Got any what?
@Rock and Roll Ken Doll I punched myself in the face the other day while trying to separate a pair of knee socks from a pair of tights
@Rock and Roll Ken Doll I routinely pull muscles getting dressed, because I am SO out of shape, and also often get wedged in clothing and end up flailing around halfway into a sweater and falling over things and it's just awful.
@Beaks Look, I'll be honest here, you ARE going to have to invest a pro-grade particle accelerator for this diet to work. Though to be fair it's a little cheaper than all the crap you need to get into smoothies or pour-over coffee, and you can use it to do research into the fundamental nature of the universe in between mealtimes.
@TheMnemosyne *opens paycheck envelope* *cocktail onion falls out* oh, fuck!
In conclusion: the entire rest of the Internet is already like this, can we please have our happy place back?
By Shara on The Things We Hide
Oh, Jennifer. My last boyfriend was admittedly kid-averse, and I think my cleaning was a way to hide the fact that getting serious with a single mom (shared custody) would inevitably disturb his perfectly organized life. I would leave work early every time he came over so that I could scrub floors and hide messes for hours before he arrived. I would buy new outfits for any special date, always have lacy undies, always curl my hair, always do my makeup. I loved being with him, but it was like I had two lives: 50% mom, 50% girlfriend.
A year or so after we got together, he broke up with me (in part) because yep, he decided he never wanted to have kids. Hardest breakup ever. I had been trying to cover up the mess of my house but I was really trying to cover up the messiness of my life as a parent. Subsequent boyfriends see a bit more of the messes, which is probably more a statement of my self-acceptance than anything else.
@j-i-a I mean, the cover is naked people making out on a bed.
@Rock and Roll Ken Doll No one wears pinstripes like a tiger.
@Rock and Roll Ken Doll omg for real though the third part is called "Dopeman: Memoirs of a Snitch." Here is the first part of the review:
"Nautica and Khia are cousins working at Red's Chicken Shack scheming on the manager for some extra loot. Basically, they're two hood chicks looking for a way out of the ghetto. Nautica finds her mark in Zion and enjoys the fringe benefits of being a major baller's lady even when she has to suffer through his jealous rages and backhand slaps. A bag full of money, death and murders left behind finds Nautica in search of a safe haven and a fresh beginning."
HELL YEA NOW THAT'S WHAT I CALL A GOOD BOOK, I'M SERIOUS, I BOUGHT ALL 3, FUCK THIS MFA LIFE OF MINE
By Biketastrophy on One Weird Trick to Control Your Boyfriend's Mind (the Trick Is Pouring Juice in His Dickhole)