@themegnapkin as someone who has very recently been transformed from a person to a piece of baby furniture/milk machine (if maybe on a temporary basis since I am going back to work 75% soon?):
first of all, YES. even though my husband is a pretty stand-up dude pretty far on the spectrum from some of the superdouches out there, he is still a man who is used to being coddled by society and on a certain level would really like to continue to be coddled while i do all the work, please.
but. even at this early stage before i go back to having much of a professional life, i find that it is possible to show him a little more perspective. i have to pick my times very carefully and use the language he understands (yes it is SPREADSHEETS this is not even a joke about gender stereotypes) and sometimes not be too proud to make it clear how strong my FEELINGS are about this, but with the right communication (as tuber says below i guess) i am finding (so far) that i can at least get my (admittedly super adaptable which is so much of why i love him) husband to edge a lot closer to toeing that line. and sometimes i need to get some perspective from him too.
so i guess i have three points to make here. one: i love parentheticals. two: i would like to rant about this subject a little, guys, being a mom is seriously more dehumanizing than i thought it would be. and three: while having it all might never be a reasonable goal, maybe on a personal level sexism isn't as horrifiyingly unavoidable as this article makes it out to be.
@ponymalta I think the main point of the article was actually "don't marry an asshole."
@TheLetterL Also, "fixing an appliance or whatever."
dude WHAT? On top of everything else you want your wife to be the Maytag Man?
Please, young women, read The Feminine Mystique. It describes all of this so you won't be surprised when raising kids (who will eventually outgrow your full-time care) and cleaning house don't end up being enough to make you happy. The happy stay-at-home-moms I know have rich lives of volunteering and freelancing. The secret to happiness is valuing yourself ALWAYS.
@commanderbanana "There are no Stay-At-Home Astronauts, Ted" is by far my favorite sentence of this wholly excellent comment thread.
@celeec4@twitter Because that would open a whole can of worms, like wondering why things are SO SHITTY when there's no reason for them to be, and then folks might start wondering why we haven't copied some of the policies that have worked out for other countries, like Scandinavia, and then we're on the slippery slope to SOCIALISM, and anyway you know this is America and exceptionalism and bootstraps and small business and PLEASE STOP ASKING QUESTIONS, if you worked harder you wouldn't have any problems at all. IT MUST BE YOUR FAULT.
"another, larger, group who left the work force at that time — poor mothers who couldn’t afford child care — went without notice."
THEN CAN WE PLEASE TALK ABOUT THESE PEOPLE AND THE INTERSECTIONALITY BETWEEN RACE, CLASS AND GENDER FOR FUCKING ONCE INSTEAD OF YET ANOTHER ARTICLE TELLING US IT'S ALL OUR FAULT
@TheLetterL I just want to throw all my shoes at him, go pick them up,and then throw them again.
He. calls. it. a. journey. of. self.discovery. (but wants his wife to spend more time on domestic chores, presumably multitasking by finding herself while scrubbing the toilet)
There are no Stay-at-Home Astronauts, Ted.
Ugh Ugh Ugh. I haven't even cracked the article and I already want to KICK PUNCH THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE.
Look, I want neither children nor marriage, and I get that I'm the outlier, and I have ALL THE REASONS for wanting what I want, but I will admit a big part of it is the fear that something like this will happen to me. If I'm going to be eating cat food alone at 75, I'd rather it be because I spent all my disposable income on makeup and shoes in my youth, and not because I was unemployed for X years and then dumped by my husband for a younger model.