I work with elementary-aged kids (5-10 or so) and grew up with a brother fifteen years my junior, so I'm pretty familiar with this age-rage both in and out of their own homes. And this is nonsense. It seems like the parents wanted a vacation/break from parenting and forgot that your kids actually have to be somewhere else if you don't want to parent them. Bringing them to someone else's home does not = dropping them off at camp. It definitely sounds like they weren't given enough to do AND that their parents failed to step in when discipline was called for. Your nice teacher husband was right! They ARE losing valuable instruction in empathy and carefulness, which is a bummer.
However, I think he's also your best tool here: I imagine he knows how to make corrections without displaying anger or issuing a punishment, yes? The idea that you're somehow judging them or their child is most likely to create defensiveness in the parents. But (should you choose to host badly behaved children in the future), he could step in cheerfully and say, "Oh no, look! You've got some dirt on your shoes and it's making these footprints. Can I help you clean them up?" Then the two of them CLEAN UP TOGETHER in a friendly fashion. This tells everyone that you have boundaries and expectations, but that you're not angry or judgey about it. PLUS, it shows a good faith effort in case you have to go to the parents later about a bigger problem.
@iceberg YES. Upon announcing my pregnancy, I was asked by multiple unrelated people whether we had been "trying." Which (besides making everyone in the room picture our sexytimes) basically means, "so was this an accident?" It would be a win for society if we could collectively figure out which "innocent" questions are actually ENTIRELY about your junk.
might i suggest to the lady who's not ultra into blowjobs that she wait until she herself is turned on? even after many years of giving oral sex, i am still "eh" on it, and would flatly turn down a request to go from zero to blowjob. HOWEVER, when the foreplay has gone on long enough and is good enough that basically anything (WITHIN previously agreed-upon boundaries, that is) feels awesome, i find blowjobs way more fun and do a way better job. could her manfriend be doing something to her at the time? if 69ing is overwhelming or complicated, maybe he could use his hands or a vibrator? for me, a thing feeling awesome tends to get me past my apprehensions more reliably than anything else.
CAVEAT: i have been with my manfriend for over a decade, and we have been sexually active for almost that entire time. it took me MANY YEARS to get to my current place of comfort with blowjobs. you are married, lady, and have a whole lifetime to develop your sexytime skills and preferences! nothing has to happen at right this second!