one of my biggest problems with anti self defense "logic" is that it is completely black or white. we are a LONG way from "teaching rapists not to rape." though i wish i didn't feel that way, i don't think that will ever happen completely. learning self defense is empowering and fulfilling and translates to so many other aspects of life - standing up to your boss, saying no and setting boundaries, etc. and good self defense helps us manage in myriad situations, especially with people we know.
my other problem is telling people what is feminist and what is not. if you don't think self defense is feminist and that is important to you, then don't do it, but we need to stop telling people they are not feminists...that's not a very feminist thing to do!
anywho...i loved your piece, it was the perfect, well rounded response:)