reserved or I don't know. The next day, Sunday, I texted that that was nice, and then no reply. Then Monday he sends me an email asking me if I wanted to go check out some records with him, I said sure, but then no reply to that either. I playfully texted him last night and he texted back but, he still hasn't said anything about the sex. So he was totally disappointed? Something else is going on? I feel like the ball is in his court, amirite? Or do I say "hey so what's up? did that totally suck for you? because you haven't said anything and this is therefore feeling weird." The only time anyone wouldn't follow up after sex is if they did not have a good time. Am I wrong?
Do I say something?