On Who Will Join Me at Red Robin for a Wineshake

I have missed Qream so much. This is but a pale imitation.

Posted on March 21, 2014 at 3:12 pm 0

On The Heartland Pie

Navy Pier on a Saturday in June: 100% Stacked Bobs.

Posted on March 20, 2014 at 6:32 pm 2

On For Two People, A Wedding Announcement

As someone who is not very good at tuning his guitar, I've often thought an extra arm would come in handy.

Posted on March 17, 2014 at 4:07 pm 0

On Hot Paleo People


"less contempt"


Posted on February 27, 2014 at 3:54 pm 1

On The Valentine's Day Vibrator Boom

Oh, vibrator sales boom. That makes... more sense...

Posted on February 12, 2014 at 5:38 pm 0

On Now You've Really Done It, Sochi

Well, the Russians could have gone to Mars.

Or alternatively (and more likely) the Russians could have funded 23,980 more human rights violations!

Posted on February 12, 2014 at 10:33 am 0

On Or Neither

"In the past, a fantasy woman may have been the young, single secretary; now she’s the middle-aged mother of three with a graduate degree." Glad you did the research to find that out?

Honestly, why bother leading with a study based on outdated data when you promptly pivot to your apparent true subject of interest: how middle class women feel about '50 Shades of Gray'?

Posted on February 6, 2014 at 2:18 pm 0

On What I've Learned From My Side Job Critiquing Dick Pics

As an aficionado of multisyllabic elision, "indefinitely deprioritize" is a hit with me.

Posted on January 8, 2014 at 6:01 pm 3

On On the Brain-Dead Texas Woman Being Kept Alive to Gestate a Fetus

I guess whoever has custody could put the child up for adoption? As for who pays, perhaps Marlise Munoz would be covered under Medicaid (I assume a brain-dead person has no assets or income)? Just brainstorming possible answers.

Posted on January 8, 2014 at 11:18 am 0